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Marriage

Love Notes – Part 1

Love Notes –  Shaykh Yahya Ibrahim, Australia

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

love notes

  • A study looked at Muslim couples who get divorced:
  • Shaykh mentioned 68% of couples in the UK will divorce in the first 3 years of marriage.
    ○ Most of those who got divorced are educated
    ○ Many of them had the kind of jobs, where they intervene to defuse conflict
    ● The intent of the course is to speak about love to Muslims from a philosophical perspective
    ● We will talk about what makes you, you?
    ○ What does Islam offer, to make you the best of you
    ● Look at the words that are used to describe marriage and love in Islam
    ○ Imam Ibn Hazm coined the word soul mate – the first time westerners saw that a soul can love another soul

○ Imam Ibn Qayim RH has a book called Rawdat Al Muhibeen
○ Ibn Ul Jawzi RH – Said if a man does not know how to love, he should eat hay, because he’s a donkey
○ Muslims saw that we should cling onto one another and love one another so we can become khulafah on the earth → so that children can receive the earth in a way that is better than the way that we received it, that is the concept of khulafah
● There is no book of hadith that does not mention the love between the Prophet SAW and his wives
○ The year that Khadijah RA died, became the year of sadness
○ The Prophet SAW is a role model
● What the poster doesn’t show
○ Doesn’t show what’s behind them
● When the Prophet SAW talks about marriage, he says it’s half of your deen
○ You actualize a lot of the characteristics of Islam during your relationship with your spouse
○ The money that a man spends on his family is “sadaqah” [Muslim]

  • When you say the shahadah, it has conditions,
    ○ You begin to learn the importance of Allah when you gather knowledge [ilm]
    ○ The second step is [yaqeen] certainty
    ○ That leads you to [inqiyad] submission, which leads you to practice, in the way that Allah swt requested
    ○ Number 5 is [sidq] to be more truthful with Allah swt
    ○ and that leads you to [Ikhlas], having enough, other than Allah, put all my trust to
    ○ Last level, is love [hob] → you begin loving Allah too much to miss prayer.
    ● Love is the last level of worship, and some people worship things that they should, Allah doesn’t say worship he says love “yohiboonahu ka hob illah”
  • ‘Uboodiya (worship) → anything Allah loves for you to do, whether it is a word you say, an action you do, or a feeling in your heart
    ● We are not here just to talk about romance, we are here to talk about love, loving your dad, your mom, your country.

Definitions

● The origin for the word “husband” or “spouse” is very different in English and Qur’anic Arabic
● Husbandry: “convincing a bull to sire a cow”
● Other words for “spouse” in the Quran
زَ وج ■
● [2:35]
● two distinct, unique individuals that upon joining, become one so you don’t see the seam between them.
ِلبَاس ■
● [2:187]
● your inner intimate garment is called libas; nobody is as close to you as that garment
● “libas ul harb” the armour of war, she is the shield from the dunya
َصا ِحبَة ■
● 42 words for love in the Arabic language
● Sahib: the one that walks with you for life

ن
قُ رةَ أَ ْعُي
● [25:74]
● “fills the eyes of your husband”
● “there is no provision greater than that of a righteous woman. She is a women that when a husband sees her, he feels happiness in the heart” [Muslim]
ِحصن ■
● She’s your fortress, palace, castle
● You are the moat that surrounds her
بَعِلي ■
● [11:72]
● “My spring/fountain of all good”
● He is the one that showers me with good, with his words, his wealth, etc
● That is how Sarah describes Ibrahim (AS)
● He created the heavens and earth in truth. He wraps the night over the day and wraps the day over the night and has subjected the sun and the moon, each running [its course] for a specified term. Unquestionably, He is the Exalted in Might, the Perpetual Forgiver. He created you from one soul. Then He made from it its mate… [39:5-6]
○ When Allah talks about all these dualities (heavens/earth, night/day, sun/moon), He inserts one singularity: one soul.
○ when you get married, you’re two separate entities that come together from one pairing

So exalted is Allah when you reach the evening and when you reach the morning. And
to Him is [due all] praise throughout the heavens and the earth. And [exalted is He] at
night and when you are at noon. He brings the living out of the dead and brings the
dead out of the living and brings to life the earth after its lifelessness. And thus will you
be brought out. And of His signs is that He created you from dust; then, suddenly you
were human beings dispersing [throughout the earth]. And of His signs is that He
created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He
placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. And of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the
diversity of your languages and your colours. Indeed, in that are signs for those of
knowledge.
Surah Rum [30:17-22]

– He speaks about light and day – He speaks about the lifeless earth coming back to life and thriving with vegetation – Then he talks about the soul vs dust – And in the middle of all these he talks about the relationship in partners, and it is no longer about the dualities, it is about the singularity

→ Someone from yourselves, mates He likes it to- “signs” His about talking by verse ends AND begins -إِ ن فِي َٰذَِل َك َلَيَا ت – saying, “pay attention” – Prophet (SAW) – when Adam was created, our souls were created “like ants” – there’s a moment where the soul is brought to life. you’re born into this life and your soul itself is not extinguishable – Prophet (SAW) (Hadith of Imam Bukhari) – The souls when they were created in the time of Adam, they were brought into groupings, and the souls became familiar with one another – A long essay is written about this hadith, and it says if there is a bright soul, and it enters into a room of 1000 dark souls, and one bright soul, that soul would attach itself to the other bright soul – souls gravitate to each other … or make you hate each other’s guts – The concept of soul mates for us isn’t just husband and wife – your bffs, your parents, your teachers – scent is powerful – sometimes you might smell something in the air, maybe Coco Chanel like grandma wore…sometimes it really takes you back to a certain time in your life – Your soul remembers people, just like your scent does, and it brings warmness into your heart he said he ,(soul) روح the about asked was SAW Prophet the When – couldn’t say much that is in the knowledge of Allah and we don’t know much about it – Sometimes our soul pushes back people we should be attracted to, and that is because we need to purify our soul effort requires purification – قد أفلح من زكاها – – we attempt to connect with people for marriage and on paper they seem like reasonable candidates…but at that moment when you push back someone who is good, his soul might be too clean, and your soul might be a bit tarnished – your soul might not be accessible to that righteous man/women Good the with up matched usually is Good The – الطيبون لطيبات –

When you are looking for marriage – you need to make sure your soul is accessible to pious souls – don’t always put it on the other person

Quranic Stories about Spouses

The Qur’an is a holistic document that outlines a lifestyle for us. There are many lessons and examples for us to draw from.
Adam (AS)
○ He asks for a “sahibah”, someone with him
○ Jannah is not enough. You need someone who loves you
■ Even the shaheed, looks behind and Allah gives him the news of them joining you
○ Allah creates for him and blesses him with his wife Hawa’
○ Allah tells Adam (AS) to not eat from the tree as Iblees is an enemy to you and Hawa [20:117]
■ (according to hadith, the greatest thing that the little shayateen can do to make Iblis happy is to convince a man and his wife to split up)
○ Iblis wanted to uncover the blessing that Allah SWT gave Adam, and expose their bad
○ Responsibility for the sin is greater on Adam (AS) (very different from other scriptures)
■ [20:121]
○ Adam AS and Hawa RA were separated when they descended to Earth
■ Jeddah got its name from Jaddah, the Arabic word for grandmother. It is where Hawa’ is believed to have descended
■ Adam AS ‘arafa-ha, or, “recognized her” a little before Maghrib and it is the same day we commemorate on ‘Arafa during Hajj
■ That is when Adam made that dua’a “Rabbana dhalamna anfusana…”
“Our Lord, we have wronged ourselves, and if You do not forgive us
and have mercy upon us, we will surely be among the losers.”
■ That dua’a and that moment of worship commemorates a moment of love that millions of people recreate on Yawm al ‘Arafa
■ Then they came together, and worshiped Allah SWT The first place that a person made sujood to Allah SWT was Adam, inside the fortified walls of the ka’abah.
Ayyoub (AS)

○ Lots of time people say, we should have patience/endurance like Ayoub (AS)
○ For the first 50 years of his life, Allah gave him prosperity
■ (he had 7 daughters and 7 sons, wealth, the people who he was sent to preach to accept him)
○ After 50 years of prosperity, Allah began to test him.
■ The earthquake made his house collapse and children all died at once;
■ All his servants were killed and wealth looted;
■ people thought he was a false prophet, because “why would God do this to a righteous prophet? he must be cursed.” everyone left his side;
■ His body became decayed and sickly
○ His wife stayed. This man who had everything, lost everything, except his wife
■ The woman who was a mistress of the house became a servant
■ People did not want to be near her as to not “catch her curse”
■ She would ask Ayoub to make dua’a to Allah, and Ayoub said “I am shy to ask Allah after 50 years of prosperity, to ask Allah for relief after only 4 years of hardship”
■ His wife came back with food and when he asked where it came from she pulled back her scarf (she had cut her hair and sold it for food)
○ After seeing his wife suffer, this man (AS) of patience made dua’a “My lord harm has touched me and my family, and you are the most merciful of those who show mercy”
■ It was as if Allah was just waiting for him to ask…
■ A spring gushed forth and Ayyub (AS) drank from the spring, and became young and has been given their life again and everything returned to him
■ The thing that moved Ayoub was love, it is that he loved his wife more than his own patience
○ The right of the servant is to be put before the right you owe Allah CIRCUMSTANTIALLY
■ If your wife (or mom or dad etc) falls sick, and you were going to hajj and your ihraam is on and your foot almost out the door, you stay.

→ The right your family member has on you is greater than that obligation to Allah
■ Abdullah Ibn Mubarak RH – Went for hajj and saw a dream of those who made hajj and their hajj was accepted. He saw the face of a man and where he lived
● Abdullah immediately went to see him. Upon meeting the man, he found that he had not made hajj! The man said that he was on his when he saw an impoverished man. He realized that he that the wealth he had planned to use to go
Love Notes By Sh Yahya Ibrahim 5 to hajj would be enough to get the man in need on his own two feet. So he gave it to him and made dua’a that he would get to go for Hajj later. THAT is the man that Abdullah saw with a shining face.
● Prophet Dawood (AS)
○ King of his time, had many wives
○ Looked over his marketplace and saw a beautiful woman. He asked if this woman is spoken for? They said no, but she is promised to the general.
■ for a moment Dawud (AS)’s heart thought “if that man becomes Shaheed… Allah give him Jannah” lol
○ (In Surah Saad)
■ Allah sent two men (really angels) that jump in front of him and he reels back. One of them says “don’t be scared, we are two men that are quarrelling. He has 99 sheep and I have 1 (representing blessings), and he keeps desiring my 1 sheep to complete his 1 00.
■ Dawud says, he has wronged you to even suggest that he should give you your sheep.
■ Then it clicked in his mind that it was a test from Allah! It was a message indicating that he (AS) have been blessed with so much, and that generally is the one who has that one sheep…so Dawud (AS) fell in prostration
○ The stories of the Quran are full of love and passion
Nuh (AS)
○ Imagine you are some sheikh, and you are on the pulpit for Juma’a and you are telling it as it is…Then your wife walks out and says “It’s all nonsense! He is making it all up!” Your son is sitting there and saying, “PSHHH, don’t listen to this guy. He knows nothing.” (People would be like, when your family believes, then come talk to me lol”)
○ Your wife and your son become adversaries and they become leaders of those who disbelieve
○ Imagine that is you, just a sheikh – Imagine being the Prophet of Allah
○ Nuh AS never gives up
○ Nuh is on a ship on land that has been experiencing a drought for years and people are looking at him like he is crazy – until Allah swt orders the sky to let down its rain, and the sky gushes until the waves become the size of mountains
■ And Nuh asks his son, belief in God so I can let you on the ship, his son says, I don’t believe in you or your god or your ship, I’ll go up to that mountain and it will protect me from the waters
■ So he says, my son, none will be protected except those that are on this ship, and then he refuses and he becomes one of those who drowned
■ Nuh says to Allah “When you promise, it is true, you said you would save me and my family, he is part of me and he drowned” so Allah said, “he is not your family, forget him”
● The illegitimate is not to be loved, Allah will always get you out of those drowning waters and until the last moments Allah will provide you what is good – but he will never make the illegitimate, legitimate
● What makes you and I who we are? Why are the stories of the messengers something that still resonates with us?
○ Part 1: Jasad – 70% of us is water, 30% is organic
■ The difference between us and pigs is less than 1% (genetically speaking)
■ In the Quran: Those who know God, but do not accept God are like Cattle
○ Part 2: Mind
■ Rational being, we think and can anticipate what is happening
■ Allah has blessed the son of Adam with the mind, drugs and intoxicants are haram because they take away the mind
■ Don’t think that animals do not have emotions and feelings too
■ Sheikh plays this video
● Sometimes we think we are the only beings that actually matter
● Ibn Qayim writes 60 pages on Allah quoting the ant
○ Ant knows delegation & authority
○ Knows what is home & what isn’t
○ It knows name “Solomon”, and his troops (knows our functions)
○ And the ant makes an excuse (if they trample you then they don’t know)
○ Ibn Qayyim lists 11 types of language that the ant uses
■ Allah inspires the bees regarding how it can live its life
■ Don’t ever think that the world around you is meaningless, simple experiments show that there is so much more in the world that Allah created
■ They are a nation, just like you are a nation
○ Part 3: Soul
■ There are 3 components, and this 3rd part is what makes us insaan
■ The majesty of the soul lives in the heart – The heart is the throne of the soul
● The chest is what protects the heart
● Haritha (one of the sahabah) is walking and the Prophet SAW says how are you and he says I woke up a mu’min, Prophet SAW said why? He said when I pray it is if I see Allah but I do not see him; when I sin, I see the fire, but it is not
Love Notes By Sh Yahya Ibrahim 7 there; When I do good, I see Jannah, but I do not see it – So Prophet SAW touches his chest and he says you are a believer
● Hope, mercy, love of God is in your chest, it is important to keep that spirit true
● When Allah talks about Imaan he says Allah opened his chest to Imaan (that is the imagery given to us by Allah SWT)
● That is why the heart is so important to talk about love because the heart is what governs the rest of us
● When your heart is closer to Allah, it is easier to come closer to people à that is the beauty of the dua’ of Musa “’ishrahly sadry”, open my heart to people
● The premise of this class is to bring our hearts closer to Allah so that we can come close to his servants
■ The 3 levels are ascending levels
■ Islam also has 3 levels, Islam, Ihsan and Iman; Each of those 3 levels matches our 3 parts
● Islam (Jasad) – You must physically say the words of the shahadah, pray, fast, do Hajj, and give zakat, Islam matches the physicalness of you jasad
● Imaan (Akl) – Matches your mind, the 6 articles of faith cannot be qualified/rationalized, but they are believed. Iman came to subdue the rationale that pulls you away from Allah
● Ihsan (Ruh) – Even though you cannot see Allah in life, your heart is always aware of Allah. Everything you witness in life connects you to Allah
○ Imam Sufyan al Thawri is walking out of the masjid, and a man begins to abuse him, his students try to stop him, he says no leave him and he says “I know the sin that I did that brought this upon me”
○ Imam Sufyan RH would give his students 3 rules when teaching them:
■ Correct what is between you and Allah, and he will help you correct what is between you and mankind
■ Fix what is between you and Allah privately, he will make your public good with others
■ Remember Allah when you don’t need him, and he will know you when you need him
○ There are angels whose job is to catch our hadith (dua’a) and throw it back at us because it is not worthy of ascending – hadith of the Prophet SAW armour.

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In Pursuit of Happiness…

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Allah says: “Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children – like the example of a rain whose [resulting] plant growth pleases the tillers; then it dries and you see it turned yellow; then it becomes [scattered] debris. And in the Hereafter is severe punishment and forgiveness from Allāh and approval. And what is the worldly life except for the enjoyment of delusion.” ( Qur’an 57:20)

moneyHappiness or Money?

“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people that they don’t like.”

I believe that money can’t buy you happiness. Sure, having a lot of money is a great thing and gets rid of the stress of financial insecurity. But real happiness can’t be bought by money. Thinking about life has led me to think about this popular belief and realise it’s completely true. Although being financially secure is one of the best things in the world, it won’t necessarily bring you happiness. Many people dream of being rich. They think of all the things they can buy with money such as big houses, fancy cars, and long vacations. People make it their goal to get into a good college to get a good job and make a lot of money. With financial security, people think they have more time to spend relaxing and being happy. There are so many success stories of people going from “rags to riches” and people try to follow their footsteps and do the same thing. Basically, we all get this idea that being rich is a great thing and it will guarantee happiness, but is it true? On the flip side, there are also people who have gone from millionaires (karor pati) to living off benefits (road pati).

 

As Muslims we are taught to rely on Allah SWT for our sustenance, Allah provides. Obviously, tie your camel then trust in Allah. I would like to narrate a passage from a lecture of an Imam from Madinah –  Shaykh Muhammad al-Mukhtar ash-Sinqitee (Allah preserve him): “The happiest of people is the one who addresses his complaints to Allah and not to his creation. The happiest of people is the one who puts his certainty in Allah and does not put his certainty in Zayd or Amr (i.e. people). If a person was in debt and your friend said I will talk to such and such a person he is wealthy. And your debt will be relieved very easily by that person. How certain will you be about your debt being settled and your hardship being removed?

But how about the King of Kings the One who has depositories of the Heavens and the Earth in His hand? How about the Most Generous, which the fullness of His Hand is not affected by the continuous spending, night and day. O Allah! Make our poorness to You, and our richness in You. Be rich in Allah, have trust in Allah. People turning away from you is indeed a blessing from Allah, He wants you to turn to Him.”

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) as saying:

“Many a people with dishevelled hair are driven away from the door (but they are so pious) that if they are to swear in the name of Allah, He would definitely fulfil that.” (Saheeh Muslim)

The happiest of people are the one who says, “Ya Rabb!” – and Allah answers his supplications. By Allah! Happiness is not in wealth; if it was in wealth, the happiest of the people would have been Qaroon, but he was amongst the most unfortunate and miserable of people, “And we caused the earth to swallow him and his home.” (28:81)

Wealth is not happiness and happiness is not when you ask people and they give you. True happiness is when Allah will open the doors of heaven for you, Allah make us from them. Ameen!

It was narrated from Abū Hurayrah (raḍiy Allāhu ʿanhu) that the Messenger of Allāh (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) used to tie a stone to his stomach because of hunger. (Ibnul Arabi in Mu’jam)

Money only makes a person want more money – it creates greed and thrives off the desire for more and more. I heard someone recently say regarding another person who has a fulfilling business that ‘he’s lazy and not enthusiastic’ simply because he has shown a level of contentment within his business and refuses to advance it further.

Why? Because, unlike many many others, by Allah, he has resisted that monetary lust and has sukoon/peace in the amount he has. And why was he called lazy? Because unfortunately, today, many people think that the successful and admirable one is he who is able to keep the revenue rolling constantly until there is more money than one will EVER need.

Abū Saʿīd Khudri (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allāh’s Messenger (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said,

“The world is sweet and green (alluring) and verily Allāh is going to install you as vicegerent in it in order to see how you act. So avoid the allurement of women: verily, the first trial for the people of Isrā’īl was caused by women. (And in the ḥadīth transmitted on the authority of Ibn Bashshar the words are:) so that He should see how you act.” (Saheeh Muslim)

 

The feeling of constantly wanting to generate money has terrible, subconscious effects on oneself. The person is in a constant trance-like mode whereby he is forever thinking about the next project that will bring him a profit and in this there is no barakah/blessings in his day for any extra Qur’an, adhkar and Islamic progression. Many so-called religious folks try justifying their love for wealth and materialism by stating companions such as Uthman Ghani (Allah be pleased with him) and AbdulRehman ibn Awf (Allah be pleased with him) who were wealthy… Dear brothers and sisters, with the wealth of Uthman (Allah be pleased with him) must come the Taqwa of Uthman as well! Scholars have also got sucked into materialism and consumerism, please see this article on scholars charging for Da’wah.

The Prophet (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) was seen by ʿUmar (raḍiy Allāhu ʿanhu) with dust on his clothes from having slept on the floor. ʿUmar (raḍiy Allāhu ʿanhu) wished to provide the Prophet (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) with a more comfortable bed and the reply was,

“What have I to gain in this world? The like of this world is as that of a traveller who is travelling in the sun and he sits under a tree momentarily and then gets up and continues on.” (Tirmidhi)

For example, In “The High Price Of Materialism” Tim Kasser says, No matter how many fancy designer clothes, cars, or jewels they might obtain, no matter how big their house or how up-to-date their electronic equipment, the lost opportunity to engage in pleasurable activities and enjoy each others’ companionship will work against need satisfaction, and thus against their happiness.

Happiness is the most valuable aim of a human being. While the earth is getting complicated and changing day by day, almost all people are trying to have a happy and fulfilling life. During this pursuit of happiness, our relationships play a crucial role. In the pace of life, when we have encountered some stressful or disappointing situation or cases, in order to take a breath we always consult our families and fly into our family’s arms. If we have our own families and their real support, it is the most reliable way to reach happiness and relief. But sometimes people can be in a dilemma between possessions and relationships. This is the point of collapsing real happiness because when the passion of money comes to a person, he starts to abandon his family. He thinks as if money will bring them happiness and a good life. But it won’t. As Tim Kasser says in the article of Mixed Messages “a focus on materialistic values detracts from well-being and happiness. For example, when spouses spend most of their time working to make money, they neglect opportunities to be with each other and do what most interests them.” And again in Downshifting in Britain

As you can see in these sentences as long as people don’t allocate enough time for their families, there is no way to make them happy.love life

“Difficulties in managing work-life balance can have a detrimental impact on the quality of the relationships between parents and children and the parent’s responsiveness to the child, with implications for child outcomes. This is particularly important for every young child, with evidence suggesting that it is best for children if they can receive intensive parental contact for the first months (HM Treasury & DTI 2003, p 13-14).”

The word ‘happy’ is defined by the Oxford dictionary as: “Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment,” however happiness means different things to each individual person. Most people’s definition of happiness would include words along the lines of ‘love’ and ‘health’, and others may include ‘family’ ‘friends’ ‘belief’ ‘achievement’ these are all things that money does not give you. The truly happy people I’ve known have been those who were engaged in meaningful work, paid or unpaid. These people were so busy living their lives in pursuit of something larger than themselves that they had no time to wonder, “Am I happy?” They just were.

The other most important step to reach happiness is our satisfaction. Because actually, the money doesn’t make us happy, it can help us just by providing some satisfaction. When we lost our satisfaction, it means we lost our happiness and this is exactly what our possessions do. Lots of people in consumer countries and societies think that they always need more money than they have now, even if they are wealthy and rich people. In the book of Clive Hamilton, this situation is stated with this sentence: “The trouble with the rat race is, even if you win, you are still a rat.” Because of the society that they belong to, they are convinced that more money means always more happiness. So without exception, all people are trying to have more possessions to be satisfied by being able to buy what they need.

In conclusion, I believe that money provides temporary satisfaction but that is up to you to figure out how to truly be happy. You need to start with basics like enough money for food and shelter, but if you try to build on your fortune then you must keep your priorities right; friends and family first. If you lose your money, then who will be there for you to catch you when you fall from that high horse that you have been riding for so long? Your friends and family. My definition of happiness would be living a healthy life surrounded by my family and friends, yes I would need money for food and shelter but after that, how much do I really need?

Anas bin Mālik (Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allāh (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said:

“Whoever makes the Hereafter his goal, Allāh makes his heart rich, and organises his affairs, and the world comes to him whether it wants to or not. And whoever makes the world his goal, Allāh puts his poverty right before his eyes and disorganises his affairs, and the world does not come to him, except what has been decreed for him.” (Tirmidhi)life.jpg

Ismail Ibn Nazir Satia (One who is in dire need of Allah’s forgiveness, mercy and pleasure)

24 Rabiul Thani 1440

 

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O Traveller to the Haram! Part II

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

madeenah.jpg

Continued…

Hajj

For those going first time it is easy to get lost, there are a lot of hotels and sometimes they all look the same to you and you might be quite a distance from the Haram. For the first few days go with someone to the Haram, and remember the walk back and picture a big hotel or shop nearby, e.g my hotel is near Hilton or behind Movenpick. Keep the hotel card, especially if you have elderly parents with you.

Remember, those going for Hajj there will be approximately 3 million people in Hajj. Thinking of that should give you the ability to be more patient. Hajj is nothing but an expression of love. During the journey towards Allah, the haji bears all difficulties with great patience. Also, bear in mind there will be delays. If you arrive late at Arafat or Muzdalifah you will still be rewarded for your intention so do not fret or frown. Arafat day try and spend the most time in Dua from Dhuhr to Maghrib in a standing position (as long as possible). Arafat to Muzdalifah is usually a difficult one as most if not all of the people take the buses as it is dark after Maghrib. It is ideal to walk the rest of Hajj, saves you from the headache of buses. If your bus is late, spend the time in dhikr and Qur’an not talking or gossiping or on WhatsApp and social media. Don’t let Shaytan take advantage.

Can I also say about keeping yourself clean during the days of Hajj? Please don’t neglect personal hygiene and yes stick to the restrictions…but there are going to be millions of people there and there will be germs everywhere, keep a fragrance-free hand gel and keep washing your hands to stop spreading any unwanted germs. When sneezing and coughing remember to use tissues and wash your hands if possible after.
Allah SWT has made things easy for us now, personal hygiene is more important at times like this not just for you but to take other people into consideration too, the elderly the sick those who have terminal illnesses who will be around if you’re not washing to keep clean you will spread germs.

There are even some things that recite the talbīyah alongside a muḥrim when one recites it. “There is no Muslim who recites the talbīyah during the Ḥajj andʿUmrah but that everything which is to his right and left also recite it with him. Whether it is rocks, trees or even soil, to the farthest ends of the earth in each direction, from here and from there.” (Tirmidhī)

THE SIGNS OF HAJJ E MABROOR & HAJJ E MAQBOOL
Hajj e mabroor is where no mistake is made for which penalty will have to be given.
Hajj e maqbul is the hajj that has been accepted by Allah, this also includes performing the hajj with lawful money.
Sometimes both these words are used for the term accepted hajj.
A sign of an accepted hajj is that the pilgrims life changes from bad to good, love for the hereafter increases, and the desire for worldly things decline.
Five times daily salah ,zakah, fasting in the holy month of Ramadhan and for women a full sharee purdah.
Previous fasts and salah must be completed through qadha, unpaid zakah must be paid and the sunnah of Rasulullah SAW must be learned and practiced upon.
Become a practising muslim and abide by the laws of Shariah.
Allah grant all the hajis and hajyanis hajj e mabroor and maqbool Ameen thumma Ameen

Miscellaneous

Daily Items to take to the Haram/Masjid: Drawstring bag for slippers, musalla, water bottle, Qur’an, dua books/tasbih, mobile phone and money.

Janazah Salah Sayyiduna Abu Hurayrah (radiyallahu ‘anhu) reports that Rasulullah ﷺ said: “Whoever attends the funeral procession and offers the Janazah Salah, will get a reward equal to one ‘qirat’, and whoever accompanies it till burial, will get a reward equal to two ‘qirats’. It was asked, “What are two qirats?” He answered, “Like two huge mountains.” (Sahih Bukhari, Hadith: 1325 and Sahih Muslim, Hadith: 945)

For those travelling for the first time, there will be Janazah Salah after every Fardh Salah almost. You will hear an announcement, “As-Salah ala Al-Amwaat” or “As-Salah ala Al-Atfaal” (Prayer for the deceased or prayer for children). We should seize the opportunity as it takes only a few minutes to pray. As a lot of people tend to forget the method and women may never have prayed Janazah Salah, the method is here:

Method of Janazah Salah:

The manner of performing Salatul Janazah is as follows:

The body of the deceased must be placed in front of the Imam who leads the Salah.

The Imam stands in line with the chest of the deceased.

Everyone in the congregation must have the intention of performing Salaah Al Janazah for the sake of Allah and in prayer for the deceased.

Make the intention of praying behind Imam.

One must then say Allahu Akbar while raising both hands as in Takbeer At Tahreema (the same manner in which one raises his hands to begin the daily Salah).

Then fold your hands as one does in his daily Salah.

At this time, one must recite the 1) Thana. The Thana is:-

“Subhanakallahumma wa bihamdika wa Tabarakasmuka wa Ta’aala Jadduka wa laa ilaha Ghairuka.”

2) After this, a person must say Allahu Akbar again, but must not raise his hands.

At this time, one will recite the Durood, (preferably the same as recited in the daily Salah).

3) Then say Allahu Akbar once again without raising your hands. After this takbeer, one will make the dua for the deceased.

Based on who the deceased is, one will recite the relevant dua. That is, there is a special dua for adults, one for a minor boy and another for a minor girl.

The dua for an adult is:

Allaahurnmaghfir li hayyinaa wa mayyitinaa wa shahidi­naa wa gha-ibinaa wasaghiri­naa wa kabirinaa wa dhakari­naa wa unthanaa,

Allaahumma man ahyaitahu minnaa fa’ahyihi ‘alal islam wa man tawaffaitahu minnaa fatawaffahu ‘alal imaan.

O Allah! Forgive those of us that are alive and those of us who are dead, those of us that are present, those of us who are absent, those of us that are young and those of us that are adults; our males and our females. O Allah! Whomsoever of us you keep alive let him live as a follower of Islam and whomsoever you cause to die, let him die as a believer.

The dua for a girl child is :

Allaahum maj ‘alhaa lanaa fa-ra—tanw waj ‘alhaa lana aj-ranw wa zukhranw waj ‘alhaa lana shaafi’atan wa mushaf-fa;ah

O Allah, make her our forerunner, a source of reward and treasure and make her plead for us and one whose plea has been accepted.

The dua for a boy child is:

Allaahum maj ‘alhu lnaa fa-ra—tanw waj ‘alhu lana aj-ranw wa zukhranw waj ‘alhu lana shaafi’an wa mushaf-fa’aa

O Allah, make him our forerunner, a source of reward and treasure and make him a pleader for us and one whose plea has been accepted.

NOTE: If you don’t know any of the above Duas then pray Rabbana Aatina Fid Dunya hasanah wa fil Aakhirati Hasanah wa qina azaaban naar.

When the Salatul Janazah is finished the body should be taken to the cemetery for burial.

And Allah knows best.Madinah 71Madinahh 76

Travel Insurance
Travel insurance is not permissible even if claims are restricted to exceptional circumstances. Hadhrat Mufti Taqi Uthmani (madda zilluhu) writes in his book, contemporary fatawa: “It is a well-settled principle of Sharî’ah that every transaction between two parties in which the payment by one party to the other is certain while payment by the other party depends upon a contingency (which may or may not occur) is included in Qimâr (gambling) and gharar (deception) and is, therefore, unlawful. (Page 122) “….all the insurance policies available with traditional insurance companies run on a commercial basis have an element of interest or Qimar or both. Hence, they are not allowed in Shari’ah.” (page 164)  Allah (SWT) Knows Best.

Women and Jamat

As most women don’t attend the Masjid for Salah in the UK, they may not know how to perform missed Rak’aat with the imam:

You will stay in the sitting position with imam in the last Rak’at for tashahhud until he does the second salam in case he does sajdah e sahw after the first salam. So as soon as he finishes his second salam you will stand up to finish your missed rakats.
Method:
1 RAKAAT MISSED The Muqtadi must recite Surah Faatiha and a Surah.
2 RAKAATS MISSED The Muqtadi must recite in both Rakaats Surah Fatiha and a Surah.
3 RAKAATS MISSED In the first Rakaat, the Muqtadi must recite Surah Fatiha and a Surah and then sit for Tashahhud.
After Tashahhud, he must stand up for the second missed Rakaat and recite Surah Fatiha and a Surah.
In the third missed Rakaat, he must recite Surah Fatiha only.
4 RAKAATS MISSED In the first two Rakaats recite Surah Fatiha and a Surah.
In the second two Rakaats recite only Surah Faatiha. (Shami vol 2 pg. 346)

Witr in Ramadhan

Those who go for Umrah in Ramadhan, usually have a dilemma whether or not to pray Witr with the imam. As the imam will pray 2 rak’ah then 1 separate. It is allowed for Hanafis (people who follow Hanafi fiqh) to follow the imam in Witr. Please see fatwa below:

https://nawadir.org/2016/04/02/witr-salah-in-makkah-and-madinah/

The preferred view of Hadhrat Mufti Muhammad Taqi Uthmani Saheb (hafidhahullah) is pray 2 rak’ah nafl with the imam and then don’t pray the 1 rak’ah separate, just make dua in the qunoot/dua after rukoo.

Also, after Taraweeh Salah there is no announcement for Witr like the Masajid in England. So many people stand up for Witr thinking it is still Taraweeh and their intention will still be for Taraweeh, which will invalidate the Salah. It would be nice if they could announce Witr Salah in the Haram, otherwise we must keep a track of Rak’ahs.

Thieves

Keep your belongings with you at ALL times. In the hotel keep your suitcase and luggage locked, do not trust anyone, not even the workers. Take minimum money to the Haram, 40-50 Riyal. You should not need more than that, maximum 100 Riyal. The day you decide to go shopping, take extra money. But on a daily basis, you might need money for a drink/ice cream or something to eat. There are thieves everywhere! As blessed as Haramayn Shareefayn are, unfortunately the thieves are NOT. They will cut your pockets and run. Men should try and sew pockets into their trousers for safety. Keep your mobile and money in there. Women keep small handbags and keep them close to you, not dangling off your shoulder. Then there are other thieves or beggars who make stories up! They lost their passports or documents. Or even say they lost their wife and children. I personally do not give a Riyal to any of these guys, not because I am stingy but I want my money to go to the right place. If you don’t believe me, read this:

https://babarahmad.com/2016/08/29/pilgrims-guide-to-predators-on-hajj/

If you want to give Sadaqah or Zakah give it to the cleaners in Haram. With Zakah, you have to let them know it is Zakah.

If your belongings do get stolen or lost, there is a lost and found office called “daftarul mafqoodaat” in Arabic. It is near Safa and Marwa but far, far behind it. You have to go outside and it is a long walk, I’ll be honest. Try praying these duas:

1.
اللَّهُمَّ رَادَّ الضَّالَّةِ وَهَادِي الضَّالَّةِ أَنْتَ تَهْدِي مِنَ الضَّلَالَةِ ارْدُدْ عَلَيَّ ضَالَّتِي بِقُدْرَتِكَ وَسُلْطَانِكَ فَإِنَّهَا مِنْ عَطَائِكَ وَفَضْلِكَ
“O Allah, the Returner of the lost, and the Guide of the lost, You guide the lost. Return to me what I have lost by Your power and Your domain, for surely It was Your gift and grace in the first place”.
(Al Hisnul Haseen)
2.
يا جامع الناس ليوم لا ريب فيه
اجمع بيني وبين مالي إنك على كل شيء قدير.
Allahuma ya jami’ an-naas li yawmin laa rayba feeh ijma’ bayni wa bayna dhaallati.
“O Allah, Gatherer of mankind on the day in which there is no doubt. Connect me with my lost item.”
(Fathul qadeer)

فِيهِ آيَاتٌ بَيِّنَاتٌ مَّقَامُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ

In it are clear signs (among which is) the Maqam-e-Ibrahim.

maqam-ibrahim-masjidil.jpgMaqam-e-Ibrahim refers to the stone on which Nabi Ibrahimﷺ would stand when he was building the Ka‘bah. As the height of the building rose, the stone would automatically rise, lifting Nabi Ibrahimﷺ so that he could continue to build the Ka’bah, and when it was time for Nabi Ibrahim ﷺ to return to the ground, the stone would automatically descend.

The impression of the blessed footprints of Nabi Ibrahim ﷺ can be seen in the stone until today. It is obviously a miracle for a stone to automatically rise and descend, based on the need of the person standing on it, and for a hard stone to soften sufficiently so that it could be imprinted with his footsteps. It is for this reason that Allah Ta‘ala says that the Maqam-e-Ibrahim contains clear signs (that will guide one to recognize Allah Ta‘ala).

The Maqam-e-Ibrahim is housed in a round structure made from glass and metal, located on the mataf, close to the door of the Ka‘bah.

‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) reports that Rasulullah ﷺ said, “The Hajr-e-Aswad and Maqam-e-Ibrahim are two precious stones from the precious stones of Jannah. Allah Ta‘ala has extinguished their radiance. Had Allah not extinguished their radiance, they would have illuminated everything between the east and the west.” (Sunan Tirmidhi #878)

Take it easy

If you are going for Umrah in Ramadhan, take it easy as you are fasting as well as doing Tawaf and other acts of Ibadah. Sometimes just going to and from the Masjid can be tiring. Be sure to look after the elderly and those in your group too. If you are going for Hajj, do not tire yourself before Hajj. Some people do excessive Tawaf and Umrah before the days of Hajj then feel weak before Hajj. Remember you are “there for Hajj” make the most of it and be prepared for the 5 main days in sha Allah.

Waqf

Ibn Majah (757) narrated a hadeeth, “Whoever removes anything harmful from the mosque, Allah will build for him a house in Paradise.”

Anything found in the masjid is Waqf, please us it carefully, including the cups for Zamzam. Many people waste the cups and do not dispose of them correctly. A masjid MUST be kept clean; whether it is your local Masjid or Masjid Haram. Just because it is an extremely large Masjid does not mean it can be littered. Also on a side note, I would just like to mention here, many mothers make their children wear socks or t-shirts with picture or cartoons. This is completely Haraam! Please avoid this.

Purpose

Keep on remembering the purpose you are here for, and make a daily schedule/routine. When the heat overburdens you, remember the heat of hell fire. If you are stood in long queues or waiting amongst crowds of people, think of Qiyamah and the multitudes of people. I believe Haram Shareef is the only place you can depict Qiyamah, truly. When listening to the Qur’an in Salah, imagine the time when Jibreel AS descended upon the Prophet (peace and blessing be upon him).

Halal Food

Beware. Not all food is reliable in Saudi Arabia, especially chicken as we all know a LOT of the chicken is imported. Try and ask a reliable mufti saheb in the UK for an up to date list of reliable restaurants/takeaways. Please don’t be naive and think it is a Muslim country, so everything is Halal. Ask the workers if the chicken is “Watani” which means local/slaughtered in Saudi Arabia. When I went for Umrah in Ramadhan 2018, I asked Mufti Ibrahim Saheb Raja of Blackburn as Mufti saheb visits Haramayn ever year. He enumerated the following: in Makkah alTazaj in Bin Dawood and also the McDonald’s, he said near Ibrahim Khaleel road there are many Pakistani restaurants that serve Watani chicken, you just need to ask and confirm. In Madinah, there are much more. To name a few, Rawi, At-Tabakh, Nirala, Miraj and Dawoodiya.

Niqab

Ma Sha Allah! I will always praise and support women who wear the niqab, it is one of the greatest Jihads of the time – whether home or away. But, sadly, many women go to the holy lands and stop wearing their niqab or it becomes part-time. My dear sisters, simple advice is that you wear a niqab for many years. Some of you since you were teenagers. Not a single non-mahram has seen your face! Then you go for Hajj/Umrah and uncover your face because it’s too hot or at lunchtime for ease or in the hotel because you feel suffocated. Remember, there will be many men travelling with you from your locality and relatives who have never seen your face. Is it worth it for a few weeks to lose this modesty? Stay strong in sha Allah, Allah’s Jannah awaits you. You will be the queens of Jannah.

Maidnah 765

Madinah Munawwarah

Shaykh Haji Faruq Saheb (Allah have mercy on him) would say, on the road to Madinah try and pray Surah Kawthar 1000 times. Once you enter Madinah start continuous durood, so before you reach Masjid Nabwi ﷺ your salutations reach the beloved Prophet ﷺ.

“There are angels of Allah SWT who convey to me the salutations of the Ummah.” (an-Nisai)

Take a booklet of forty duroods and pray daily along with a fixed amount of other duroods, 100, 200 etc.

Read Seerah books beforehand or take one with you to inculcate the love of the Prophet ﷺ

The rule is not to harm anyone, anywhere. But in particular, make an extra effort in Madinah Shareef not to argue or cause inconvenience to anyone. Even the animals, birds, plants etc. This is the City of the Prophet ﷺ, the City of Mercy.

DO NOT COMPLAIN! If you do not like something, stay quiet. Women, in particular, have a habit of commenting and criticising negatively. Such silly mistakes can deprive someone of visiting the holy lands again. There is a famous story of a man who visited Madinah and had some yoghurt. He found the yoghurt sour and complained! The same night the Prophetﷺ came in his dream and said, “If you don’t like the yoghurt of my city, then don’t come again.”

Mount Uḥud even loves those who obey Allāh and His Messengerﷺ

“Uḥud is a mountain which loves us and which we love.” (Bukhārī)

Imām al-Nawawī (Allah have mercy upon him) comments and says: “Mount Uḥud truly loves us because Allāh has endowed it with a quality whereby it is able to feel love.” (Sharḥ al-Nawawī)

Salat was Salam upon our beloved Prophet ﷺ be done from anywhere in Masjid Nabwi but better in front of the Rawdhah Mubarak.

Try and pray at least two Rak’ah in Riyadhul Jannah, without pushing or causing inconvenience.

Shaykhul hadith Hadhrat Mawlana Muhammad Zakariyya (Allah have mercy upon him) would say, “When shopping in Madinah, make an intention to benefit the people of Madinah.” And I would like to add, do not haggle too much with the residents of Madinah.

Try and visit the place of Badr about 2 hours from Madinah Shareef. And there is a well on the way Bi’r Shifa. The water is known for Shifa/cure.IMG_9149

For those who do not know much about which dates to buy, I am no expert but the standard dates which people generally buy are:

Ajwa

Kalmi

Sukary

Safawi

Sugai

Ambar

Try and go to a date farm rather than the date market, the farms are not far from Masjid Nabwi ﷺ. And remember each type of date has its quality. E.g. You will get cheap Ajwa 40 or 50 Riyal per kilo but that will be low quality. Whereas the 60-70 Riyal per kilo will be higher quality, much larger and softer.

There are many suggestion boxes, usually near the doors/gates. Feel free to make positive suggestions. There are definitely many improvements to make in both places, we need to think of them and criticise constructively. We need to become a thinking Ummah, we need to produce deep thinkers in sha Allah. Also, take a notebook and pen and write down any thoughts you get. Sitting in the Haram you get some remarkable thoughts, don’t let them go! It could be changes to your life or something beneficial for the Ummah. Alhumdu Lillah, both parts of these blogs were a result of taking a notepad and jotting things down which I thought would benefit people. If you are a poet, writer, blogger, pen down your love and contemplations for these places to spread the respect and sanctity of these places. Here are two poems I wrote:

Centre of the World; Centre of Islam

Under the Green Dome

Lastly, use your time wisely and make it fruitful and productive. You never know when you will go again. Avoid arguments, this is not the place for arguments. Please don’t treat it like a holiday, you are not in Dubai or Morocco! They said in Arabic, “al-Istiqamah fawqa alf Karamah.” Steadfastness is better than 1,000 miracles! When you return back to the UK, keep up with your Salah, wearing Hijab or keeping a beard and practicing every Sunnah. Especially those Sunnah connected with Hijab. Reflect on your age and life. How you can change and remove sin and vice from your life.

Allah accept your Hajj/Umrah and make it easy and bring you back safely. Fi Amanillah.

Please pray for me too.

Ismail ibn Nazir Satia (One who is in dire need of Allah’s forgiveness, mercy and pleasure)

1 Dhul Qa’dah 1439

Madinah 888
Madinah 1907 C.E.
Categories
Shaykh Saleem Dhorat

Valuing the Last Ten Days of Ramadān

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

By Shaykh-ul-Hadīth, Hadrat Mawlānā Muhammad Saleem Dhorat hafizahullāh

The month of Ramadān is full of blessings. Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said:

And it is a month the first part [first ten days] of which is mercy, the middle part [middle ten days] is forgiveness and the last part [last ten days] is emancipation from the Fire (of Jahannam). (Ibn Khuzaymah)

Having passed through the first ten days of ‘mercy’, we find ourselves in the second ten days of ‘forgiveness’ and approaching the last ten days, wherein Allāh ta‘ālā emancipates His servants from the Fire of Jahannam. Now, we will find people with different mind-sets; some will count down the days in eager anticipation of ‘Īd after which they will not have to stay hungry and thirsty for long hours anymore; some will have spent the major part of Ramadān exerting much effort in devotion to Allāh ta‘ālā and thus feel that they can now relax in the last ten days as they have, in their opinion, carried out much ‘ibādah already; and some will not have done anything of note until now and feel that there is no point of doing anything in these remaining days.

All these mind-sets are incorrect, as the last ten days of Ramadān hold great significance and virtue over the first twenty days of Ramadān. One only needs to examine the conduct of Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam during the last ten days to understand their virtue.

The Conduct of Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam during the Last Ten Days

Sayyidah ‘Ā’ishah radhiyallāhu ‘anhā reports that when the last ten days of Ramadān would enter, Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam would tighten his waist belt, stay awake at night and awaken his family. (Al-Bukhārī)

In this hadīth, Sayyidah ‘Ā’ishah radhiyallāhu ‘anhā has mentioned three things:

1.  Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam would tighten his waist belt, which refers to preparation for exerting himself in ‘ibādah.

2.  Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam would stay awake throughout the nights of the last ten days of Ramadān and worship Allāh ta‘ālā.

3.  Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam would awaken his family also for ‘ibādah and tahajjud so that they too can acquire the blessings of the blessed nights.

The fact that Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam would especially exert much effort in devotion during the last ten days of Ramadān, shows the virtue and significance of these last ten days. And why would Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam not exert effort during these last ten days, when they have been specified for the Night of Qadr. Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said,

Seek Laylat-ul-Qadr during the last ten days of Ramadān. (At-Tirmidhī)

The Virtues of Laylat-ul-Qadr

Laylat-ul-Qadr is a night full of blessings and goodness. ‘Ibādah carried out on Laylat-ul-Qadr is better than ‘ibadah carried out continuously for a thousand months (83 years and four months). Allāh ta‘ālā says:

Verily! We revealed it (the Qur’ān) during the Night of Qadr (from Al-Lawh Al-Mahfūz to the first heaven). Do you know what is the Night of Qadr? The Night of Qadr is much better than a thousand months. The angels and the Rūh (Sayyidunā Jibra’īl ‘alayhis salām) descend in it by the Command of their Rabb with every decision. It (this night) is full of peace. And (all of this) remains (from sunset) until the break of dawn. (97:1-5)

Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said:

During the Night of Qadr, Jibra’īl ‘alayhis salām descends with a group of angels and they make du‘ā of mercy for every servant who stands or sits remembering Allāh ta‘ālā (engaged in worship). (Al-Bayhaqī)

Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam also said:

Whoever stands in worship during the Night of Qadr with Īmān and hope of reward, all his previous sins will be forgiven. (Al-Bukhārī)

If we understood the virtues and the blessings of this great night, we too would exert great effort towards acquiring these blessings just as our pious predecessors did. It is reported regarding Qatādah rahimahullāh that he would complete the entire Qur’ān every three nights during the first twenty days of Ramadān and every night during the last ten days. In order to become deserving of the virtues of Laylat-ul-Qadr, one must exert every effort and do everything he can. One easy way of becoming deserving of the blessings of the Night of Qadr is to observe the i‘tikāf of the last ten days of Ramadān. Sayyidunā Abu Sa‘īd Al-Khudrī radhiyallāhu ‘anhu narrates that Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said,

Verily, in search of Laylat-ul-Qadr I performed i‘tikāf of the first ten days and then extended it to the next ten days for the same purpose; then I was told that this night is in the last ten days; so those who are performing i‘tikāf with me should perform the i‘tikāf of the last ten days. (Al-Bukhārī, Muslim)

The Importance and Virtue of I‘tikāf

We learn from the Sīrah of our beloved Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam that the i‘tikāf of the last ten days of Ramadān was a practice that he sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam would not miss. Sayyidah ‘Ā’ishah radhiyallāhu ‘anhā said that Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam would observe i‘tikāf in the last ten days of Ramadān until he passed away. (Al-Bukhārī, Muslim)

Sayyidunā Anas radhiyallāhu ‘anhu said that Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam observed i‘tikāf during the last ten days of Ramadān. One year he could not observe the i‘tikāf, so the following year he observed i‘tikāf for twenty days. (At-Tirmidhī)

Mentioning the virtues of i‘tikāf, Sayyidunā Ibn ‘Abbās radhiyallāhu ‘anhu says that Nabī sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said,

He (the one observing i‘tikāf) refrains from sins (as he confines himself to the boundary of the masjid) and is rewarded for all good deeds (that he cannot do due to being in i‘tikāf e.g. visiting the sick or participating in janāzah salāh) like that person who carries out good deeds. (Ibn Mājah)

The one performing i‘tikāf, through the blessing of staying within the confines of the masjid, is able to refrain from sins which he may have committed outside of the masjid. Along with this, he is able to engage in so many worships e.g. salāh, dhikr, tilāwat, du‘ā. Moreover, every moment of his is a means of reward as i‘tikāf in itself is also a worship; hence the one performing i‘tikāf gains the reward of i‘tikāf even whilst eating and sleeping.

I‘tikāf: A Fortune

The one observing i‘tikāf is extremely fortunate for he disassociates himself from everything and throws himself into the Court of His Lord and Creator. He remembers Him, praises Him, glorifies Him and sincerely seeks His Forgiveness; he cries over his past mistakes and beseeches His Creator for His Mercy and seeks nothing but His Pleasure. His days and nights are spent only in this pursuit. The author of Marāqī-Al-Falāh states that if i‘tikāf is observed with sincerity, then it is amongst the most virtuous deeds.

Our Task in Hand

So if one is able to perform i‘tikāf during the last ten days, he should most definitely do so. The ladies should also perform i‘tikāf at home. If one is not able to perform i‘tikāf for all of the last ten days, he should perform i‘tikāf for however many days he is able to. And if one is so busy that he cannot spend even one day in i‘tikāf then the least he should do is value each and every moment of the last ten days, especially the nights. He should refrain from every minor and major disobedience to Allāh ta‘ālā carry out actions which please Him to acquire Divine Pleasure.

May Allāh ta‘ālā grant us the tawfīq to value the remaining days of Ramadān, especially the last ten days. May He bless us with the virtue of Laylat-ul-Qadr. May He accept those who have intended to carry out the Sunnah i‘tikāf and may Allāh ta‘ālā make this Ramadān a turning point in our lives and enable us to live a life of obedience until we depart from this world. Āmīn.

© Riyādul Jannah (Vol. 27 No. 5/6, May/June 2018)


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Marriage

WORLD WAR III: Mother-In-Law VS Daughter-In-Law

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

“I am not perfect. Let’s both assume that the other is doing the best she can.”

Mother-In-Law-HeartWeddings are usually such happy occasions, full of love and hope for the future of the bride and groom. As wonderful as it can be, it can also mean mother-in-law problems. Something happens the moment a bride says, “I accept him.” Not only does she get a husband, but in most cases, a mother-in-law as well.

But far too many women describe this relationship as fragile, tense, and even competitive.

It’s no secret that in-laws are the subject of many marital arguments. The rivalry between wives and their mothers-in-law is a major source of tension in many marriages. You may find it interesting that many new brides get along very well with their husband’s parents at first; it isn’t until later—sometimes years later—that friction develops.

Time-after-time, daughters-in-law say things like, “My husband’s parents welcomed me into their family immediately and treated me as their own daughter.” Likewise, “My own in-laws showered me with gifts and included me in everything”. It’s not uncommon for young women to be very fond of their husband’s family, and vice versa… in the beginning.

Later on down the marriage, dealing with in-laws can be an overwhelming challenge—whether you are dealing with an overbearing mother-in-law who believes her opinions are superior to yours—or someone who tries to make you feel guilty whenever your needs conflict with hers. It may be tempting to gossip, hold silent grudges, or cut off all communication with troublesome in-laws – but that often just adds to the problem.

 

Mother-in-law problems can be one of the biggest issues in an engaged or married couple’s life. In some cases, they’re really more like out-laws. Some mother-in-laws have a way of letting everyone know their displeasure with the new family member over issues big and small – and yet seem to forget their own son or daughter can think or speak for themselves, and in most cases, should.

Why is it that the mother-in-law relationship can be so difficult? When you think about it, it really shouldn’t be. You have so many meaningful things in common: love for the same person, wanting what’s best for that person, and for them to be happy. For some though, it’s these same things that make for fast adversaries.

Some mother-in-law problems arise out of a competition for the attention of the adult child. Because they are now spending all of their time with their new spouse, there may not seem to be room enough for mum, which can be seen as not loving them as much anymore. When they visit mum, of course your spouse is going to take you with them – you’re now a package deal. Mother-in-law’s can be very resentful of having to share time and space with someone else.

Who would know what’s best for their kids better than a mother? As adults, however, we know what’s best for ourselves, not our mum. Some mothers, however, feel that they should reign supreme over our lives – even when we’re 45-years-old. It can be a hard habit for parents to break and some never feel compelled to stop parenting, even adult children. What makes that more difficult is that some of us don’t know how to let our mothers know that we are now adults who think for ourselves.

No one wants or needs their mother-in-law (or future one) telling them what’s best for their partner or worse, guilt-tripping them because of some imaginary slight or that they don’t measure up to her expectations. Big or small, whatever the issue may be, if she can’t refrain from commenting or speaking out inappropriately, it’s up to our spouse to talk to her. This can be difficult for our partners since for some it can seem unthinkable to speak out “against” their mother and be independent.

mother-in-law-problems

Advice for mother-in-laws:

  1. Pray for your daughter in law, rather than prey on her. Hope and pray that the marriage of your son will be successful. Don’t sit in the background and hope for your daughter-in-law to fail. Ask Allah to show you how to love your daughter-in-law as your own daughter.
  2. Try to be understanding more than criticising. Ask questions to understand. Don’t tell your daughter-in-law how things should be. Don’t expect your son to do what you want him to do anymore. Expect and encourage him to consult with his wife. Rather than question or criticize your daughter-in-law, speak to her and reason with her.
  3. Compliment your daughter-in-law; never complain about her. Honour your daughter-in-law in the presence of your son. Compliment your daughter-in-law; never complain. Make an effort to applaud, praise, and thank your daughter-in-law. Tell her how much you appreciate her positive influence on your son and why you think she’s a good mother. Your daughter-in-law may be different from you. Accept her for who she is. Realise that your daughter-in-law wasn’t raised the same way you raised your son and maybe doesn’t have the same standards you have. Perhaps she is from a different family or caste or race…Try to understand her mind set and the way her family operated. Do not try to change her into who you would like her to be.
  4. Act like a family, fight like a family, not an enemy. Encourage your son to build, develop, and define his marriage role. Don’t fight for position by grasping and grabbing for your son’s time and emotions.  Good mums want their kids to have good marriages. If you are a family, act like one. Families fight, they discuss their issues and that’s how they get resolved. This can be done lovingly and constructively, not destructively! It doesn’t have to be a he said/she said/you said situation. Tiptoeing around the problems and acting like they don’t exist doesn’t help anyone, it only hurts everyone in the long run. Ask your daughter-in-law to let you know if/when you offend her. Remember that Shaytan wants to destroy your relationship.
  5. Your son isn’t perfect, not before marriage and certainly not after. Remember that your son has always had faults. Your child was not perfect before she married him. You love your son, so does your daughter-in-law. Every change that you see in your son is not her doing. Every change that you see in your son is not her doing.

 

A good mother-in-law doesn’t make the wife feel like she doesn’t measure up, or give the impression that she wishes her son would have made a ‘better’ choice.  A good mother-in-law encourages, accepts, and loves unconditionally. Allow your daughter-in-law to disagree and know that it isn’t something personal.  Don’t be offended if a daughter-in-law does not share your tastes, dreams, and values. Tell her about decisions you faced as a mother of infants, toddlers, teenagers, young adults, etc. Talk about more than superficial things. Get to know her for the person Allah created her to be. Then, come alongside her to mentor, encourage, and build a relationship so that if/when you need to give loving input or direction, it is not taken as meddling. Express your gratitude towards her: “You truly are the wind beneath my son’s sails and I really appreciate and love you. You understand my son far better than I do, and I thank Allah for you.” “I’ve got the best daughter-in-law God could give. I am so blessed.” Finally, offer to take care of the grandkids so your daughter-in-law can have a day to herself.

Okay, mothers-in-law, there’s the list. What are we going to do about it?

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The second year of my son’s marriage, he and his wife had Thanksgiving with us. My daughter-in-law made a delicious sweet potato casserole. My mother and I complemented her on it and asked for the recipe. “It’s a family recipe,” my daughter-in-law said. “So I don’t give it out.”   —Anonymous mother-in-law

Whoa! I had thought that daughters-in-law were the ones with the in-law stories. Well, apparently mothers-in-law have their share of stories, too.

One mother-in-law wrote something that brought back memories. “That little boy that brought me dandelions and messy hugs,” she said, “is now a grown man with a family of his own. I need to fully release him so he is allowed to change and adapt to his wife and adult life.  I don’t want to be a parent who says or does things that grate in the mind of my daughter-in-law. She is the one who knows my son best now.”

Yes, a mom relinquishes her title of “first lady” in her son’s life on his wedding day. Perhaps that’s why some have described the relationship between a mother- and daughter-in-law as fragile or tense. Allah certainly didn’t intend it to be that way.

Advice for daughter-in-laws:

  1. She is still his mother, she gave birth to him. Even though you are the woman in her son’s life now, be considerate of the fact that she used to be the woman in his life. The most important thing that you can do for your mother-in-law is to love her son unconditionally…You’ve now taken the spot as her son’s biggest
  2. Respect her for who she is, think of her as your own mother. Don’t try to change your mother -in-law. Accept her eccentricities. Realise that she may do things differently in her home, try to understand her ways. Especially, if you live with them. Bear in mind her age, think of your elderly parents.

 

  1. Do not assume things, rather ask and clarify. If I have offended you, I may not know this. You have the freedom to say to me, nicely, ‘Remember when you said ______. Did you mean _____?’ I am not perfect. Let’s both assume that the other is doing the best she can. Don’t judge, there are two sides to any story.
  2. Remember, you are family and not foes! Ring your mother-in-law off your phone not your son’s phone. Take her out, just the two of you. Go shopping! Discover what you have in common. Keep your in-laws informed of their grandchildren, don’t deprive them.
  3. Express gratitude, not a bad attitude! Post on your Facebook page: ‘I am thankful for my mother-in-law! I am so grateful for our great relationship. It is so important! And ever since I got married our relationship has become so natural and I love spending time with her!’ Please take time to express your appreciation for a gift by writing a note or calling just to say, ‘Thanks!’ If she or any of your in-laws visit you welcome them in with a smile, prepare something special for them. Show your happiness, don’t block yourself from them.

Some mothers- and daughters-in-law form close friendships very quickly. For others, this may take years. But most mothers- and daughters-in-law do want to connect with each other. They want to find common ground. They want to know each other as individual women with feelings, beliefs, and ideas. Do not fight your mother-in-law over your husband and same to the mother-in-law over your son. If the daughter-in-law cooks something or buys something for her husband, please do not compete with her for praises.

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Categories
Current Affairs articles

SOCIAL MEDIA & PATIENCE

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SOCIAL MEDIA & PATIENCE Mobile phone? ~~~~~~

Engineering Patience  … In An Age of Instant Gratification


I remember reading a book, and the kids in there were arguing over who got to sit near the window. 


I was confused. Why would they want to sit next to the window? 


I was accustomed to wanting to sit in the middle because that was directly in front of the vents blasting cold air from the AC. 


This was especially important if the car had been parked outside and had become an oven when you went to sit inside.


My dad used to do something that would drive me crazy. 


He would start the car and not turn on the AC. He would let the fan run, and tell us we could roll down the windows (which doesn’t do much when its 95 degrees Fahrenheit). 


I would plead with him to turn on the AC on max, and he would just sit there and tell me to relax. 


Once, with the creativity only a kid could muster, I told him “Allah blessed us with AC, so turn it on.” 


He explained that he was trying to teach us to relax, and to be patient.


This is how parents are. They see the ease with which we enjoy the world, and we lose sight of hardships others went through. 


In many places in the world, especially 20 years ago, air conditioning in a car was a major luxury item instead of a standard part of life.


Now when someone complains about a YouTube video buffering too slow (or not fast enough for HD), I feel like yelling at them to try using a 28.8kbps dial-up connection – the kind I had to grow up with.


In fact, a study of the viewing habits of 6.7 million people showed that people abandoned watching a video if it buffered for longer than two seconds. TWO SECONDS !!


Social media has made everything quicker. 


What used to be a 24 hour news cycle is now barely 30 minutes. 


The half-life of a tweet is less than 3 hours. 


With this quickening of pace, our expectations have changed as well. 


If someone doesn’t reply to an email within a few hours we get upset. 


If they don’t respond to a text message within an hour, we get impatient. 


There is a manufactured hurry to each of these interactions.


Patience and gratitude go hand in hand. 


Patience, as we famously know from the hadith, is at the moment calamity strikes. 


To have patience in that moment requires a gratitude mindset. 


It comes down to being cognizant and intentional about each situation – Am I exercising patience


Am I being grateful to Allah?


One way to reclaim this is to engineer moments of patience in our lives.


Sit at a red light without touching your phone. It’s only 30 seconds, but we are at the point now where the mere thought of that is agonizing for some. 


Sit down with your kids and just be bored for a little while. Reflect on what is around you and enjoy the quiet moments.


The fast pace of technology is now the norm. 


That’s not necessarily a bad thing. But it does mean that sometimes we just need to sit in the car for a few minutes before turning on the AC – to give ourselves a small reminder and lesson.


FiqhOfSocial.Media – A Faith Based Guide to Navigating the Social Media Lifestyle


http://fiqhofsocial.media/

Categories
Ruqya

What is the definition of the evil eye?

http://islamqa.info/en/20954#

What is the definition of the evil eye?

Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And from the evil of the envier when he envies.” [113:5]

Is the hadeeth (narration) of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) saheeh (authentic) in which it says that “One third of those who are in the grave are there because of the evil eye”? If a person thinks that someone is envying him, what should the Muslim do and say? If the person who put the evil eye on someone washes himself, will the water he used bring healing to his victim? And should he drink the water or wash himself with it?

They replied:

The Arabic word al-‘ayn (translated as the evil eye) refers to when a person harms another with his eye. It starts when the person likes a thing, then his evil feelings affect it, by means of his repeated looking at the object of his jealousy. Allah commanded His prophet, Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), to seek refuge with Him from the envier, as He said (interpretation of the meaning):

“And from the evil of the envier when he envies.” [113:5]

Everyone who puts the evil eye on another is envious, but not every envier puts the evil eye on another. The word haasid (envier) is more general in meaning than the word ‘ain (one who puts the evil eye on another), so seeking refuge with Allah from the one who envies includes seeking refuge with Him from the one who puts the evil eye on another. The evil eye is like an arrow that comes from the soul of the one who envies and the one who puts the evil eye on another towards the one who is envied and on whom the evil eye is put; sometimes it hits him and sometimes it misses. If the target is exposed and unprotected, it will affect him, but if the target is cautious and armed, the arrow will have no effect and may even come back on the one who launched it. Adapted from Zaad al-Ma’aad.

There are ahadeeth (reports) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) which speak of the effects of the evil eye. For example, it is narrated in al-Saheehayn that ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to tell me to recite ruqyah (incantation) for protection against the evil eye.

Muslim, Ahmad and al-Tirmidhi narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The evil eye is real and if anything were to overtake the divine decree, it would be the evil eye. When you are asked to take a bath (to provide a cure) from the influence of the evil eye, you should take a bath.”

Imam Ahmad and al-Tirmidhi  narrated that Asma bint ‘Umays said: “O Messenger of Allah, the children of J’afar have been afflicted by the evil eye, shall we recite ruqyah for them?” He said, “Yes, for if anything were to overtake the divine decree it would be the evil eye.”

Abu Dawud narrated that ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said: The person who had put the evil eye on another would be ordered to do wudu, then the person who had been afflicted would wash himself (with that water).

Imam Ahmad, Malik, al-Nasai and Ibn Hibban narrated from Sahl ibn Haneef that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) came out and travelled with him towards Makkah, until they were in the mountain pass of al-Kharar in al-Jahfah. There Sahl ibn Haneef did ghusl (bathed), and he was a handsome white-skinned man with beautiful skin. ‘Amir ibn Rabee’ah, one of Banu ‘Adiyy ibn K’ab looked at him whilst he was doing ghusl and said: “I have never seen such beautiful skin as this, not even the skin of a virgin,” and Sahl fell to the ground. They went to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allah, can you do anything for Sahl, because by Allah he cannot raise his head.” He said, “Do you accuse anyone with regard to him?” They said, “‘Amir ibn Rabee’ah looked at him.” So the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) called ‘Amir and rebuked him strongly. He said, “Why would one of you kill his brother? If you see something that you like, then pray for blessing for him.” Then he said to him, “Wash yourself for him.” So he washed his face, hands, forearms, knees and the sides of his feet, and inside his izaar (lower garment) in the vessel. Then that water was poured over him, and a man poured it over his head and back from behind. He did that to him, then Sahl got up and joined the people and there was nothing wrong with him.  Classed as saheeh (authentic).

The majority of scholars are of the view that people can indeed be afflicted by the evil eye, because of the ahadeeth (reports) quoted above and others, and because of the corroborating reports and other evidence.

With regard to the hadeeth that you mention, “One-third of those who are in the grave are there because of the evil eye,” we do not know how sound it is, but the author of Nayl al-Awtar said that al-Bazzar narrated with a hasan isnad (sound chain of narrators) from Jabir (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Most of those who die among my ummah (followers) die because of the will and decree of Allah, and then because of the evil eye.”

The Muslim has to protect himself against the devils among the evil jinn and mankind, by having strong faith in Allah and by putting his trust in Him and seeking refuge with Him and beseeching Him, reciting the prayers for protection narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), reciting al-Mu’awwadhatayn [the last two surahs of the Quran], Surat al-Ikhlas, Surat al-Fatihah, and ayat al-Kursi.

Du’as for protection include the following:

A’oodhu bi kalimat-illah il-tammati min sharri ma khalaqa (I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allah from the evil of that which He has created).

A’oodhu bi kalimat-illah il-tammati min ghadabihi wa ‘iqabihi, wa min sharri ‘ibadihi wa min hamazat al-shayateeni wa an yahduroon (I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allah from His wrath and punishment, from the evil of His slaves and from the evil promptings of the devils and from their presence).

And one may recite the words of Allah:

“Hasbi Allahu la ilaha illa huwa, ‘alayhi tawakkaltu wa huwa Rabb ul-‘arsh il-‘azeem

(Allaah is sufficient for me. La ilaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He) in Him I put my trust and He is the Lord of the Mighty Throne).”
[9:129 – interpretation of the meaning]

And there are other similar du’as that are prescribed in sharee’ah (Islamic law). This is what was meant by Imam ibn al-Qayyim RH in the words quoted at the beginning of this answer.

If it is known or suspected that a person has been afflicted by the evil eye, then the one who put the evil eye on him should be ordered to wash himself for his brother. So a vessel of water should be brought, and he should put his hand in it and rinse out his mouth into the vessel. Then he should wash his face in the vessel, then put his left hand into the vessel and wash his right knee, then put his right hand in the vessel and wash his left knee. Then he should wash inside his garment. Then the water should be poured over the head of the one on whom he put the evil eye, pouring it from behind in one go. Then he will be healed, by Allah’s leave.

Fatawa al-Lajnah al-Daimah li’l-Buhooth al-‘Ilmiyyah wa’l-Ifta.

Shaykh Muhammad ibn al-Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen was asked:

Can the evil eye afflict a person? How is it treated? Does being on one’s guard against it contradict putting one’s trust in Allah?

He replied:

Our opinion concerning the evil eye is that it is real and is proven both by Islamic teachings and by real-life experiences. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And verily, those who disbelieve would almost make you slip with their eyes (through hatred).” [68:51]

Ibn ‘Abbas (Allah be pleased with him) and others said, commenting on this verse: this means, they put the evil eye on you with their glances. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The evil eye is real and if anything were to overtake the divine decree, it would be the evil eye. When you are asked to take a bath (to provide a cure) from the influence of the evil eye, you should take a bath.” (Muslim). Al-Nasai and Ibn Majah narrated that ‘Amir ibn Rabee’ah passed by Sahl ibn Haneef when he was bathing … and he quoted the hadeeth.

Reality confirms this and it cannot be denied. In the event that you are afflicted by the evil eye, you should use the treatments recommended in sharee’ah, which are:

1 – Reciting ruqyah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “There is no ruqyah except in the case of the evil eye or fever.” al-Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood. Jibril (peace be upon him) used to do ruqyah for the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and say, “Bismillahi arqeeka min kulli shayin yudheeka, min sharri kulli nafsin aw ‘aynin hasid Allaahu yashfeek, bismillahi arqeek (In the name of Allah I perform ruqyah for you, from everything that is harming you, from the evil of every soul or envious eye may Allah heal you, in the name of Allah I perform ruqyah for you).”

2 – Asking the person who has put the evil eye on another to wash, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) commanded ‘Amir ibn Rabee’ah to do in the hadeeth quoted above. Then the water should be poured over the one who has been afflicted.

With regard to taking his waste, such as his urine and stool, there is no basis for doing so; the same applies to taking any of his belongings. Rather what is narrated is that which is mentioned above, washing his limbs and washing inside his garment, or likewise washing inside his headgear and garments. And Allah knows best.

There is nothing wrong with taking precautions against the evil eye before it happens, and this does not contradict the idea of tawakkul (putting one’s trust in Allah). In fact this is tawakkul, because tawakkul means putting one’s trust in Allah whilst also implementing the means that have been permitted or enjoined. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to seek refuge for al-Hasan and al-Husayn and say: U’eedhukuma bi kalimat Allah al-tammati min kulli shaytanin wa hammah wa min kulli ‘aynin lammah (I seek refuge for you both in the perfect words of Allah, from every devil and every poisonous reptile, and from every evil eye).’”  Al-Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood. And he would say, “Thus Ibrahim (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to seek refuge with Allah for Ishaq and Ismail, peace be upon them both.” [al-Bukhari].

Fatawa al-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen RH.

And Allah knows best.

Categories
Miscellaneous

How life in a caravan set us free

Kerry and Ella on the Ayrshire Coastal Path

Courtesy of: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-32974131

Tim Meek and his family decided they had had enough of their “ordinary” life, so they sold their house and went to live in a caravan.

My family and I wake up in a touring caravan. After packing away the temporary bed – and converting the bedroom space into the dining room – we eat breakfast together and share faded memories of last night’s dreams and excitedly discuss the activities of the day ahead.

It’s the excitement that comes with being away from home, and living a bit differently.

But unlike most “normal” people, we do this every morning. It’s our norm. Today was just like any other day, really, because our caravan is currently our home. It has been this way ever since we set out from Nottingham last summer.

We’re not on holiday, as such, but we are currently having the time of our lives.

On paper, and when measured in terms of how much disposable income we have though, it appears that we aren’t very well off. Or successful.

My wife Kerry and I and our daughters Amy, 11, and Ella, nine, are not living in poverty or anything – caravans are very comfortable these days – but compared with a lot of other people we know and people we meet, we are not very prosperous.

Kerry and I don’t have well-paid jobs. In fact, at this moment in time, we don’t have jobs, as such. We are self-employed – or as we like to call it, self-empowered.

We don’t have a big house. We don’t actually even have a house – we currently live in a modest four-berth Elddis Xplore caravan affectionately named Ellie by the girls. So, applying the normal measures of success in the Western world to our current circumstances, it turns out that we certainly are not keeping up with the Joneses.

The Caravan Handover
Image caption Tim, Amy, Kerry and Ella

But we are not bitter, nor disappointed. And we are certainly not seeking sympathy. You see, our predicament is completely self-inflicted. We have brought it upon ourselves deliberately.

In fact, we currently enjoy a richness that we could never have imagined.

How come?

Well, we believe that the real measure of modern success is nothing to do with your bank balance or the size of your house, but instead, the amount of free time you have at your disposal. We think disposable time, as a resource to strive for and spend, counts for much more than disposable income.

You see, time is much more valuable than anything else, be it natural resources such as gold or diamonds, or a man-made commodity such as money. Time is the currency of life itself.

Time is also a great leveller that, unlike other commodities, brings a certain equality. Because regardless of who you are, time and tide stand still for no man, woman, or child.

No matter how pseudo-important someone is in terms of their career or place in society, no matter what their salary or how much wealth they have accumulated, everyone ultimately has only a limited amount of time to cash in at the Bank of Life, a finite budget to use. Or abuse, waste or fritter away. Or to spend wisely and with meaning and value, with which to make a difference or to do something amazing.

And to us, at this stage in our lives with two young children to raise through their formative years, what matters more than anything – more than working to buy a big house or fancy car – is spending time together as a family.

A few years ago we were a textbook 21st Century nuclear family. We had a pretty average three-bedroom house on a modern housing estate. The girls were happy in the local primary school around the corner from where we lived. We had jobs.

Kerry and I both taught in Nottingham. I worked in a school specialising in Autistic Spectrum Disorder and Kerry was a well-established year-six teacher at the same school that the girls attended. We had enough income to live comfortably, security of employment and a pretty reliable pension fund to pay into.

Of course, sadly, the trade-off for these comforts was that we also had the ongoing monotony of working too many hours, with not having enough sleep, and with not having enough time to spend with Amy and Ella doing the things that we know are so important for parents to do with their children: reading with them, playing with them, or just having enough uncluttered quality family time.

And to cap it all, I saw Kerry on what seemed like a daily basis being psychologically and emotionally crushed under a growing pile of marking, pupil target matrices and pointless Excel spreadsheets that were being filled in because the data might one day make an Ofsted inspector happy.

I saw one of the most naturally gifted and enthusiastic teachers become utterly disillusioned with the job that teaching has become, to the extent that it was making her unhappy and unhealthy.

The result was that we felt like we were living for the weekends when we would get a temporary respite – breathing space – and the opportunity to make up the losses of the week before and attempt to repay the work/life deficit with which we were burdened.

The weekends gave us an opportunity to invest a repayment of time back into family life, in preparation for next week’s withdrawal. We would head off together into local woods, climb hills, go on long walks and often sleep out under the stars in our bivvy bags. Midweek we would look to squeeze in an extra opportunity for a mini-adventure and take a stove, a pan and some healthy ingredients and find somewhere exciting to eat “out” as a family. And I mean eat out – in the outdoors.

Eating Tacos by the sea
Image caption Eating ‘out’ – the Meek family enjoy tacos by the sea

Reassuringly for us, this was how many of our friends and colleagues were also living. Living for the weekends, I mean. It was normal. It is normal.

You see, as a culture, it seems we are almost accepting of this way of life. It’s a way of life that often seems to prioritise work and money above time spent together as a family or with friends, despite knowing that, according to Benjamin Franklin, “lost time is never found again”.

Too often the hours spent working, or in meetings, or away on business, or not having time to read the bedtime story – again – are justified by the designer trophies and possessions we collect in an attempt to compensate for the “work-time overdrafts” we have run up. Or by convincing ourselves that this is how it has to be, and that there are no other options available.

In our hearts and souls, it didn’t feel right, well not for us anyway. We kept asking ourselves – was this really what life was all about? The answer: “Surely not – it can’t be!”

Maybe it’s a sign of getting older or it’s just what happens when you become a parent. I don’t know, but somewhere along the way it dawns on you that the commodity that is time seemingly becomes much more valuable with every day, month, year that ticks away.

Free, available and unaccounted-for “disposable” time seemingly becomes rarer and rarer and more elusive and therefore highly desirable. And all of the cliches about having children take on an unnerving realness. “They grow so quickly”, “before you know it they are gone”, “don’t blink or you’ll miss them”.

Kerry and I re-evaluated our priorities and began thinking about how we could claw back precious family time from the grasp of modern living – to address the time deficit in our work/life balance.

We knew there was no World Bank or Royal Minute to pump more time into the system – no quantitative easing nor hand-outs available. We knew that we would have to take our own measures.

We felt we couldn’t afford to wait until we were pensioners before getting our hands on more disposable time – that was not an attractive option. I mean that Amy and Ella would have grown up and have left the roost by then and our bodies and minds would be less able to do the things we wanted to do.

It made much more sense to us to have time to enjoy while Kerry and I were young(ish) and we were all together as a family. We needed something more immediate. So, we began looking at how we could achieve a new lifestyle, no matter how temporary, that afforded us a lump sum of uncluttered free time to enjoy.

Girls canoeing
Image caption Kerry and Ella Meek kayaking

Late one night during one of our post-work, pre-sleep, bleary-eyed chats we were thinking about how we could give our family life the seismic jolt we felt it needed to put a significant positive change in motion, when the solution became apparent. As the bedroom light went off, the light bulb switched on. And the solution was simple – literally simple. The answer was to lead a simpler, less complicated life; a life of having less but doing more.

It would lead to us becoming a bit like modern versions of Barbara and Tom from the 1970s series The Good Life, and perhaps coming across, like they did, as slightly unusual and different to others – definitely not the norm.

We called our solution The Go > Do Life. It was a solution that would liberate us by freeing valuable time to enable us to go to places and do more of what we enjoyed.

You see we love the outdoors and spending time walking, climbing, cycling, scootering, camping, exploring, discovering, learning – living. From a young age, Amy and Ella have been encouraged to enjoy and respect the outdoor world and, thankfully, this means they are now perfectly at ease with the idea of spending all day hiking or all night bivvy bagging under the night sky marvelling at the Milky Way or wishing upon shooting stars.

They get enjoyment from doing simple outdoor activities, things that are actually low in financial cost but rich in rewards and, importantly, they seem to be quite content growing up with a close connection to nature.

And it is worth mentioning that this is against a global backdrop of evidence that suggests that the current generation of children – Amy and Ella’s generation – are growing up spending more and more time plugged into games consoles or social media, and less time playing outside.

Sadly, many children are becoming nature-deficient – apparently disconnected from nature, not valuing nature, not enjoying the natural world and sadly missing out on the associated benefits that spending time in the outdoors brings.

As a consequence, there has never been a more appropriate time to tell our kids: “You really need to get out more!” And, as parents, it is our duty to actively encourage (or at times even coerce) our children to do so – for their own wellbeing.

So, wanting to reap the rewards of time-rich opulence, in the summer of 2014 Kerry and I carried out a life changing plan. We quit our jobs, sold our house and took our children out of school to travel around the UK for a year looking for rich educational experiences and exciting opportunities for family adventure. We nicknamed it our Year of Ed-Venture.

A year free from the shackles of modern living; free to roam wherever we chose, at our own pace, able to enjoy every moment. No longer living for the weekends and wishing life away. Happier, less stressed and healthier.

Nine months in, and while we still don’t know if we are doing the right thing, it certainly feels right in lots of ways. We are very happy, active and healthy – and we are very appreciative of the time we are having together.

Of course, it doesn’t fit with the societal norm and not everybody could nor should do what we are doing, but sometimes you just have to go with your gut instinct, do what feels right – or at least give it a try – even if it means challenging the status quo and potentially sticking your neck out.

In some ways and on some days our journey is full of uncertainty and risk – particularly in financial terms. We don’t know what the future will bring us – but then no-one does really. You see, there are no guarantees in life, except for one thing – that one day time will eventually run out.

And, I believe it’s at this time in our lives, when we breathe no more, that our success or failure will ultimately be judged; not in terms of what we have acquired in life, but how wisely we have spent the most valuable resource we have at our disposal – time.

This is an edited transcript of Tim Meek’s Four Thought.