By Shaykhul-Hadīth, Hadrat Mawlānā Muhammad Saleem Dhorat dāmat barakātuhum
Recently, I was approached by a concerned brother who had been facing some difficult times with regards to his provision and sustenance. This is something that many of us face at some time in our lives. Naturally, when we are in this situation, we begin to panic and look for ways out. Some bear the situation remaining within the laws of Sharī’ah and with patience make it through, whilst others fail in this test from Allāh ta’ālā and take to prohibited means to try to solve their problems.
So, when the brother asked the question, I pondered for a while and the following advice, all based on the Qur’ān and hadīth, came to mind:
1. At such difficult times it is paramount to adopt taqwā, which is to stay away from each and every sin. Remember, what is thought of to be a tough financial situation will differ from person to person, but in these circumstances, it is necessary that we stay compliant with the Commands of Allāh ta’ālā. Both the dos and don’ts commanded by Allāh ta’ālā have to be adopted. Salāh, Sawm, Zakāh, Hajj, and all farā’id must be performed. Similarly, we must refrain from all sinful activities. In return for this adoption of taqwā, Allāh ta’ālā has promised that He will see to our needs:
Whoever adopts taqwā, Allāh brings forth a way out for him and provides him (with what he needs) from where he does not even imagine. And whoever places his trust in Allāh, He is sufficient for him. Surely Allāh is to accomplish His purpose. (65:2)
If the people of the towns believed and adopted taqwā, We would have opened for them blessings from the heavens and the earth, but they disbelieved. So, We seized them because of what they used to earn for themselves. (7:96)
2. A second point to keep in mind is to make istighfār (seek forgiveness) abundantly. A person should look towards his own misdeeds and take them to be the reason for finding himself in the predicament he is in. He should turn to Allāh ta’ālā and repent. Sometimes, such circumstances are caused by Allāh ta’ālā in order to make His servant turn towards Him. Such is the Mercy of Allāh ta’ālā!
Pray to your Lord for your forgiveness. Indeed, He is Very-Forgiving; and He will cause the heavens to rain upon you in abundance, and will help you with riches and children, and will cause gardens to grow for you, and cause rivers to flow for you. (71:10-12)
O my people, seek forgiveness from your Lord, then turn to Him in repentance, and He will release the heavens pouring upon you, and will add strength to your strength, and do not turn away like sinners. (11:52)
The Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam has said:
He who holds firm to seeking forgiveness, Allāh will make an exit for him from every tight situation, will grant him relief from every trouble and will provide for him from where he does not even imagine. (Abū Dāwūd, Ibn Mājah, Ahmad)
3. Another point is to ensure that we keep our transactions free from sin. For this, we must consult the ‘Ulamā, learn from them in regards to what is halāl and what is harām and act accordingly. Any transaction which is contrary to the teachings of Allāh ta’ālā and His Messenger sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam will be devoid of barakah (blessings); therefore, no matter how great the profit or benefit seems, it will soon disappear. The Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said:
The seller and the buyer have the right to keep or return the goods until they part. And if both parties spoke the truth and described the goods accurately, then they would be blessed in their transaction, and if they told lies or hid something, then the blessings of their transaction would be lost. (Al-Bukhārī)
Similarly, the Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam also says:
Taking (false) oaths improve the sales, but it eradicates the blessings. (Al-Bukhārī)
4. Nowadays, many people look for wazā’if (the recitation of certain verse(s), name(s) of Allāh ta’ālā etc. a certain number of times to fulfil a particular need) to solve their problems. Whereas, within the boundaries of Sharī’ah, this is permissible, there can be no better solutions than those shown by the Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam regarding whom Allāh ta’ālā says:
He does not speak out of (his own) desire. It is but revelation revealed (to him). (53:3-4)
• In a hadīth the Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam mentions that whoever recites the following 100 times between subh sādiq and Fajr salāh, wealth shall come to him unwillingly and humbled. (Ihyā)
سُبْحٰنَ اللهِ وَبِحَمْدِهٖ سُبْحٰنَ اللهِ الْعَظِيْمِ، أَسْتَغْفِرُ اللهَ
Pure is Allāh and for Him is praise. Pure is Allāh, the Great. I seek forgiveness from Allāh.
• In another hadīth, the Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam passed by a person who was dishevelled and worried, at which the Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam told him to recite the following words through which his worry and poverty would go away. The words were:
تَوَكَّلْتُ عَلَى الْحَيِّ الَّذِيْ لَايَمُوْتُ ، وَالْحَمْدُ لِلّٰهِ الَّذِيْ لَمْ يَتَّخِذْ وَلَداً ،
وَّلَمْ يَكُنْ لَّهٗ شَرِيْكٌ فِي الْمُلْكِ ، وَلَمْ يَكُنْ لَّهٗ وَلِيٌّ مِّنَ الذُّلِّ وَكَبِّرْهُ تَكْبِيْراً
I place my trust in the Ever Living who is not to die, Praise belongs to Allāh who has neither had a son, nor is there any partner to Him in His kingdom, nor is anyone (needed) to protect Him from (any) weakness. And proclaim His greatness, an open proclamation. (Abū Ya’lā, Ibnus-Sunnī)
5. Read Sūrah Al-Wāqi’ah every night:
Sayyidunā ‘Uthmān radhiyallāhu ‘anhu visited Sayyidunā ‘Abdullāh ibn Mas’ūd radhiyallāhu ‘anhu during the last stages of the latter’s life. Sayyidunā ‘Uthmān radhiyallāhu ‘anhu asked him, “What is your illness?” Sayyidunā ‘Abdullāh ibn Mas’ūd radhiyallāhu ‘anhu replied, “My sins.” He then asked him, “Is there anything you desire?” Sayyidunā ‘Abdullāh ibn Mas’ūd radhiyallāhu ‘anhu replied, “The Mercy of my Rabb.” Sayyidunā ‘Uthmān radhiyallāhu ‘anhu then asked if he would like him to re-issue the allowance that was allocated for him during his life that he had refused. When he declined, Sayyidunā ‘Uthmān radhiyallāhu ‘anhu said, “Let it be for your daughters for after your death.” Upon this, Sayyidunā ‘Abdullāh ibn Mas’ūd radhiyallāhu ‘anhu asked, “Do you fear poverty upon my daughters after my death? I have instructed them to recite Sūrah Al-Wāqi’ah every night; for I have heard the Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam say, ‘Whoever recites Sūrah Al-Wāqi’ah every night shall never be afflicted with poverty.'” (Al-Qurtubī)
6. Imām At-Tabarānī rahimahullāh has quoted a hadīth in which the Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam has said:
Washing hands, before and after food, safeguards against poverty.
7. We should constantly make du’ā to Allāh ta’ālā, for in du’ā lies the solution to all our problems. The Prophet sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam has said:
Indeed, du’ā is of benefit for those things that have descended and (also) for those things that have not yet descended. O servants of Allāh, hold fast to du’ā. (At-Tirmidhī)
One important point to ponder here is that to be afflicted with financial difficulties is not an everlasting problem, for tomorrow we may be relieved; either our problem may ease or we may not live for long. Why then do we have so much concern for this temporary issue? If a solution is guaranteed, we will be prepared to do anything. On the other hand, the life hereafter is inevitable and definite, but we do not have the same concern. How surprising it is that for something inevitable, we have no concern, yet that which is uncertain occupies our hearts and minds all the time. Surely, we have set our priorities incorrectly!
Helping, caring and hospitality were some of the great characteristics of our Prophet SAW and the Sahaba RA. Merely having the opportunity to help our Muslim brothers and sisters is something we should be extremely grateful for. It is the poor and needy people who have given the likes of me and you the opportunity to fulfill one of the pillars of Islam and at the same time, the chance to bring the sunnahs of our Nabi SAW into our lives. Likewise, going out for the purpose of aid work gives one the opportunity to express deep gratitude for everything Allah SWT has blessed us with.
Going out to Bangladesh and the Rohingya camps had always been my desire. After following the Rohingya situation so closely back in 2017, and also hearing about the plight of our Rohingyan Muslims first hand few years prior to that created a deep pain in my heart. Since then, I constantly felt a tug inside to go out there, see the situation firsthand, and truly try to envision the suffering these people have been through and are still going through. These are our Muslim brothers and sisters; not only do we have this mighty connection with them but also the fact that they too are South Asians so are culturally very similar to us and would have lived a life very similar to our families back home.
*Cox’s Bazar – Rohingyan Camps*
The plight and situation of our Rohingyan Muslims in the camps is something very hard to describe. The whole area is a world of its own, a whole world away from ours. There’s throngs and throngs of people everywhere you look, homes, if you can call them homes, so close to each other in proximity that you can actually feel the body heat emanating from the home next door – this camp is one of the most crowded and compact places in the world. No home in the camp is made out of bricks or concrete and no home is bigger than two rooms. No home has its own toilet facilities and no home has a direct water supply. Most homes have more than six people in there so you can imagine the intense heat during the hot and humid summer nights. The heat inside the homes felt more than the heat outside and it was only 30 degrees when we went. We have to remember that this place was a jungle before, it’s all a hilly area with every house on a hill – once off the main street you are walking through narrow alleyways and small bamboo bridges.
The attitude of the people was all about gratitude, happy to be in a safe place, and trying to live life the best they can whilst trying to get as much support from charities as they can. Local people describe the Rohingyans as hard-working people and from what we saw, over the last few years they have helped build some kind of infrastructure to make the place a bit more livable.
As the midday heat made us sweat and swelter despite being in the shade, our Rohingyan brothers and sisters waited in the heat to pick up their food parcel, a parcel worth so little to us but so much to them. As 1000s gathered, the parcels started to diminish faster and faster and the atmosphere started to become more intense and of desperation; unfortunately, due to our safety the local Bangladeshi people told us to move onto our next project. We moved but the desperation is still there and the plight is dire.
As the day went by and we moved from camp to camp and project to project, we saw the different needs of the people, people who have now been here for over 5 years. Education and particularly an Islamic education is a desperate requirement. Why is this required and why now? There are hundreds of non-Muslim charities working in these camps, they are infiltrating their ideas and ideologies into the minds of these vulnerable people and especially children. A lot of children have not seen anything better; they notice that they are being delivered their education from non-Muslims, food, shelter and medical services all from non-Muslims. It starts off with a cross on a plastic bag and a ‘Hi!’ instead of ‘Assalamu Alaykum and the chasm between them and Islam slowly gets bigger and bigger. Locals have mentioned that when the Rohingyans first came all the children used to say Assalamu alaykum to one another really loudly but now that’s a distant memory with most of them saying ‘Hi’ and ‘Hello’. It seems innocent and minute on the surface but there is a deeper and more sinister agenda behind it. They are adapting to the ways of the people who are looking after them.
The Rohingyans have the same requirements as us: the need for medical services, the need for proper doctor’s surgeries, hospitals and equipment. At one of the medical surgeries where the main basic services were provided, the Doctor mentioned that a lot of these people require mental health services due to the severe trauma they have been through. We tend to focus on physical health and the need to provide for that but the desperation for mental health support is equally important.
As the day went on we saw that many charities around the world are doing some fantastic work, showing care and love to the people and the local Al-Imdaad team on the ground was exceptional in providing everything from A-Z so that all the different projects can be delivered on time and in the right manner. They worked with constant smiles on their faces, and with an unmatchable dedication and commitment. At a number of different stages they wanted to show us every single house that was donated, but unfortunately due to the heat, location of the houses, and time constraints this was not possible. A lot of the team have now moved into the camp area to be closer to the people and their work. May Allah SWT accept all their efforts. Ameen.
*Bashan Char Island*
Our trip to see our Muslim brothers and sisters continued the next day to Bashan Char island, an island 4 hours from the mainland and an island that only came into existence in the last 20 years due to silt deposits. This is an island that most human rights and environmental groups have said is not safe to live on. Despite this, the Bangladesh government’s desire to move the Rohingyans to this island was a firm one and in 2020 people started to get shipped to this island. Upon first viewing, we noticed that the island is well constructed, the roads, the homes, primary healthcare centres, a small hospital, and plenty of open space. I would go as far as to say the conditions are a million times better than the camps. Millions and millions of pounds have been spent on the island and it makes you question…why? Is it for the goodness and wellness of the Rohingyans or is it to get rid of the Rohingyans? Everything was really well organised, the place looks aesthetically symmetrical and everything has been well thought through…the cynic in me thinks a bit too well thought through at times. Each house was bricked on the outside, but on the inside bricked only three-quarters of the way up with the top quarter covered in barbed wired, which made the room look like an animal pen. Not only this, but everything can be heard by the neighbours on each of the sides resulting in zero privacy. I can’t tell you if this was done deliberately or just to save on cost, but i can say it will have a psychological impact on the people – it’s about making them feel inferior.
What is the catch to this island and what are the steps going forward? The island allows the government to have 100% control over the Rohingyans and the catch is it is impossible for them to leave the island. Even we had to travel via a navy ship to the island. Going forward and after speaking to the Rohingyans there, the number one desire is to earn a living for themselves, they don’t want to be dependent on the government and aid. However, this is only possible if Bangladesh allows it. Interestingly, we were told they are looking into this.
The Rohingyans still have a longing and hope to go back to Myanmar one day but for now, this is home and this is where they want to make a living.
This trip has been full of eye-openers, from the camps to the island, we saw our Muslim brothers and sisters suffering 5 years on after being driven out of their homeland. No person should have to live in them conditions, no person should have to survive and be controlled by others, and no person should be desperate for basic necessities in life.
The most important thing we can do is make dua for these people, that Allah SWT makes it easy for them and makes it safe for them to return to their home country. Remember, these are our Muslim brothers and sisters who have suffered so much and are still suffering today. I’d like to conclude with a hadith of the Prophet SAW: “A Muslim is the brother of a Muslim who does not oppress him nor hand him over, and whosoever is after the need of his brother, Allah will be after his need, and whosoever relieves a Muslim from the plight of distress, Allah relieves him from one of the plights of distress of The Day of Resurrection, and who enshrouds a Muslim, Allah will cover him on The Day of Judgement.”
I pray Allah makes us from those who are able to relieve the plight of others. Ameen.
Written by Anonymous
Sisters, your role in society is like the role of the archers in the battle of Uhud.
They were not at the forefront or in the thick of the action,
BUT they held the most important position. They guarded the army. If they moved, the whole army would be uncovered and defeated.
In the same way, if you leave your most important position, you leave the army-the Ummah uncovered.
You are the silent heroes,
You are the foundational structure of great generations,
You are the mothers who look after the family,
You are the first of the teachers of this Ummah,
You are the ones who teach the Muslim men courage, truthfulness, kindness, perseverance, and patience.
You are the carers of the men of this Ummah.
The success of this Ummah lies upon your shoulders. ﷲ͜عَزَّوَجَــــل states that a woman’s primary abode is her home. This does not mean she plays no role in society. She is like the engine of a car hidden in the bonnet. Everything in the car is meaningless without the engine.
The engine being concealed does not mean it is insignificant. In fact, being concealed reveals its real value.
A woman is like a live wire tucked away.
If it is exposed it will shock people. It is concealed yet provides the current for electricity.
A woman is like the battery in a mobile phone.
All the features of the mobile phone mean nothing if the battery is not there. It is concealed but provides the main function. Being concealed and doing what ﷲ͜عَزَّوَجَــــل wants you to do reveals the real value of women.
1 Muharram 1444
Every Eid same drama, same “unity” palaver. But hang on unity is from the Sunnah? The Quran endorses unity! The Qur’an and Sunnah teaches us a lot of things… tazkiyah and purity of the heart being number 1.
What is the point of one Eid when the hearts aren’t one? The hearts aren’t united?
What is the point of one Eid when we pray Salah shoulder to shoulder but the Ummah isn’t one?
What is the point of one Eid when our marriages aren’t unified? Surtis don’t marry bharuchis and Indians don’t marry Pakistanis?
What is the point of one Eid when your masjids don’t allow all Muslims to be members? When your Islamic schools give preference to the four holy Masjids because they are ‘from the ghom’?
Can someone tell me what really is the point? I don’t understand.
Have one Eid or a dozen Eids, but this Ummah will always be fragile until we learn to live like brothers.
Allah purify our hearts from jealousy and malice and unite this Ummah on the best day of the year. Ameen.
Ismail ibn Nazir Satia (one who is in dire need of Allah’s mercy, forgiveness and pleasure)
1 Shawaal 1443
How many times have you heard within your family, something along the lines of ‘he’s really good looking and fair’ or ‘she’s so fair’ with their eyes lit up? How many times have you heard something like ‘it’s all good but he’s quite dark’ with a tinge of sympathy or ‘I hate getting tanned!’ In a tone that’s a little bit uncomfortable? This is colourism. Colourism is a form of heavy discrimination within the same race, it’s internal, it’s a ‘within your own people’ problem… and boy, don’t we all know about it. I still struggle to believe that in 2022, it is STILL an issue, still, a thing that’s got to be spoken about and still an innate disease stirring in and amongst us.
When the British ruled India, discrimination based on skin colour was most visible. The white British foreigners were symbols of power, authority and wealth and thus, light skin served as a signal of high status across the country. Those individuals with a lighter skin colour enjoyed more privileges from the British, were considered to have a more affluent status and gained preference in education and employment and darker-skinned individuals were socially and economically disadvantaged, and this disease continued…
This dangerous phenomenon of colourism passed on, to the extent that huge, ‘forward-thinking’ corporate brands such as L’Oreal have had no qualms in putting up gigantic billboards across the busy roads of India advertising their skin-lightening products with famous celebrities such as Priyanka Chopra (who, ironically, likes to push herself as a humanitarian) being the face of such companies. So, is it really any wonder that the power of colourism has crept into our South Asian psyche so silently and so dangerously, that today in 21st century Britain, we are still so wrapped up about the colour shade of our own people.
In a Hadeeth, it is narrated: ‘We passed by Abu Dharr (Allah be pleased with him) in Rabadha. Abu Dharr (Allah be pleased with him) said, “I had a quarrel with one of my brethren whose mother was of foreign descent, so I vilified him as ‘you son of a black mother’. He went to complain about me to the Prophet ﷺ. When the Prophet ﷺ met me (one day), he said, ‘Abu Dharr, you are someone who still displays Jahiliyyah (ignorance).’ Now, this Hadeeth might be focused on racism rather than colourism but the concept is the same. Discriminating and belittling because of the colour of the skin was deemed as ‘someone who still displays ignorance’ by our Prophet ﷺ. Our beloved Prophet ﷺ was a forward-thinking man, he was progressive in his ideologies and so for him, this was incredibly backwards. He remarked to Abu Dharr (Allah be pleased with him) that he ‘still’ displayed signs of ignorance so imagine if our Prophet ﷺ was to see that 1400 years later, we, the South Asian community, STILL have deeply entrenched traits of colourism within us. We still have marks of ignorance. We still haven’t progressed. We still think fair skin = excellence and dark skin = inferiority.
If we zoom in, we can observe that colourism has played a dark and ugly role in the field of matrimony. I use past tense, but a huge part of me says that should be corrected to the present tense and that colourism still rears its ugly head in marriages. It beggars disbelief when a mother refuses to accept a girl for her son because she’s ‘a bit on the dark side’. When asked for a potential spouse, ‘fair’ is a requirement. Yes, ‘fair’. They are flagrantly and unashamedly stating that a person with darker skin shade is not good enough for their family.
Colourism is heavily embedded throughout South Asian culture. The lack of melanin in your skin isn’t just used as a marking point of attractiveness, but the colour of your skin is frequently used to determine your self-worth. And this toxic rhetoric spills out of the household, out of our communities, and feeds into racism beyond our culture. If we don’t like dark-skinned Asians, we definitely don’t like the Black community – it’s an uncomfortable truth, isn’t it?
I’d like to think the tide is slowly turning. The international brand Unilever recently announced it would no longer use the word ‘fair’ in the name of its popular (in South Asian countries) skin-lightening cream Fair & Lovely. Johnson & Johnson has discontinued two skin care products that promote “fairness”. While, most recently, L’Oreal has stopped using the words “fair”, “fairness”, “light” and “lightening” on its products. So we have some progress. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Colourism is so deeply embedded in our communities from the top down and unfortunately, we still have a lot of work to do. We actively need to hold conversations around it to stamp it out properly. It’s a mindset that needs to be changed and reformulated. We have to be more alert to the micro aggressions that have become a part of our daily dialect, especially amongst the older generations (‘she’s so dark’ ‘you need to scrub your tan off’, ‘I wish I was fairer’…) and be brave enough to challenge them.
Ismail ibn Nazir Satia (one who is in dire need of Allah’s forgiveness, mercy and pleasure)
1 Dhul Hijjah 1443
As the Marriage season kicks off in the UK, I will be sharing ‘gems and jewels’ from the TYLP (Train Your Life Program) Pre-Marital Course held in Markfield last weekend.
These are from my notes so excuse the brevity and a lot of things shared are from the instructor’s experience based in Nigeria. Many things can relate to the Muslims in the UK too, if they don’t relate to you or your experience is a different one, ‘don’t kill the messenger’. Feel free to share and screenshot what does inspire you In Sha Allah. JzkAllah.
I describe Marriage as “two unique individuals who come together to complement each other, who are God-conscious, God-Fearing, and guide and encourage each other to get closer to their Maker.”
Two unique individuals who help and support each other’s development emotionally and physically. Who are garments for one another? Together build a nurturing, loving, and tranquil home, with a climate and culture where each thrives and achieves their highest calling.
Marriage is a relationship of giving and taking with mutual fulfilment and satisfaction. Someone who will be a buddy, best friend, and lover? Who you want to grow old with and go on a lifelong adventure of self-discovery with. Whenever you look at them, you feel contentment in your heart because you know that you are with the one that Allah SWT created just for you. A soul mate is who you keep no secrets from and is your confidant. Who gets to know you better than anyone else. Who you can be your true self around.
Selecting someone to be your life partner requires you to observe every minute detail of them. After all, you’re going to spend the rest of your life with them, so you need to make sure they’re right for you. This decision has the potential to determine your success and prosperity OR misery and misfortune!
The first piece of advice is to get married for the right reasons. I can’t say it enough, that if you have doubts about getting married or the reasons for the marriage, it won’t work.
❌ Don’t get married due to pressure from parents.
❌ Don’t get married because others are saying ‘you’re getting to a certain age’ or that your ‘biological clock is ticking’
❌ Don’t get married because all your friends are getting married or your siblings are settled down.
One of the most important decisions you will ever make.
Expectations of a Marriage
Many of us have varying expectations and fantasies of marriage. Some refer to what they saw or experienced growing up and believe that’s how it is going to be, good or bad. This sometimes determines if they look forward to it or dread it, but shouldn’t be!
Sadly, some grew up seeing conflict and turmoil. They witnessed poor communication and abuse of various kinds. They saw their parents miserable and were raised in a dysfunctional home.
Who to Marry?
Abu Hurairah RA related that the Prophet PBUH said: “Men choose women for four reasons; for their wealth, for their lineage/rank, for their beauty and for their religious commitment, but marry one who is religious and you will succeed.” BUKHARI/MUSLIM
This, of course, applies to both genders. So, what exactly is piety?
Just acts of worship and only rituals? Keeping a beard and wearing hijab?
That is what society says, salah, beard and hijab is deen. The reality is, that piety is also about compassion and being kind to others. Respecting your spouse and being humble towards your family. Remember, Allah SWT is more impressed with the ignorant believer, who is kind and helpful to others, than the knowledgeable, strict, regular worshipper who is miserly, cruel or unkind, who has no good to offer others.
Now, as much as I “hate” controversy, but I’ll say it…what if a sister doesn’t wear hijab, but has good akhlaq and character, what do you do? A brother is clean-shaven but is humble and softly spoken, what do you do? You marry them and work on the hijab/beard. There are many bearded men who are arrogant and some are wife beaters. There are many niqabi sisters who have sharp tongues and abuse their husbands.
Don’t get me wrong taqwa is a very critical ingredient in every healthy and successful marriage. When you are conscious of your Creator, He SWT becomes your compass, your guide and your personal Qiblah. All your actions are done to seek His pleasure.
Focus on the character and personality, this is why it is critical to take your time, observe, ask and investigate the person you want to marry throughly before marriage, not afterwards (like many do). Once problems start we dig up that DBS?! I have seen many get married because he had a beard or wore shalwar kameez regularly. And I married her because ‘she wore hijab’. Let’s not forget beards and hijabs are also very fashionable nowadays.
“If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.”(Tirmidhi)
The hadith clearly states, if a boy/girl matches your religious criteria then marry them. What the Hadith didn’t state was if they share the same nationality or race then marry them? We can go a step further for those parents who look at colour of skin… ‘they must be fair and slim’ as though people with dark skin are ugly? What would we say about black people? This is known as colourism
“All mankind is from Adam and Eve – an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab, nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black, nor does a black have any superiority over white except by piety and good action.”
This was stated in the Prophet’s SAW last sermon on the Ninth Day of Dhul-Hijjah, 10 A.H. in the ‘Uranah valley of Mount Arafat in Makkah. Every single person reading this, rather every Muslim will agree with the Prophet’s SAW statement verbally and theoretically. But when it comes to practicality and especially in marriage terms, not every Muslim agrees and acts upon this statement. Race is a big issue for some of us, different castes and different cultures. And even if you match all that some are so narrow minded they split hairs on different villages back home.
Here’s one I made earlier…
A fantastic article on “fair and lovely” written by one of our editors, Ma Sha Allah! 👌🏾
(Centuries ago) when the British ruled India, discrimination based on skin colour was most visible. The white British foreigners were symbols of power, authority and wealth and thus, light skin served as a signal of high status across the country.
Those individuals with a lighter skin colour enjoyed more privileges from the British, were considered to have a more affluent status and gained preference in education and employment and darker-skinned individuals were socially and economically disadvantaged, and this disease continued…
Let’s be fair, there are advantages of marrying into your own race or caste but don’t hate those that didn’t because even the Prophet PBUH didn’t marry all his wives from the Quraysh/Arabs. Safiyyah (Allah be pleased with her) was from a Jewish background and Mariyah (Allah be pleased with her) was from Egypt.
I believe some parents are soo staunch that they would rather have their daughter live in a haram relationship (commit Zina) than marry a Pakistani boy or a Surti boy… we are in the 21st century, why is this still happening in such a progressive country?
Marriage is prescribed for us, but it’s not always compulsory.
Haraam to get married: A person is not ready, mentally or physically or financially to uphold the rights of a spouse.
Wajib to get married: If a person fears falling into sin and haraam, but is able to fulfil his spouse’s rights.
Sunnah: A person wants to fulfil his deen by completing it with a partner. They are ready to fulfil each other’s rights and obligations.
Before you get married, drop your excess baggage. If you have experienced something unpleasant, some sort of abuse in the home; emotional, psychological, physical, economic, or any kind of abuse… it’s important you bring it out and address it to the best of your ability.
Be open and be honest about it. Keeping it locked up inside will only cause outbursts of frustration when your spouse doesn’t understand what you’re feeling or meltdowns. Counselling can help! Counselling is not just for psychopaths or people suffering from mental health. We can all benefit from counselling.
3 steps to know if someone is ready for marriage:
1. The person has enough self-awareness and self-love to be a healthy, stable independent person.
2. The person has healed, as much as possible, from past baggage/wounds.
3. The person has a vision/direction of where they are going, and they can see a husband/wife as part of that.
“Point number 2 – If you don’t heal what hurts you, then you’ll bleed on those who didn’t cut you.”
Solutions: Counselling or Talking Therapy Classes
It could also mean a past marriage where you were abused mentally, financially, physically or sexually. So now a person thinks “all women are manipulative, use and abuse men”… which is wrong. “All men are violent and aggressive” which is also wrong.
Let’s be frank, some parents don’t get it right. They may have been victims of domestic abuse themselves. They may simply be copying what they grew up seeing. They were not shown the right way to do things, so don’t live on your resentment. The reality is, “we cannot be what we do not see.” If you are a victim of or witnessed a toxic relationship or were drawn into the battlefield, made a lawyer, psychologist, or forced to take sides, first of all, you need to know that they are as human as you are.
A lot of people blame their parents for their bad marriages. We have already mentioned parents are human and make mistakes, they did what they thought was best and many times that doesn’t work out.
They often force the kids to marry in India and Pakistan… people can have their varying opinions on this, but British boys should marry British girls. Your daughter is a doctor earning a high salary, when Shaukat comes from Pakistan the first thing he will do is stop her from working. That’s her career gone down the drain, first problem.
Aside from the topic of women working/careers and whether it’s affecting marriages and children (that’s a long topic), my point is compatibility. Not to mention the amount of jinn/jadoo they bring along to this country🙈. Then all they worry about is funding the “bangla” back home, whilst totally depriving the wife and kids here in the UK. They suffer. I know dozens who will agree to this.
When will parents wake up?
🦜Birds of the same feather flock together
The company you keep also has a lot of influence over you and your marriage; the way you behave and think.
Ask yourself what kind of people do you surround yourself with?
What kind of discussions do you have?
If your friends don’t move you ahead in life, you are like a car stuck in the mud! You are spinning your wheels, but you are not going anywhere.
Whether we like it or not, whether we know it or not, we are mirroring what we see around us.
You use the same slang words as them? Dress like them or own similar things like phones or cars? You will follow the same people on social media?
Now, let me ask would you like your children to be like the people you hang out with the most? Have you ever stopped to notice that you have the same mannerisms as the people you spend the most time with? Maybe it’s the way you use your hands or your facial expressions?
We have all heard the saying, “Show me your friend and I will tell you who you are.”
The older you get, you become more vigilant, convinced you could be cast aside by your friends again at any moment. As life becomes more complex, it suddenly matters who is prepared to show up for you – and who isn’t.
One of the gifts new friendships can bring is the ability to see yourself through a different lens. Where older friends might have a set idea of who you are, with newer friends the additional layers you’ve gathered through life’s constant churn can become the core of who you are in that friendship.
Your Marriage Wish List
So, now it’s time to look at what you are looking for? What do you actually want?
Some have said,
Someone a bit religious, but not too much…
Tall, fair, big, but not too chubby…
Handsome, loaded💰 but not arrogant…
(The best till last🙈)… I want to marry someone who will remind me of my mother!
So, on a serious note, think about what you want:
* Which qualities are you looking for?
* What can you definitely not live with?
* A desirables list and essentials list
* What are your non-negotiables?
A list of questions to ask your potential spouse. Pick a few important ones.
30 Shawaal 1443
Ismail ibn Nazir Satia (one who is in dire need of Allah’s forgiveness, mercy and pleasure)
What a great reminder in these uncertain times, I have seen a few versions of this but this one was the best and it’s worth sharing and reminding all our families and friends.
The deceased Kuwaiti writer Abdullah JarAllah (RH) said:
I will not worry about my death nor be unduly concerned about my body for my Muslim brothers will do the needful.
1- يجردونني من ملابسي…They will disrobe me
2- يغسلونني…And wash me
3- يكفنونني …And enshroud me
4- يخرجونني من بيتي …And take me from my home
5- يذهبون بي لمسكني الجديد ( القبر ) …And they will carry me to my new abode (the grave)
6- وسيأتي الكثيرون لتشييع جنازتي…And many will come to participate in my Janaaza
بل سيلغي الكثير منهم أعماله ومواعيده لأجل دفني …Many of them would have taken time off their jobs or cancelled appointments in order to attend my burial.
وقد يكون الكثير منهم لم يفكر في نصيحتي يوما من الأيام …And most of them would not have reflected a day over my advice…
7- أشيائي سيتم التخلص منها …My belongings will be disposed of…
مفاتيحي …my keys
كتبي …my books
حقيبتي …my briefcase
أحذيتي …my shoes
ملابسي وهكذا…my clothes and so on
وإن كان أهلي موفقين فسوف يتصدقون بها لتنفعني … And if my family are amenable, they will donate it (my things) to benefit me..
تأكدوا بأن الدنيا لن تحزن علي…rest assured, the world would not mourn my passing
ولن تتوقف حركة العالم …and the movement of the world wouldn’t stop
واﻻقتصاد سيستمر …and trading will continue
ووظيفتي سيأتي غيري ليقوم بها …and someone else will do my job
وأموالي ستذهب حلالاً للورثة …and my wealth will be lawfully inherited by my heirs
بينما أنا الذي سأحاسب عليها !!!whilst I will be taken to task for it: a little, or a lot, nothing unaccounted for
القليل والكثير …النقير والقطمير … و إن أول ما موتي هو اسمي !!! The first thing I will lose upon death will be my name; that is why upon my death they will ask: “where is the body?”
لذلك عندما اموت سيقولون عني أين ” الجثة “..؟ولن ينادوني باسمي ..!and they will not call me by my name
وعندما يريدون الصلاة علي سيقولون احضروا “الجنازة” !!!When they want to perform the salat they will say: “bring the bier”, and they will not call me by my name!
ولن ينادوني باسمي ..!وعندما يشرعون بدفني سيقولون قربوا الميت ولن يذكروا اسمي ..!And when they are ready to bury me, they will say “bring the deceased…” and they will not mention my name…
لذلك لن يغرني نسبي ولا قبيلتي ولن يغرني منصبي ولا شهرتي …Due to this I will not be deceived by lineage, or my tribal affiliation and neither my status nor fame will beguile me…
فما أتفه هذه الدنيا وما أعظم ما نحن مقبلون عليه …How insignificant this world is, compared to what we will face
فيا ايها الحي الآن … اعلم ان الحزن عليك سيكون على ثلاثة أنواع:O, YOU WHO ARE ALIVE RIGHT NOW, KNOW THAT SORROW FOR YOU ARE OF 3 TYPES:
1- الناس الذين يعرفونك سطحياً سيقولون مسكينThose who really knew you, and they will say (miskeen)
2- أصدقاؤك سيحزنون ساعات أو أياماً ثم يعودون إلى حديثهم بل وضحكهم 2. Your friends who will remain sad for hours or days, then they will return to their discourses and entertainment
3- الحزن العميق في البيتسيحزن أهلك أسبوعا… أسبوعين شهرا… شهرين أو حتى سنةوبعدها سيضعونك في أرشيف الذكريات!!!3. Deep sorrow at home. Your family will be sad for a week or two, a month, two months or even a year after which you will be but a memory…
انتهت قصتك بين الناسوبدأت قصتك الحقيقيه وهي الآخرة Your story ended amongst people, but your real story just began, and its the hereafter…
لقد زال عنك: 1- الجمال …2- والمال …3- والصحة …4- والولد …5- فارقت الدور…والقصور6- والزوج …You have been divested of beauty, wealth, health, children, houses, castles and wife…
ولم يبق معك الا عملكوبدأت الحياة الحقيقية And nothing remains with you except your deeds (that you used to do). And you have now begun the “real” life…
والسؤال هنا :ماذا أعددت لقبرك وآخرتك من الآن ؟؟؟The question here is what have you PREPARED for your grave and your hereafter FROM NOW?
هذه حقيقة تحتاج الى تأمل … This reality needs some deep reflection
لذلك احرص على :so safeguard
1- الفرائض …the fard prayers and duties
2- النوافل …nafl/ voluntary works
3- صدقة السر …secret charity
4- عمل صالح …Good deeds
5- صلاة الليل…the tahajjud
لعلك تنجو so that you may be saved
ان ساعدت على تذكير الناس بهذه المقالة وانت حي الآنستجد أثر تذكيرك في ميزانك يوم القيامة بإذن الله…If you helped remind people through these utterances, while you are alive presently, if Allah wills, you will find the effect of your reminder in your scale of good deeds on the Day of Judgement.
(وذكّر فإن الذكرى تنفعُ المؤمنين) And remind, most certainly, reminding is fruitful for the believers
لماذا يختار الميت “الصدقة”لو رجع للدنيا why do you think the dead wish to perform charity if they return to the Earth? As Almighty has stated: “Oh my Lord if only you gave me a little respite, I would surely give in charity
كما قال تعالى( رب لولا أخرتني إلى أجل قريب فأصدولم يقل : He didn’t say
لأعتمر I’ll perform umrah
او لأصلي Or so I could pray
أو لأصوم Or so I could fast
قال العلماء : ما ذكر الميت الصدقة إلا لعظيم ما رأى من اثرها بعد موتهThe ulema said that the dead mentioned charity due to what (s)he saw of its great effect after his / her death
فأكثروا من الصدقة SO GIVE PLENTY CHARITY ومن افضل ما تتصدق به الآن 10 ثوان من وقتك لنشر هذا الكلام بنية النصحفالكلمة الطيبة صدقة.And the best of charity you could possibly do at this moment is to spend 10 seconds to forward this advice as a reminder; after all a good word is a charity💐.
15th Shaban 1442
“He grants to whomsover he wishes a female and He grants to whomsoever he wishes a male.”(49:42)
Having children is a great blessing of Allah SWT and not having children is also a blessing of Allah SWT. This post is aimed at parents who have children and are able to have children, appreciate this blessing which many other couples are praying day and night for, crying out loud for and raising their hands in the middle of the night for…
If you are able to have children then have children in plentiful and don’t stop Allah’s taqdeer by following society and its norms… “hum dow awr hamare dow” isn’t an Islamic concept.
I’m not targeting parents who only have one child or two then are unable to conceive etc. I’m talking about this Western idea of family planning and pre-planning our lives like non-Muslims. I understand the fear of modern-day fitnahs and how bringing children into the world has a worry attached with it but Allah is bigger and our trust and hope should lie in Him. I’m sure the only son wants a brother and so does the only daughter. This makes a big difference, especially when the kids grow up.
Ismail ibn Nazir Satia (one who is in dire need of Allah’s forgiveness, mercy and pleasure).
1 Shaban 1443
Deception: Study of Shaytan.
And I want to share with you one of his most continuous tricks.
فَوَسْوَسَ إِلَيْهِ الشَّيْطَانُ قَالَ يَا آدَمُ هَلْ أَدُلُّكَ عَلَىٰ شَجَرَةِ الْخُلْدِ وَمُلْكٍ لَّا يَبْلَىٰ“
Then Shayṭān whispered to him; he said, ‘O Ādam, shall I direct you to the tree of eternity and possession that will not deteriorate?’” [20:120]
You see, Iblis is a master of distorting reality. The tree that Allah had commanded them to not come near, was now being called the tree of eternity.
Iblīs will either take the goodness and make it appear as evil or take evil and make it appear as something good. In this case, Iblīs is taking something evil and making it appear as something good. The evils in society are given a positive name and as a result, we may accept it. Shayṭān will make Zina look enticing and call it making love. Iblīs makes people think about sexual freedom and not think that it is a big deal to have sex outside of marriage. We see the effects in our society: divorce, single parents raising kids, STDs, etc.
Iblīs will never remind you of these things. Iblīs deceives people into thinking things are good. He will get people to label each other. When you label someone, you can distort reality very easily. You turn people into caricatures and stereotypes and then can attack the stereotype irrespective if that is actually true of the person you are addressing. It is one of the tricks he uses most frequently.