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Muslim men Muslim women

12 Levels of Friendship

Did you know that in Arabic, there are 12 levels of friendship? 

For every level of friendship, there is an Arabic word to describe it. From Siddique to Khaleel, it is rare to find all 12 levels of friendship in one person.

1. Siddique (صديق) – a true friend; someone who doesn’t befriend you for an ulterior motive. The word “Siddique” is commonly translated as truth, so honesty and loyalty is at the core of this friendship.

2. 𝘼𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙨 (أنيس) – someone with whom you’re really comfortable and familiar with.

3. 𝙕𝙖𝙢𝙚𝙚𝙡 (زميل) – someone you have a nodding acquaintance with.

4. 𝙅𝙖𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙨 (جليس) – someone you’re comfortable sitting with for a period of time.

5. 𝙎𝙖𝙢𝙚𝙚𝙧 (سمير) – someone you have good conversation with them.

6. 𝙎𝙖𝙝𝙞𝙗 (صاحب) – someone who’s concerned for your well-being.

7. 𝙍𝙖𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙦 (رفيق) – someone you can depend upon.

8. 𝙆𝙝𝙖𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙡 (خليل) – an intimate friend; someone whose presence makes you happy.

9. 𝙉𝙖𝙟𝙞 (نجي) – a confidant; someone you trust deeply.

10. 𝙉𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙚𝙢 (نديم) – a drinking companion (just tea) that you might call when you’re free.

11. 𝙎𝙖𝙛𝙞 (صفي) – your best friend; someone you’ve chosen over other friends.

12. 𝙌𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙚𝙣 (قرين) – someone who’s inseparable from you; you know how they think (and vice versa).

Which ones do you have?

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Muslim women

The Role of Women in Society

Written by Anonymous 

Sisters, your role in society is like the role of the archers in the battle of Uhud.

They were not at the forefront or in the thick of the action, 

BUT they held the most important position. They guarded the army. If they moved, the whole army would be uncovered and defeated. 

In the same way, if you leave your most important position, you leave the army-the Ummah uncovered.

You are the silent heroes,

You are the foundational structure of great generations,

You are the mothers who look after the family,

You are the first of the teachers of this Ummah,

You are the ones who teach the Muslim men courage, truthfulness, kindness, perseverance, and patience.

You are the carers of the men of this Ummah.

The success of this Ummah lies upon your shoulders. ﷲ͜عَزَّوَجَــــل states that a woman’s primary abode is her home. This does not mean she plays no role in society. She is like the engine of a car hidden in the bonnet. Everything in the car is meaningless without the engine. 

The engine being concealed does not mean it is insignificant. In fact, being concealed reveals its real value.

A woman is like a live wire tucked away.

 If it is exposed it will shock people. It is concealed yet provides the current for electricity. 

A woman is like the battery in a mobile phone.

All the features of the mobile phone mean nothing if the battery is not there. It is concealed but provides the main function. Being concealed and doing what ﷲ͜عَزَّوَجَــــل wants you to do reveals the real value of women.

1 Muharram 1444

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Muslim women

Family Planning

“He grants to whomsover he wishes a female and He grants to whomsoever he wishes a male.”(49:42)


Having children is a great blessing of Allah SWT and not having children is also a blessing of Allah SWT. This post is aimed at parents who have children and are able to have children, appreciate this blessing which many other couples are praying day and night for, crying out loud for and raising their hands in the middle of the night for…
If you are able to have children then have children in plentiful and don’t stop Allah’s taqdeer by following society and its norms… “hum dow awr hamare dow” isn’t an Islamic concept.


I’m not targeting parents who only have one child or two then are unable to conceive etc. I’m talking about this Western idea of family planning and pre-planning our lives like non-Muslims. I understand the fear of modern-day fitnahs and how bringing children into the world has a worry attached with it but Allah is bigger and our trust and hope should lie in Him. I’m sure the only son wants a brother and so does the only daughter. This makes a big difference, especially when the kids grow up.


Ismail ibn Nazir Satia (one who is in dire need of Allah’s forgiveness, mercy and pleasure).

1 Shaban 1443

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Muslim men Muslim women

Deception: Study of Shaytan.

Deception: Study of Shaytan.

And I want to share with you one of his most continuous tricks.

فَوَسْوَسَ إِلَيْهِ الشَّيْطَانُ قَالَ يَا آدَمُ هَلْ أَدُلُّكَ عَلَىٰ شَجَرَةِ الْخُلْدِ وَمُلْكٍ لَّا يَبْلَىٰ“

Then Shayṭān whispered to him; he said, ‘O Ādam, shall I direct you to the tree of eternity and possession that will not deteriorate?’” [20:120] 

You see, Iblis is a master of distorting reality. The tree that Allah had commanded them to not come near, was now being called the tree of eternity.
Iblīs will either take the goodness and make it appear as evil or take evil and make it appear as something good. In this case, Iblīs is taking something evil and making it appear as something good. The evils in society are given a positive name and as a result, we may accept it. Shayṭān will make Zina look enticing and call it making love. Iblīs makes people think about sexual freedom and not think that it is a big deal to have sex outside of marriage. We see the effects in our society: divorce, single parents raising kids, STDs, etc.


Iblīs will never remind you of these things. Iblīs deceives people into thinking things are good. He will get people to label each other. When you label someone, you can distort reality very easily. You turn people into caricatures and stereotypes and then can attack the stereotype irrespective if that is actually true of the person you are addressing. It is one of the tricks he uses most frequently.

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Muslim women

Why are women not allowed to pray during their period?

04 May, 2020

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Q Why are women not allowed to pray during their period?

ANSWER

Sheikh Ahmad Saad 04 May, 2020

Short Answer:

  • Almighty Allah lifted the load of prayer and the burden of fasting from woman’s shoulders during this period. Menses is neither a funny nor a nice experience. There is an important maxim in Islam: “difficulty brings ease,” meaning that when a person is experiencing anything difficult, Islam will give some concessions that make life easier.
  • So, the point is not that women are “not allowed to” pray and fast but are rather exempted from observing prayer and fasting at such times, because these two duties are difficult and demand much effort.

_____________________________________

Salam Dear Nagwa,

Thank you for your question and for contacting Ask About Islam.

I also thank you a lot for such an intriguing question that displays how our sisters are keen on knowing the wisdom behind religious ordinances.

Surely this is good, but still, we cannot always grasp the wisdom behind everything.

Allah’s Wisdom Exceeds Ours

As Muslims and as sensible human beings who trust that this universe functions according to a fixed, well-designed system, we should believe that nothing happens haphazardly or aimlessly.

Rather, everything is well-planned and sorted out.

We read in the Quran what means:

Our Lord! You have not created this in vain. (Quran 3:191)

“This” here refers to Allah’s creation in general.

Because we have limited minds and limited spiritual abilities, we are not able to understand the wisdom behind everything in this universe.

This inability to understand sometimes proves to be very important because such things will constitute a test of our faith and submission to Allah, and our trust in His infinite knowledge.

Physical Suffering

Now, we come to your question: why are women not allowed to pray or fast while they are having their menses?

Basically, any mature woman who has experienced menses knows what type of physical suffering a woman goes through while she is experiencing her monthly period.

Due to such physical suffering, any woman will simply tell you that menses is neither a funny nor a nice experience.

Besides, being under such pains, women are usually not in a good mood.

Her changing hormones cause her to feel moody and irritable, as well.

Yet, it is important for the removal of any harmful material from the body of the woman since such harmful material comes out with this blood.

So, it is a healthy thing for women to have this, but not every healthy thing is nice or easy.

When you are ill, you have to take your medication, even if it’s bitter.

It is not a nice experience to take the medicine but still it is very important for you to recover and heal speedily.

Why Aren’t Women Allowed to Pray or Fast During Their Period?

When Allah decreed menstruation on the daughters of Adam, He — Glory be to Him — wanted it to be a sign of mercy to them, since this natural process relieves the body from the harmful materials that could be disastrous if they remain inside the body.

Taking all such physical and mental pain into consideration, Almighty Allah, Who takes care of His servants even more than their own parents, has lifted the load of prayer and the burden of fasting from woman’s shoulders during this period.

So, the point is not that women are “not allowed to” pray and fast but are rather exempted from observing prayer and fasting at such times, because these two duties are difficult and demand much effort.

Islam Aims To Remove Hardship

In this regard, we should bear in mind that one of the basic goals of Islamic Shari`ah is to remove harm and difficulty from people’s lives.

The many texts of the Quran and Sunnah serve as a support for this, giving one clear message that Almighty Allah does not intend to place any difficulty on the shoulders of His servants.

This has led many Muslim scholars to reach a very great maxim that summarizes a lot of things in this regard: “difficulty brings ease,” meaning that when a person is experiencing anything difficult, Islam will give him some concessions that make life easy for him.

Under this maxim, we can understand why a traveler is exempted from fasting, why a sick person is allowed not to fast, why a handicapped person is allowed to observe prayer while sitting down, and why a pregnant woman or a woman who is breast-feeding is entitled to break her fasting.

All this is meant to remove hardship and difficulty away from people, because this is one of the highest objectives of Islam.

“Impure” Does NOT Mean “Unclean”

Needless to mention here that there is a big difference between being in a state of “impurity” and being “unclean”.

While the former refers to an immaterial state that has nothing to do with the gender of the person and is by no means offensive, the latter is more linked with filth and dirty stuff.

Impurity is a temporary state, whereas uncleanliness is a choice to be unhygienic.

A person who washes his or her private parts but has not performed ghusl (ritual ablution) is clean but is still impure, Islamically.

This means that he or she does not qualify, while in this state, to pray or fast, simply because he or she needs to meet some basic standards.

Now, we see a balance in the religion of Islam that came to remove all difficulties and hardships from the lives of the servants of Allah and allow them to celebrate His praise cheerfully and willfully.

Dr. Mohsen Haredy, a member of the Ask About Islam consultant team, would like to add the following:

It is worth mentioning that not praying and not observing fasting during the menses are considered in themselves an act of worship.

As in some acts of worship, there is a divine command that requires showing submission and surrender without questioning the reason behind it.

The significance of this command lies in our obedience to it: Showing obedience to Allah and His Messenger.

What women CAN do in menses:

  • Listen to the Qur’an on YouTube
  • Istighfaar
  • Read durood
  • Dhikr and Tasbeeh
  • Listen to lectures and programmes online

Categories
Muslim men Muslim women

I Want My Child to be a Hafidh – Book

“The book is profound and relevant.” Shaykh Sulaiman Moola.
Foreword by Mufti Faruq Saheb and Mufti Ibrahim Saheb Raja.
An excellent guide for parents and teachers who are struggling with hifdh kids.
Please contact me to purchase: ismailsatia@yahoo.co.uk

FlyerMaker_08022019_230032 (1)FlyerMaker_08022019_224443

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Muslim men Muslim women

Unapologetically Telling The Truth Is A Terrible Thing to Admire

Why do we value “unapologetically telling the truth like it is” so highly? When did this become an actual thing that we lionize and aspire to? Why do we celebrate those who do this?

What’s the point of telling it like it is, even if people hate it? And what does it say about us as a community if this is how sincerity and authenticity is expressed? When did it become some type of significant accomplishment that is lauded by others?

There’s obviously an immediate benefit. You gain notoriety, fans, social media engagement, and maybe even just enough of a following to leverage a career (or presidency) out of it.

I have noticed a trend lately, particularly in discourse about Islamic issues online, where people are being heralded and promoted for telling it like it is.

This culture appears to be an overreaction to another problem (as most extremes often are) – speaking about issues without any principles, or watering down and politicizing them. When something in regards to the religion is watered down, the perception is that this is done from a position of weakness.

By speaking the unapologetic truth harshly, a person may feel they are taking on a task for the community that others are not. They are giving voice to a perspective that may otherwise be silent. They are providing objective and accurate intellectual analysis without any emotion or sugar-coating.

Validation follows. Others encourage them for speaking up and saying the things they are unafraid to say. This makes the person feel they are taking on an important task on behalf of the ummah, and continue to do so. Then they get more fans and comments, and the cycle continues.

This validation loop, particularly online when it is in the form of likes and comments, makes it challenging to engage criticisms of this approach objectively. After all, everyone is telling you this is incredible – why should you listen to the few uptight people who are so focused on tone instead of the unapologetic truth bomb you are dropping on people?

This justification comes from prioritizing the utility of giving a correct point of view over how it is delivered – especially when this point of view is drowned out by all the people with the wrong understanding.

When given real feedback on tone or etiquette, people who pride themselves on being unapologetic or authentic will respond by deflecting this advice. Focus on the intellectual merits of the argument they’ll argue. Or they will deflect it by pointing to some type of bad character on the part of people who hold the opposing viewpoint as them. Don’t worry about my bad attitude, worry about that other person’s character instead. Or they’ll appeal to authority and declare that they already have teachers or mentors that give them advice, so they are free to dismiss comments no matter how legitimate. For people who pride themselves on being objective or intellectual, these are all profoundly childish responses.

What is billed as being authentic or unapologetic is really a mask for laziness and ego.

The Qur’an lays out a model that we’ll refer to as the ‘high-competency’ approach:

By an act of mercy from God, you [Prophet] were gentle in your dealings with them—had you been harsh, or hard-hearted, they would have dispersed and left you—so pardon them and ask forgiveness for them. Consult with them about matters, then, when you have decided on a course of action, put your trust in God: God loves those who put their trust in Him (3:159).

Where in this ayah does it appear that the approach of telling the cold hard truth would fall?

Telling the unapologetic truth without regard for how people take it is the easy way out. Anyone can do that. The problem is that it does not work. It causes people to get turned off. Those who lionize this approach will counter by saying, “so what?” They put the blame on the people who can’t handle the message instead of taking responsibility for how they deliver it.

That’s why it’s lazy. It’s a low competency form of delivering a message. The only people who celebrate it are ones that already agree with it. It does not accomplish the ultimate task of winning hearts and minds or changing someone’s viewpoint.

Instead, it puts the focus on the person giving the message – how courageous, authentic, and direct they are. This makes the communication inherently ego driven because the intended audience is now ignored. The actual content of a person’s message also gets lost as they start to craft their identity around speaking forcefully instead of effectively. They show no concern for the recipient of the message, only in themselves.

The task of winning hearts and minds, or changing someone’s ideological worldview, is not done through a hot take on Facebook. It is done as the ayah above indicates – with kindness in dealings with them.

Giving hot takes on social media builds fans and followings, not relationships. The ultimate irony is that unapologetically speaking the truth actually prevents people from developing the relationships to affect positive change in the community because no one wants to be around them.

“How well you take criticism depends less on the message and more on your relationship with the messenger. It’s surprisingly easy to hear a hard truth when it comes from someone who believes in your potential and cares about your success.” –Adam Grant

It requires the hard work of building relationships with people and building community. True leaders understand that this requires years of investment into people – not all of which will be documented on social media. Success means playing the long game.

It means going to a tyrant like Fir’awn, and still speaking kindly because the ultimate intent is different than to just tell it like it is.

It means that when the young man walks into the masjid of the Prophet (s) and asks permission to commit zina (adultery), that the Prophet (s) takes him and teaches him kindly. He could have easily reminded him about the jurisprudential rulings about adultery, and the prescribed punishment – no doubt that would be unapologetically speaking the truth. But it would not have achieved the intended outcome, so the Prophet (s) had to take the approach that would actually produce results.

But wait, what about all the times in the life of the Prophet (s) when harshness was used? Didn’t he speak the truth clearly? Yes. There are always going to be situations where this is called for strategically as a tool intended for a specific result. The problem we are highlighting is not of speaking the truth clearly, but one of expressing it in a harsh way such that people are turned off. And worse, people who respond to the harshness with cheerleading and zealousness instead of genuine care and concern for the one who is wrong to gain some sense of rectification.

There is something deeper at play here than ego or taking the easy way out. Authenticity.

Authenticity is the buzzword we use to express sincerity. When I tell it like it is, I am being authentic and sincere. Not fake. Not a sell-out.

Authenticity presents a paradox: Do you do what’s effective, or do you do what is true to yourself? We might reach a certain level of success and influence by being a certain way. The challenge is getting to the next level. If that means suddenly changing how I communicate or speaking with what I term to be watered down political jargon, then no thanks. This is the mindset that allows us to morally justify our unapologetic approach, and actually double down on it when told to act otherwise.

Authenticity is a barrier to personal growth. We use this idea of it representing sincerity as an excuse to keep from changing. We have to shift from delivering the information people need to know (low-level) to creating the conditions of increasing learning (high-level).

This requires putting in the work to change our approach and character.

The Prophet (s) said that ‘the two characteristics that led the most people into Paradise were consciousness of Allah and good character’ (Tirmidhi).

Don’t let anyone subvert this in the name of unapologetically speaking the truth.

Low competency individuals are drawn to telling it like it is. High competency individuals are attracted to painting the vision of how things could be – and building the bridge to help and serve people in getting there.

https://www.ibnabeeomar.com/blog/unapologetically-telling-the-truth-is-a-terrible-thing-to-admire

 

he-tells-it-like-it-is-paul-not

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Muslim women

Dua and Surahs for Pregnancy/Labour

Congratulations to you and your family on your bun in the oven. Allah bless you with a healthy and happy baby who lives and strives off faith and Islam, I hope Allah grants you the coolness of your eyes.

baby.jpg

Motherhood! A very exciting experience and something I believe most women desire and dream for, as they are born nurturers. Amidst all the excitement, shopping, and getting your homes ready for this new addition to the family, sometimes you can forget the spiritual connection with that Exalted Being who has blessed us with this amazing journey.

No one said pregnancy and labour would be or is easy. But if you want that cute bundle of joy in your hands, then you have to push through (no pun intended!) these nine months and labour and show yourself that “you’ve got the power!”

Please remember to thank Allah for blessing you with this opportunity that many desire and don’t have. Don’t take even a split second for granted. Make it a habit of reciting:

اَللّٰهُمَّ لَكَ الْـحَمْدُ وَ لَكَ الشُّكْرُ

“O Allah, all praise and gratitude is for you”

Let me get to the point, here are some dua’ and some adhkar to help you through.

Students of Habib ‘Umar bin Hafidh (hafidhahulah), of Yemen collected this list of recommendations some years ago, for those amongst us who are pregnant or struggling with infertility.

Daily

  • Surah Inshiqaq (Surah 84) – to be recited daily throughout the pregnancy
  • Surah Luqman (Surah 31) – to be recited daily during the 1st trimester when the baby’s brain, mental faculties and nervous system are developing, this Surah helps the baby’s brain develop.
  • Surah Yusuf (Surah 12) – to be recited in the 2nd trimester when the child’s physical appearance is forming, for beautiful physical appearance.
  • Surah Maryam (Surah 19) – to be recited in the 3rd trimester as labour approaches
  • Ya Lateef” – to be recited 129 times every morning and evening

7th month only

  • The husband should recite Surah Inshirah (Surah 94) 152 times on the baby

Labour

  • The first ayat of Surah al-Fath’ (Surah 48)
  • Ya Lateef”
  • Surah Maryam (Surah 19) for ease in labour (you can also play on YouTube)
  • Surah Inshirah (Surah 94)
  • As salaam Alaikum ayuha-nabee wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu”

General advice

  • Shaykh Muhammad Ba Shu’ayb once advised, for the sake of any children we are to have to recite all our adhkar and awrad everyday and to ensure that we pray as many prayers in congregation with our spouse.
  • Read as much Qur’an as possible.
  • Try and do as much salawat on the Prophet (saw) as possible – in particular Salat al-Tunjina’ and “As salaam Alaikum ayuha-nabee wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu”
  • As babies are said to be able to recognise certain sounds and music from their time in the womb, reading certain texts such as the “Book of Assistance” by Imam al-Haddad, is advised in order to bring about recognition.
  • One of the Habaib also advised pregnant women to look at pictures of the Ka’aba when she was too tired to actively engage in ibadah.

For those trying to conceive children

  • Recite Surah Fatiha (Surah 1) 41 times in between the sunnah and fardh of Fajr prayer.
  • Recite verse 38 of Surah Imran (Surah 3) as many times a day as possible.

 

In addition to that, ask Allah to bless you with pious children like our beloved Prophet Zakariya (AS) did:

رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِنْ لَدُنْكَ ذُرِّيَّةً طَيِّبَةً إِنَّكَ سَمِيعُ الدُّعَاءِ

“O Allah bestow onto me from You, pure children. Verily you are the listener of du’aas”

Other Ulama suggest in your last month recite the first five ayahs of Surah Al-Inshiqaaq abundantly, as this will help with an easier delivery and labour. Or increase the recitation of Surah al-Inshiqaaq if you were already reciting from the start of the pregnancy.

Abstain from listening to music and replace that with recitation or Quran or adhkar, as it has scientifically been proven that the child is able to recognize certain sounds in the womb. Let’s bless our unborn child with the words of Allah (S.W.T). Then follow that habit through postnatal and you will be surprised as to how much comfort your child will get from listening to the words of Allah (S.W.T) from as early as birth. I’ve seen it with my very own eyes.

Please stay away from sin, talking ill of people and slander. Try to stay pure at heart and tongue and you will see your children grow to reap the benefits.

Print and keep the list of dua’ for pious children (below) and make a habit of reciting them often. One way to do this is to tape it to the wall next to your dresser mirror and recite the dua (or just a couple of them if your kids or husband are impatiently waiting for you to get ready!) as you get ready in the morning.preggy

Lastly, advice from Mufti Ikramul Haq Saheb (hafidhahullah) of Blackburn: “Through experience, we have seen placing the book ‘Muwatta Imam Malik’ under the pillow at the time of labour, eases labour pain.”

Allah grant you all ease and peace throughout the pregnancy, a smooth labour, as well as granting you pious children, righteous and the coolness of your eyes. Ameen.

Ismail ibn Nazir Satia (One who is in dire need of Allah’s forgiveness, mercy and pleasure)

Rabiul Awwal 1440

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Muslim women

I don’t wear a Hijab, but my heart is clean!”

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

170720-brands-selling-hijabs-feature“All of my Ummah will be forgiven except those who sin openly…” [1]

Sinning privately is between Allah and His servant and a struggle that only He knows about and which In sha Allah He will give His servant the Tawfiq to repent for. Openly sinning with no remorse is tantamount to a public challenge to Allah and it doesn’t just remain between a servant and his Lord, but with the people too. One is to unashamedly disobey Allah and then to further justify the sin, but “Allah will not help a people until they help themselves.” [2]

Lately, I seem to have come across many sisters who give reasons for their Hijab – or lack thereof!

“I’m not ready for the Hijab yet!”
“So what if my hair is uncovered? My heart is clean!”
“Don’t tell me to wear Hijab, only Allah can judge me.”

Naturally, it led to many debates where not everyone agreed. Hence, this is merely an opinion.

At random, I started looking at other commandments of Allah. His order to fulfil the obligation of Salah comes with the condition that one has reached the age of puberty, is sane, and is a Muslim. Similarly, the donning of Hijab becomes compulsory once a woman reaches the age of puberty. But why are sisters so quick to make excuses like, “I’m not ready yet” and, “But my heart is clean,” when we don’t make the same excuses for our Zakah and fasting the month of Ramadhan?

My mind is at awe with the women around my Nabi ﷺ who dropped all they had in order to comply to another commandment of Allah with the hope of coming closer to Him. Fatimah Al-Zahrah (R), the queen of the women of Jannah, was the epitome of modesty at the time of Nabi ﷺ and continues to serve as an example until the end of time. Similarly, Umm Khallad (R) who upon hearing of the martyrdom of her beloved son on the battlefield, rushed to it whilst veiled. When asked how she managed to cover in such a state, she responded, “I have lost my son, but I have not lost my modesty.” [3]

Such women had the purest of hearts and yet they did not make the excuses we make because it is not befitting for a Muslim woman to ask for a concession in a matter that Allah and His Nabi (S) have ordained for us!

It may be true that a sister without the Hijab may have a heart purer and Taqwa stronger than that of a sister fully covered. However, when a Muslim woman CHOOSES not to wear the Hijab out of her own free-will (without a valid Shar’i reason), she becomes another fallen brick in the wall that divides us as an Ummah because she has chosen to hide her identity. Those who wear the Hijab (despite their struggles) are then labelled fanatics and extremists because another side has presented a “liberal” image which shows the world that it clearly isn’t mandatory to wear the Hijab and it can’t really be part of the faith! And so in this manner, she makes it harder for her “Hijabi” sister to practice her faith.

Those who refuse the Hijab claiming only Allah can judge them, remember that indeed Allah WILL judge them. Let’s help one another to become stronger in our faith and show the world that we are proud of our identity. May Allah help each of us in our struggles and only He knows what they are.

Do you agree? Disagree? All comments welcome, but please be courteous.plain-chiffon-hijab-plain-chiffon-charcoal-hijab-1_large

[1] Bukhari and Muslim
[2] Surah Ra’ad (13:11)
[3] Abu Dawud

Zainab Bint Husain (Allah protect her)

10 Muharram 1440

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Muslim men Muslim women

Teenage Years

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Teenage Years: Most Difficult for the Parentssophie-sollmann-632775-unsplash

“I never asked to be born!”
“Stop trying to control my life!”

“I hate you!”
You thought you were over the hard part—changing diapers and being awakened throughout the night by your crying baby, dealing with an uncontrollable two-year-old “monster,” and trying to handle a mischievous child, who was always getting into trouble at school. But now comes the really hard part—coping with a rebellious, often rude and obnoxious, teenager. 
Muslim Parents: Not Immune from Teenage Problems
The teenage years have historically been a difficult period for parents in America, with very few exceptions. Struggling to find their own place in the world, teenagers often rebel against the ways of their parents. They want to experiment to find out what is best for them. And, unfortunately, Muslim parents may also face many of the same problems with their teenagers that non-Muslim families face.
Muslim children can also be tempted to drink alcohol or take drugs, be physically attracted to someone of the opposite sex in their class, skip school, or get involved in the wrong crowd.
No doubt, it will be a traumatic experience for a Muslim family to find out that their son or daughter is taking drugs, secretly going out on dates with the opposite sex, or getting in trouble with the police, but it could happen. And what if they become addicts, contract AIDS by having unmarried sex, or become a mother or father before marriage. Our great dreams for our children could suddenly turn into nightmares. It has happened to other Muslim families.
This is, of course, a very frightening thought for most parents. Some will merely say that it won’t happen to their Muslim child. But others will take action and look for ways to prevent these problems or to better handle them if they arise. 
Although no two families have exactly the same situation, there are some general guidelines for dealing with Muslim teenagers that might be useful.
We should teach them from an early age about Allah Ta’aala , the Prophets AS, the Sahabah RA, and the great heroes of Islam.
If we develop in them a love for Islam and provide them with righteous examples for their heroes, they will be much less likely to go astray. A person wants to be like his heroes. If he admires Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam, Abu Bakr Radhiyallahu Anhu, and AliRadhiyallahu Anhu, he will try to follow their example. If he admires a rock star or a gang leader, he will want to be like them. If we inspire our children with good examples, when they are tempted to do wrong, they will, InshaAllah, remember these examples and remain steadfast. 
Although I was raised as a Christian and didn’t embrace Islam until I was in my 20s, I was greatly influenced by the Biblical stories of Prophets like Nuh, Ibrahim, Musa, and Isa (Peace be upon them all). Although the Biblical stories were not in their pure form, they still inculcated in me a love and respect for the way of the Prophets. Although I fell into many of the temptations of youth, Alhamdulillah, I always felt something within me holding me back from going too far. While many of my friends went headlong into a highly destructive way of life, I believe that my knowledge of, and affection for, the Prophets helped me to return to a better path.
We must be very careful about our children’s friends
During the teenage years, children often care more about what their friends say than what their parents or elders say. According to a hadith, “Man is upon the path of his intimate friend; so let each look to whom he takes as a friend.” If our children have good, sincere, and righteous friends, the chances are good that our children will be like them. If, on the other hand, our children hang around with children who take drugs and get into trouble, our children will likely take drugs and get into trouble. 
Therefore, it is essential from an early age that we try to get our children involved with good children. One way to encourage this is by regularly taking them to the mosque (be careful not creating disturbance) or by sending them to an Islamic school where they will have the opportunity to meet and interact with Muslim children. We should be worried though if our children start hanging around with bad-mannered and disrespectful children.
We should encourage our children to participate in wholesome religious, social, and sports activities
Bored teenagers are more likely to look for fun and excitement in the wrong place. “Idle hands are the devil’s (shaytan’s) workshop,” someone once said. If teenagers’ lives are full of good and exciting things to do, they will not have the time or the desire to get involved in bad things. 
We should try to channel their teenage zeal into constructive avenues
Sometimes, teenagers begin to criticize the way of life of their parents and society, and parents are often angered by this. However, we must keep in mind that sometimes they may be right. Our lives and our society are not perfect, and teenagers may have fresh insight into how to improve them. In Living With Teenagers: A Guide for Muslim Parents, Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood writes:
“Teenagers are idealists—they want to change the world, and make it a better place. These are not bad ideals, and it is a great pity that adults have forgotten their own ideals in the rat race of daily life. You, the parent, may have ended up as just a hard-working nonentity in some quiet niche in life; a teenager who is a real idealist may end up as a famous person, a reformer, a politician, an aid worker —who knows. The future lies there before them.
It is therefore a foolish parent who tries to ridicule and trample on that young idealism. If it is consistent with Islam, it should be fervently encouraged, and not set at naught.”
If a teenager is idealistic and wants to improve the world, we should encourage him and help him. If he if full of zeal but lacks the proper direction, we should help him to use that zeal constructively. If we get teenagers involved in helping those in need and in working for important causes, their zeal could make a tremendous impact.
We should sometimes admit that we are wrong
Parents make mistakes. If we admit to our children that we are wrong at times, they will not always feel that they have to rebel against us and prove that we are wrong.
We should listen to our children
Sometimes, children act out in order to get our attention. If we give them our attention freely, they will not have to seek it in destructive ways. Also, by listening to our children, there is a greater chance that they will confide in us and ask us questions, rather than seeking answers from negative sources.
We should do what we say
Teenagers hate hypocrisy, and many of them seem to have a built-in radar for detecting it. If we want them to listen to us and take our advice, they must trust us. If we tell them not to drink, but drink ourselves, they will not respect us.
The teenage years are usually difficult, and parents need to prepare for them before they arrive. If parents have built a strong, trusting, and loving relationship with their children before the teenage years, their children will be less likely to go astray. It is very difficult to see one’s child going in the wrong direction and not know how to stop him from destroying himself. But if we work hard to instill in them the right values early and try to help them develop a wholesome lifestyle without being overbearing, perhaps we can prevent such a tragedy from ever occurring.