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Teenage Years

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Teenage Years: Most Difficult for the Parentssophie-sollmann-632775-unsplash

“I never asked to be born!”
“Stop trying to control my life!”
“I hate you!”
You thought you were over the hard part—changing diapers and being awakened throughout the night by your crying baby, dealing with an uncontrollable two-year-old “monster,” and trying to handle a mischievous child, who was always getting into trouble at school. But now comes the really hard part—coping with a rebellious, often rude and obnoxious, teenager. 
Muslim Parents: Not Immune from Teenage Problems
The teenage years have historically been a difficult period for parents in America, with very few exceptions. Struggling to find their own place in the world, teenagers often rebel against the ways of their parents. They want to experiment to find out what is best for them. And, unfortunately, Muslim parents may also face many of the same problems with their teenagers that non-Muslim families face.
Muslim children can also be tempted to drink alcohol or take drugs, be physically attracted to someone of the opposite sex in their class, skip school, or get involved in the wrong crowd.
No doubt, it will be a traumatic experience for a Muslim family to find out that their son or daughter is taking drugs, secretly going out on dates with the opposite sex, or getting in trouble with the police, but it could happen. And what if they become addicts, contract AIDS by having unmarried sex, or become a mother or father before marriage. Our great dreams for our children could suddenly turn into nightmares. It has happened to other Muslim families.
This is, of course, a very frightening thought for most parents. Some will merely say that it won’t happen to their Muslim child. But others will take action and look for ways to prevent these problems or to better handle them if they arise. 
Although no two families have exactly the same situation, there are some general guidelines for dealing with Muslim teenagers that might be useful.
We should teach them from an early age about Allah Ta’aala , the Prophets AS, the Sahabah RA, and the great heroes of Islam.
If we develop in them a love for Islam and provide them with righteous examples for their heroes, they will be much less likely to go astray. A person wants to be like his heroes. If he admires Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam, Abu Bakr Radhiyallahu Anhu, and AliRadhiyallahu Anhu, he will try to follow their example. If he admires a rock star or a gang leader, he will want to be like them. If we inspire our children with good examples, when they are tempted to do wrong, they will, InshaAllah, remember these examples and remain steadfast. 
Although I was raised as a Christian and didn’t embrace Islam until I was in my 20s, I was greatly influenced by the Biblical stories of Prophets like Nuh, Ibrahim, Musa, and Isa (Peace be upon them all). Although the Biblical stories were not in their pure form, they still inculcated in me a love and respect for the way of the Prophets. Although I fell into many of the temptations of youth, Alhamdulillah, I always felt something within me holding me back from going too far. While many of my friends went headlong into a highly destructive way of life, I believe that my knowledge of, and affection for, the Prophets helped me to return to a better path.
We must be very careful about our children’s friends
During the teenage years, children often care more about what their friends say than what their parents or elders say. According to a hadith, “Man is upon the path of his intimate friend; so let each look to whom he takes as a friend.” If our children have good, sincere, and righteous friends, the chances are good that our children will be like them. If, on the other hand, our children hang around with children who take drugs and get into trouble, our children will likely take drugs and get into trouble. 
Therefore, it is essential from an early age that we try to get our children involved with good children. One way to encourage this is by regularly taking them to the mosque (be careful not creating disturbance) or by sending them to an Islamic school where they will have the opportunity to meet and interact with Muslim children. We should be worried though if our children start hanging around with bad-mannered and disrespectful children.
We should encourage our children to participate in wholesome religious, social, and sports activities
Bored teenagers are more likely to look for fun and excitement in the wrong place. “Idle hands are the devil’s (shaytan’s) workshop,” someone once said. If teenagers’ lives are full of good and exciting things to do, they will not have the time or the desire to get involved in bad things. 
We should try to channel their teenage zeal into constructive avenues
Sometimes, teenagers begin to criticize the way of life of their parents and society, and parents are often angered by this. However, we must keep in mind that sometimes they may be right. Our lives and our society are not perfect, and teenagers may have fresh insight into how to improve them. In Living With Teenagers: A Guide for Muslim Parents, Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood writes:
“Teenagers are idealists—they want to change the world, and make it a better place. These are not bad ideals, and it is a great pity that adults have forgotten their own ideals in the rat race of daily life. You, the parent, may have ended up as just a hard-working nonentity in some quiet niche in life; a teenager who is a real idealist may end up as a famous person, a reformer, a politician, an aid worker —who knows. The future lies there before them.
It is therefore a foolish parent who tries to ridicule and trample on that young idealism. If it is consistent with Islam, it should be fervently encouraged, and not set at naught.”
If a teenager is idealistic and wants to improve the world, we should encourage him and help him. If he if full of zeal but lacks the proper direction, we should help him to use that zeal constructively. If we get teenagers involved in helping those in need and in working for important causes, their zeal could make a tremendous impact.
We should sometimes admit that we are wrong
Parents make mistakes. If we admit to our children that we are wrong at times, they will not always feel that they have to rebel against us and prove that we are wrong.
We should listen to our children
Sometimes, children act out in order to get our attention. If we give them our attention freely, they will not have to seek it in destructive ways. Also, by listening to our children, there is a greater chance that they will confide in us and ask us questions, rather than seeking answers from negative sources.
We should do what we say
Teenagers hate hypocrisy, and many of them seem to have a built-in radar for detecting it. If we want them to listen to us and take our advice, they must trust us. If we tell them not to drink, but drink ourselves, they will not respect us.
The teenage years are usually difficult, and parents need to prepare for them before they arrive. If parents have built a strong, trusting, and loving relationship with their children before the teenage years, their children will be less likely to go astray. It is very difficult to see one’s child going in the wrong direction and not know how to stop him from destroying himself. But if we work hard to instill in them the right values early and try to help them develop a wholesome lifestyle without being overbearing, perhaps we can prevent such a tragedy from ever occurring.
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Shaykh Saleem Dhorat

Time: An Irrecoverable Bounty

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

By Shaykh-ul-Hadīth, Hadrat Mawlānā Muhammad Saleem Dhorat hafizahullāh

Once, I was reading an article wherein the author had stated that from among all the favours of Allāh ta‘ālā, for every one of them there can possibly be something that may substitute it, to some extent if not fully, apart from the favour of time, for once passed, no amount of effort can bring it back neither can anything substitute it. Take the example of the favour of sight. When lost, its restoration is not totally inconceivable. Even in the state of blindness, perception, to some extent, is possible with the help of other physical senses.

So a bounty whose value excels that of others in every respect deserves to be expended carefully and in worthwhile activities. Yet we witness that carelessness shown by people in the bounty of time is more than in any other favour of Allāh ta‘ālā. 

Every moment that passes by takes away a portion of our lives. The more we grow in age the less becomes our expectancy of living further in this world. Time is the only possession of this life, which decreases constantly and with precise regularity, yet in a very unnoticeable manner.

An Urdu poet has stated that the passing of time in every man’s life is as quiet and (yet) as certain as the melting of ice.

So it is of extreme importance that we utilise our time in fruitful and rewarding pursuits and not waste it away as we usually tend to do. Let us learn to value time in the forthcoming holidays, and then, if Allāh ta‘ālā wills, we will gradually become accustomed to it and maintain the attitude throughout the year.       

The easiest method of preventing yourself from wasting time as well as gaining most from it is to prepare a timetable for yourself. This is not dissimilar to making a budget in the domain of economics. If one wishes to increase in one’s savings one will have to make a budget, thereby defining the limits of expenditure. On the contrary, if a person walks around with his entire income in his pocket, without any allocation of money, and continues to spend as the need arises, far from saving up any further, he will end up resorting to and depleting the original savings. So as we manage our finances for economical reasons so should we manage our time and maintain the same economical attitude here too.

Now as far as wasting time is concerned, there isn’t obviously a single way to do that. People will naturally waste time according to their respective inclinations or dispositions. Some may resort to completely meaningless activities and others may prefer to just sit idle and laze around. Moreover, some may become victims of overindulgence or fall a prey to perpetual self-satisfaction. Whichever the case, what is important to remember here is that the worst form of wasting time is to indulge in sinning and displeasing Allāh ta‘ālā. The displeasure of Allāh ta‘ālā is caused by the mere wasting of time too, but sinning will call for His extreme anger and invite His wrath. This is another point, which we need to earnestly reflect upon. For some temporary enjoyment we readily sacrifice our eternal abode of pleasure. For some trivial materialistic pleasure we are prepared to displease our Creator, the One Who has provided us with a vast array of bounties and different forms of lawful satisfaction of desires. Indeed He is the One Who has given us this very strength and capability which we are using to commit sins. How can we possibly displease Him?

My brothers, in reality, there is hardly any sacrifice in refraining from sins. Many of us feel that it is extremely difficult or almost impossible to abstain from sins. This is nothing but an illusion from Shaytān. Even the little discomfort we may experience in restraining ourselves from fulfilling unlawful desires is caused by Shaytān.  We should make a habit of keeping ourselves aloof from all sinful areas. It would be difficult to control and subdue the desires once having slipped. For instance, one should always keep one’s gaze down when walking the streets, as it would be difficult to avert the gaze once it falls on the opposite gender. According to a Hadīth, the gaze is a poisonous arrow from among the arrows of Shaytān. One who safeguards his eyes only due to the fear of Allāh, (far from being painful) he will find the sweetness of Īmān in his heart. (At-Targhīb)

To conclude, I would like to emphasise that in the coming holidays, and afterwards, we should manage our time and desist from wasting it, and in particular, refrain from committing sins and thereby displeasing Allāh ta‘ālā.

(Extracted from ‘Time – A Valuable Asset’ published by the Islāmic Da‘wah Academy)

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Ramadhan Shaykh Saleem Dhorat

Value Ramadān

Value Ramadān (Part 1)

Guidance and advice for the Blessed Month from
Hadrat Mawlānā Muhammad Saleem Dhorat hafizahullāh

 

Valuing Ramadān

The blessed month of Ramadān is a month of blessings, mercy and forgiveness. This sacred month will pass without us realising what valuable and precious moments were wasted. What has gone cannot come back, and what has been lost cannot be re-acquired. For one who wishes to acquire the pleasure of Allāh ta‘ālā, even one moment is sufficient.

Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam has said in a hadīth that Ramadān is a month, the beginning of which is mercy, the middle of which is forgiveness and the end of which is deliverance from the Fire of Jahannam. (Ibn Khuzaymah)

From the first of Ramadān, the Mercy of Allāh ta‘ālā descends upon those very pious servants who have no sins in their book of deeds. As far as the sinners are concerned, they are of two types: sinners of a lesser degree, and those who are so filthy that were they to die in their present condition they would go straight into the Fire of Jahannam.

As far as the sinners of a lesser degree are concerned, their sins are forgiven after their striving for 10 days. Upon seeing their hard work and effort, Allāh ta‘ālā showers His forgiveness upon them at the end of the first 10 days. For those filthy with sins upon whom Jahannam was wajib (incumbent), after working hard for 20 days, Allāh ta‘ālā’s forgiveness enshrouds them and they are then granted deliverance from the Fire of Jahannam. How merciful is Allāh ta‘ālā!

We ask Allāh ta‘ālā that He grant us Jannat-ul-Firdaws with His eternal Pleasure and save us from the Fire of Jahannam. Āmīn.

Memorable Ramadān

Make this Ramadān a memorable one. Make it a Ramadān you will remember for the rest of your life. Make it such that, inshā’allāh, in Jannah you will say it was this Ramadān from when my life changed forever and in which Allāh ta‘ālā made me His walī (special friend).

To make this Ramadān a memorable one, abstain from disobeying Allāh ta‘ālā, our Creator. Do not even think about disobeying Allāh ta‘ālā throughout the blessed month.

In order to safeguard yourself from disobeying Allāh ta‘ālā; avoid gatherings and mixing with people as many sins such as backbiting and slandering take place when one mixes with people.

Safeguard your tongue by only saying what is good and rewarding. Always think before you speak.

Safeguard your ears and eyes from those things which are disliked by Allāh ta‘ālā.

Value Ramadān (Part 2)

Guidance and advice for the Blessed Month from
Hadrat Mawlānā Muhammad Saleem Dhorat hafizahullāh

 

Time for Taqwā

The common definition of Taqwā is to abstain from the disobedience to Allāh ta‘ālā be it minor or major. In the initial stages this will seem difficult. However, if one strives and compels his nafs to stay away from the disobedience to Allāh ta‘ālā, then Allāh ta‘ālā will honour him with true Taqwa by enlightening his heart with the nūr (light) of Taqwā. Once this happens, one will no longer have to struggle to avoid sins as before; rather the heart will develop a disliking for them.

His condition will become like that of a person who has to walk through a path with filth all around. He will be repulsed at the very thought and will try his utmost to avoid that route. However, if he is compelled then he will be very careful as not to let the filth dirty him or his clothes. If by chance some filth does dirty his clothing, he will not be able to rest in peace until it is washed off. Similar is the case of that person whose heart is enlightened with the nūr (light) of Taqwā. He will have an aversion to sins, and if he was to slip and commit a sin, he will not be able to rest in peace until he makes Tawbah (repentance) and cleans his heart from the filth of sinning.
There is no better time to adorn ones heart with true Taqwā then the month of Ramadān. The one who values Ramadān and spends his time wisely will become a muttaqī.

 

Value Time

We should make the most out of this Ramadān as only Allāh ta‘ālā knows who will live to see the next Ramadān. Value every moment by:

  • Carrying out as much ‘ibādah (worship) as possible.
  • Spending as much time in the masjid as possible.
  • Staying away from every sinful activity. A large tank full of milk with only a few drops of urine or alcohol is useless. Similarly a tank full of ‘ibādah mixed with a few ‘drops’ of sin will have no value.
  • Staying away from the internet. Many people use the internet for good reasons and with good intentions, and then end up on sites that cause us to sin. We move from site to site without even realising that we are committing sins. Furthermore, the internet is such a waste of our time that we log on for only a few minutes, but hours pass in futility without us even realising.
  • Staying away from answering unnecessary e-mails; they can wait until after Ramadān.

 

Value Ramadān (Part 3)

Guidance and advice for the Blessed Month from
Hadrat Mawlānā Muhammad Saleem Dhorat hafizahullāh

 

Overtime in Ramadān

When we have the opportunity to do overtime at work and earn time and a half or double pay, we ensure we do not miss out on the opportunity.

In Ramadān, a fard (compulsory) action is worth seventy times its value and a nafl (optional) action is worth the same as a fard action out of Ramadān. Despite the increase in rewards being so huge, we do not find the zeal to do anything extra for our hereafter, in stark contrast to our readiness to do overtime for material gain.

Ramadān Festivals

Sometimes, Ramadān or ‘Īd festivals are organised during the last ten days of Ramadān. As a result, people waste precious moments and lose out on the blessings of the last ten days of Ramadān. Often these events take place at the time of tarāwīh and are for sisters only, resulting in them missing tarāwīh and losing out on the opportunity to find Laylat-ul-Qadr. We should refrain from such events as they divert us from our goal during the month of Ramadān.

Special Offers

Some people frequent takeaways after tarāwīh, attracted by special offers. Such offers deprive them of the great treasures offered by Allāh ta‘ālā in the month of Ramadān. In addition, they get involved in lā ya‘nī (those acts that do not bring any benefit in this world nor the hereafter) and sometimes sin and as a result throw away any spiritual benefits they had gained that day. Worse still, some people start visiting restaurants and takeaways even earlier and miss tarāwīh.

Categories
Ramadhan Shaykh Saleem Dhorat

Valuing the Month of Ramadān

By Hadrat Mawlānā Muhammad Saleem Dhorat hafizahullāh

We have all been blessed with the month of Ramadān many times during the course of our lives. For some, the number will be a single figure, and for others double figures. However, for the majority of us, the month of Ramadān is just another month; it comes and goes like any other.

In relation to valuing this great month, there are many questions we need to ask ourselves. We may be well acquainted with all the virtues of the month of Ramadān; but do we take advantage of these virtues? The most important way of measuring whether we value the month of Ramadān or not is to ask the question: Have we acquired the goal of Ramadān during any of the previous months of Ramadān, which is to acquire taqwā?

If we have not yet achieved this goal, then we need to ask ourselves whether we have made it an objective in this coming Ramadān? Remember that in the famoushadīth of Kā‘b ibn ‘Ujrah radhiyallāhu ‘anhu, the Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallamand Jibra’īl ‘alayhis salām cursed those who fail to attract the Forgiveness of Allāhta‘ālā during the month of Ramadān. To help us truly value the month of Ramadān, we need to take lessons from the Ramadān of those who did value this blessed month. Let us take a glimpse at how our pious predecessors spent the month of Ramadān:

•  Aswad ibn Yazīd rahimahullāh would complete the Qur’ān every second night in Ramadān. (Siyar-A‘lām-An-Nubalā’)

•  Sa‘īd ibn Jubayr rahimahullāh would spend the time between Maghrib and ‘Ishā’ [which normally people spend in resting] in tilāwah and would recite the whole Qur’ān in one sitting. (The ‘Ishā’ salāh would be delayed.) (Ibid)

•  Hammād ibn Abī Sulaymān rahimahullāh would feed 500 people for iftār during Ramadān. (Ibid)

•  Qatādah rahimahullāh would complete the Qur’ān every third day during the first twenty days of Ramadān and every night in the last ten days. (Ibid)

•  Ibn Shihāb Zuhrī rahimahullāh would say, “Ramadān is nothing but for tilāwah of the Qur’ān and to feed people.” (Latā’if-ul-Ma‘ārif)

•  Imām Abū Hanīfah rahimahullāh and Imām Shāfi‘ī rahimahullāh would complete the Qur’ān twice daily in the month of Ramadān, with the latter completing the Qur’ān one more time during the night of ‘Īd and yet again during the day.

•  Imām Mālik rahimahullāh and Sufyān Thawrī rahimahullāh both would leave their everyday engagements and spend the whole time in the recitation of the Qur’ān. (Latā’if-ul-Ma‘ārif)

•  Imām Bukhārī rahimahullāh used to complete the Qur’ān 41 times in the Month of Ramadān; once every day, once during the whole month in the tarāwīh prayer, and ten juz daily in Tahajjud salāh.

•  Hājī Imdādullāh rahimahullāh never slept in the blessed month of Ramadān. After the Maghrib salāh, two huffāz led him in nafl salāh, reciting one juz each until ‘Ishā’ salāh. After ‘Ishā salāh, two huffāz would recite one after the other until half the night, and then another two huffāz would recite one after the other in Tahajjud salāh. In essence, the whole night was spent in worship.

•  Hadrat Mawlānā Rashīd Ahmad Gangohī rahimahullāh, even at the age of seventy, would spend all his time in worshipping Allāh ta‘ālā, fasting – despite the heat, and performing twenty raka‘āt nafl after the Maghrib salāh, reciting at least two juz in them. He would then also spend two and a half to three hours during the night in Tahajjud salāh, amongst his many other devotions during the day.

•  Shaykh-ul-Hind rahimahullāh would spend the whole night listening to the Qur’ān. It was common that he would stand in one place and the reciters would change over and take rest.

•  Qāri Fatah Muhammad Pānipattī rahimahullāh during his later life would spend the time after tarāwīh salāh until subh sādiq reciting ten juz of the Qur’ān, taking extra care in tajwīd.

•  Mawlānā Manzūr Nu‘mānī rahimahullāh states that Mawlānā Ilyāsrahimahullāh daily average of tilāwah in Ramadān was 35 juz, with concentration and understanding of the text. Moreover, the women folk in his home, together with their daily practices of dhikr and tasbīhāt, at times, would complete a whole Qur’ān in one day.

•  It is stated about Hadrat Mawlānā Yahyā rahimahullāh that, during one Ramadān which he passed in mīrat, he would recite the Qur’ān once daily and would complete it by the time of iftār.

•  Shāh Abd-ur-Rahīm Raipūrī rahimahullāh used to spend the whole night reciting the Qur’ān, and in twenty four hours he would rarely sleep more than an hour.

•  Shaykh-ul-Hadīth, Mawlānā Muhammad Zakariyyā rahimahullāh himself completed one Qur’ān daily during the month of Ramadān, and he kept up this practice for more than forty years.  

Let us also value this blessed month and make the most of this great opportunity granted to us by Allāh ta‘ālā by making full use of its every moment and by using it to maximise our rewards, acquire taqwā and achieve salvation in the Hereafter. Āmīn.

© Riyādul Jannah (Vol. 23 No. 5, May 2014)

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