My Little Breathing Space - I write for the few, not the many. The few that are left out!
If you're given the truth accept it, even from an enemy. If you're given evil reject it, even from a friend – Abdullah Ibn Mas'ood RA
Author:Ismail ibn Nazir Satia
I'm for the truth no matter who tells it. I'm for justice no matter who it is for or against. I'm a human being first and foremost and for whoever benefits humanity...
Every Eid same drama, same “unity” palaver. But hang on unity is from the Sunnah? The Quran endorses unity! The Qur’an and Sunnah teaches us a lot of things… tazkiyah and purity of the heart being number 1.
What is the point of one Eid when the hearts aren’t one? The hearts aren’t united?
What is the point of one Eid when we pray Salah shoulder to shoulder but the Ummah isn’t one?
What is the point of one Eid when our marriages aren’t unified? Surtis don’t marry bharuchis and Indians don’t marry Pakistanis?
What is the point of one Eid when your masjids don’t allow all Muslims to be members? When your Islamic schools give preference to the four holy Masjids because they are ‘from the ghom’?
Can someone tell me what really is the point? I don’t understand.
Have one Eid or a dozen Eids, but this Ummah will always be fragile until we learn to live like brothers.
Allah purify our hearts from jealousy and malice and unite this Ummah on the best day of the year. Ameen.
Ismail ibn Nazir Satia (one who is in dire need of Allah’s mercy, forgiveness and pleasure)
How many times have you heard within your family, something along the lines of ‘he’s really good looking and fair’ or ‘she’s so fair’ with their eyes lit up? How many times have you heard something like ‘it’s all good but he’s quite dark’ with a tinge of sympathy or ‘I hate getting tanned!’ In a tone that’s a little bit uncomfortable? This is colourism. Colourism is a form of heavy discrimination within the same race, it’s internal, it’s a ‘within your own people’ problem… and boy, don’t we all know about it. I still struggle to believe that in 2022, it is STILL an issue, still, a thing that’s got to be spoken about and still an innate disease stirring in and amongst us.
When the British ruled India, discrimination based on skin colour was most visible. The white British foreigners were symbols of power, authority and wealth and thus, light skin served as a signal of high status across the country. Those individuals with a lighter skin colour enjoyed more privileges from the British, were considered to have a more affluent status and gained preference in education and employment and darker-skinned individuals were socially and economically disadvantaged, and this disease continued…
This dangerous phenomenon of colourism passed on, to the extent that huge, ‘forward-thinking’ corporate brands such as L’Oreal have had no qualms in putting up gigantic billboards across the busy roads of India advertising their skin-lightening products with famous celebrities such as Priyanka Chopra (who, ironically, likes to push herself as a humanitarian) being the face of such companies. So, is it really any wonder that the power of colourism has crept into our South Asian psyche so silently and so dangerously, that today in 21st century Britain, we are still so wrapped up about the colour shade of our own people.
In a Hadeeth, it is narrated: ‘We passed by Abu Dharr (Allah be pleased with him) in Rabadha. Abu Dharr (Allah be pleased with him) said, “I had a quarrel with one of my brethren whose mother was of foreign descent, so I vilified him as ‘you son of a black mother’. He went to complain about me to the Prophet ﷺ. When the Prophet ﷺ met me (one day), he said, ‘Abu Dharr, you are someone who still displays Jahiliyyah (ignorance).’ Now, this Hadeeth might be focused on racism rather than colourism but the concept is the same. Discriminating and belittling because of the colour of the skin was deemed as ‘someone who still displays ignorance’ by our Prophet ﷺ. Our beloved Prophet ﷺ was a forward-thinking man, he was progressive in his ideologies and so for him, this was incredibly backwards. He remarked to Abu Dharr (Allah be pleased with him) that he ‘still’ displayed signs of ignorance so imagine if our Prophet ﷺ was to see that 1400 years later, we, the South Asian community, STILL have deeply entrenched traits of colourism within us. We still have marks of ignorance. We still haven’t progressed. We still think fair skin = excellence and dark skin = inferiority.
If we zoom in, we can observe that colourism has played a dark and ugly role in the field of matrimony. I use past tense, but a huge part of me says that should be corrected to the present tense and that colourism still rears its ugly head in marriages. It beggars disbelief when a mother refuses to accept a girl for her son because she’s ‘a bit on the dark side’. When asked for a potential spouse, ‘fair’ is a requirement. Yes, ‘fair’. They are flagrantly and unashamedly stating that a person with darker skin shade is not good enough for their family.
Colourism is heavily embedded throughout South Asian culture. The lack of melanin in your skin isn’t just used as a marking point of attractiveness, but the colour of your skin is frequently used to determine your self-worth. And this toxic rhetoric spills out of the household, out of our communities, and feeds into racism beyond our culture. If we don’t like dark-skinned Asians, we definitely don’t like the Black community – it’s an uncomfortable truth, isn’t it?
I’d like to think the tide is slowly turning. The international brand Unilever recently announced it would no longer use the word ‘fair’ in the name of its popular (in South Asian countries) skin-lightening cream Fair & Lovely. Johnson & Johnson has discontinued two skin care products that promote “fairness”. While, most recently, L’Oreal has stopped using the words “fair”, “fairness”, “light” and “lightening” on its products. So we have some progress. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Colourism is so deeply embedded in our communities from the top down and unfortunately, we still have a lot of work to do. We actively need to hold conversations around it to stamp it out properly. It’s a mindset that needs to be changed and reformulated. We have to be more alert to the micro aggressions that have become a part of our daily dialect, especially amongst the older generations (‘she’s so dark’ ‘you need to scrub your tan off’, ‘I wish I was fairer’…) and be brave enough to challenge them.
Ismail ibn Nazir Satia (one who is in dire need of Allah’s forgiveness, mercy and pleasure)
As the Marriage season kicks off in the UK, I will be sharing ‘gems and jewels’ from the TYLP (Train Your Life Program) Pre-Marital Course held in Markfield last weekend.
These are from my notes so excuse the brevity and a lot of things shared are from the instructor’s experience based in Nigeria. Many things can relate to the Muslims in the UK too, if they don’t relate to you or your experience is a different one, ‘don’t kill the messenger’. Feel free to share and screenshot what does inspire you In Sha Allah. JzkAllah.
I describe Marriage as “two unique individuals who come together to complement each other, who are God-conscious, God-Fearing, and guide and encourage each other to get closer to their Maker.”
Two unique individuals who help and support each other’s development emotionally and physically. Who are garments for one another? Together build a nurturing, loving, and tranquil home, with a climate and culture where each thrives and achieves their highest calling.
Marriage is a relationship of giving and taking with mutual fulfilment and satisfaction. Someone who will be a buddy, best friend, and lover? Who you want to grow old with and go on a lifelong adventure of self-discovery with. Whenever you look at them, you feel contentment in your heart because you know that you are with the one that Allah SWT created just for you. A soul mate is who you keep no secrets from and is your confidant. Who gets to know you better than anyone else. Who you can be your true self around.
Selecting someone to be your life partner requires you to observe every minute detail of them. After all, you’re going to spend the rest of your life with them, so you need to make sure they’re right for you. This decision has the potential to determine your success and prosperity OR misery and misfortune!
The first piece of advice is to get married for the right reasons. I can’t say it enough, that if you have doubts about getting married or the reasons for the marriage, it won’t work.
❌ Don’t get married due to pressure from parents.
❌ Don’t get married because others are saying ‘you’re getting to a certain age’ or that your ‘biological clock is ticking’
❌ Don’t get married because all your friends are getting married or your siblings are settled down.
One of the most important decisions you will ever make.
Expectations of a Marriage
Many of us have varying expectations and fantasies of marriage. Some refer to what they saw or experienced growing up and believe that’s how it is going to be, good or bad. This sometimes determines if they look forward to it or dread it, but shouldn’t be!
Sadly, some grew up seeing conflict and turmoil. They witnessed poor communication and abuse of various kinds. They saw their parents miserable and were raised in a dysfunctional home.
Who to Marry?
Abu Hurairah RA related that the Prophet PBUH said: “Men choose women for four reasons; for their wealth, for their lineage/rank, for their beauty and for their religious commitment, but marry one who is religious and you will succeed.” BUKHARI/MUSLIM
This, of course, applies to both genders. So, what exactly is piety?
Just acts of worship and only rituals? Keeping a beard and wearing hijab?
That is what society says, salah, beard and hijab is deen. The reality is, that piety is also about compassion and being kind to others. Respecting your spouse and being humble towards your family. Remember, Allah SWT is more impressed with the ignorant believer, who is kind and helpful to others, than the knowledgeable, strict, regular worshipper who is miserly, cruel or unkind, who has no good to offer others.
Now, as much as I “hate” controversy, but I’ll say it…what if a sister doesn’t wear hijab, but has good akhlaq and character, what do you do? A brother is clean-shaven but is humble and softly spoken, what do you do? You marry them and work on the hijab/beard. There are many bearded men who are arrogant and some are wife beaters. There are many niqabi sisters who have sharp tongues and abuse their husbands.
Don’t get me wrong taqwa is a very critical ingredient in every healthy and successful marriage. When you are conscious of your Creator, He SWT becomes your compass, your guide and your personal Qiblah. All your actions are done to seek His pleasure.
Focus on the character and personality, this is why it is critical to take your time, observe, ask and investigate the person you want to marry throughly before marriage, not afterwards (like many do). Once problems start we dig up that DBS?! I have seen many get married because he had a beard or wore shalwar kameez regularly. And I married her because ‘she wore hijab’. Let’s not forget beards and hijabs are also very fashionable nowadays.
“If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.”(Tirmidhi)
The hadith clearly states, if a boy/girl matches your religious criteria then marry them. What the Hadith didn’t state was if they share the same nationality or race then marry them? We can go a step further for those parents who look at colour of skin… ‘they must be fair and slim’ as though people with dark skin are ugly? What would we say about black people? This is known as colourism
“All mankind is from Adam and Eve – an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab, nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black, nor does a black have any superiority over white except by piety and good action.”
This was stated in the Prophet’s SAW last sermon on the Ninth Day of Dhul-Hijjah, 10 A.H. in the ‘Uranah valley of Mount Arafat in Makkah. Every single person reading this, rather every Muslim will agree with the Prophet’s SAW statement verbally and theoretically. But when it comes to practicality and especially in marriage terms, not every Muslim agrees and acts upon this statement. Race is a big issue for some of us, different castes and different cultures. And even if you match all that some are so narrow minded they split hairs on different villages back home.
A fantastic article on “fair and lovely” written by one of our editors, Ma Sha Allah! 👌🏾
(Centuries ago) when the British ruled India, discrimination based on skin colour was most visible. The white British foreigners were symbols of power, authority and wealth and thus, light skin served as a signal of high status across the country.
Those individuals with a lighter skin colour enjoyed more privileges from the British, were considered to have a more affluent status and gained preference in education and employment and darker-skinned individuals were socially and economically disadvantaged, and this disease continued…
Let’s be fair, there are advantages of marrying into your own race or caste but don’t hate those that didn’t because even the Prophet PBUH didn’t marry all his wives from the Quraysh/Arabs. Safiyyah (Allah be pleased with her) was from a Jewish background and Mariyah (Allah be pleased with her) was from Egypt.
I believe some parents are soo staunch that they would rather have their daughter live in a haram relationship (commit Zina) than marry a Pakistani boy or a Surti boy… we are in the 21st century, why is this still happening in such a progressive country?
Marriage is prescribed for us, but it’s not always compulsory.
Haraam to get married: A person is not ready, mentally or physically or financially to uphold the rights of a spouse.
Wajib to get married: If a person fears falling into sin and haraam, but is able to fulfil his spouse’s rights.
Sunnah: A person wants to fulfil his deen by completing it with a partner. They are ready to fulfil each other’s rights and obligations.
Excess Baggage
Before you get married, drop your excess baggage. If you have experienced something unpleasant, some sort of abuse in the home; emotional, psychological, physical, economic, or any kind of abuse… it’s important you bring it out and address it to the best of your ability.
Be open and be honest about it. Keeping it locked up inside will only cause outbursts of frustration when your spouse doesn’t understand what you’re feeling or meltdowns. Counselling can help! Counselling is not just for psychopaths or people suffering from mental health. We can all benefit from counselling.
3 steps to know if someone is ready for marriage:
1. The person has enough self-awareness and self-love to be a healthy, stable independent person.
2. The person has healed, as much as possible, from past baggage/wounds.
3. The person has a vision/direction of where they are going, and they can see a husband/wife as part of that.
“Point number 2 – If you don’t heal what hurts you, then you’ll bleed on those who didn’t cut you.”
Solutions: Counselling or Talking Therapy Classes
It could also mean a past marriage where you were abused mentally, financially, physically or sexually. So now a person thinks “all women are manipulative, use and abuse men”… which is wrong. “All men are violent and aggressive” which is also wrong.
Let’s be frank, some parents don’t get it right. They may have been victims of domestic abuse themselves. They may simply be copying what they grew up seeing. They were not shown the right way to do things, so don’t live on your resentment. The reality is, “we cannot be what we do not see.” If you are a victim of or witnessed a toxic relationship or were drawn into the battlefield, made a lawyer, psychologist, or forced to take sides, first of all, you need to know that they are as human as you are.
A lot of people blame their parents for their bad marriages. We have already mentioned parents are human and make mistakes, they did what they thought was best and many times that doesn’t work out.
They often force the kids to marry in India and Pakistan… people can have their varying opinions on this, but British boys should marry British girls. Your daughter is a doctor earning a high salary, when Shaukat comes from Pakistan the first thing he will do is stop her from working. That’s her career gone down the drain, first problem.
Aside from the topic of women working/careers and whether it’s affecting marriages and children (that’s a long topic), my point is compatibility. Not to mention the amount of jinn/jadoo they bring along to this country🙈. Then all they worry about is funding the “bangla” back home, whilst totally depriving the wife and kids here in the UK. They suffer. I know dozens who will agree to this.
When will parents wake up?
🦜Birds of the same feather flock together
The company you keep also has a lot of influence over you and your marriage; the way you behave and think.
Ask yourself what kind of people do you surround yourself with?
What kind of discussions do you have?
If your friends don’t move you ahead in life, you are like a car stuck in the mud! You are spinning your wheels, but you are not going anywhere.
Whether we like it or not, whether we know it or not, we are mirroring what we see around us.
You use the same slang words as them? Dress like them or own similar things like phones or cars? You will follow the same people on social media?
Now, let me ask would you like your children to be like the people you hang out with the most? Have you ever stopped to notice that you have the same mannerisms as the people you spend the most time with? Maybe it’s the way you use your hands or your facial expressions?
We have all heard the saying, “Show me your friend and I will tell you who you are.”
The older you get, you become more vigilant, convinced you could be cast aside by your friends again at any moment. As life becomes more complex, it suddenly matters who is prepared to show up for you – and who isn’t.
One of the gifts new friendships can bring is the ability to see yourself through a different lens. Where older friends might have a set idea of who you are, with newer friends the additional layers you’ve gathered through life’s constant churn can become the core of who you are in that friendship.
Your Marriage Wish List
So, now it’s time to look at what you are looking for? What do you actually want?
Some have said,
Someone a bit religious, but not too much…
Tall, fair, big, but not too chubby…
Handsome, loaded💰 but not arrogant…
(The best till last🙈)… I want to marry someone who will remind me of my mother!
So, on a serious note, think about what you want:
* Which qualities are you looking for?
* What can you definitely not live with?
* A desirables list and essentials list
* What are your non-negotiables?
A list of questions to ask your potential spouse. Pick a few important ones.
What a great reminder in these uncertain times, I have seen a few versions of this but this one was the best and it’s worth sharing and reminding all our families and friends.
The deceased Kuwaiti writer Abdullah JarAllah (RH) said:
I will not worry about my death nor be unduly concerned about my body for my Muslim brothers will do the needful. 1- يجردونني من ملابسي…They will disrobe me 2- يغسلونني…And wash me 3- يكفنونني …And enshroud me 4- يخرجونني من بيتي …And take me from my home 5- يذهبون بي لمسكني الجديد ( القبر ) …And they will carry me to my new abode (the grave) 6- وسيأتي الكثيرون لتشييع جنازتي…And many will come to participate in my Janaaza بل سيلغي الكثير منهم أعماله ومواعيده لأجل دفني …Many of them would have taken time off their jobs or cancelled appointments in order to attend my burial. وقد يكون الكثير منهم لم يفكر في نصيحتي يوما من الأيام …And most of them would not have reflected a day over my advice… 7- أشيائي سيتم التخلص منها …My belongings will be disposed of… مفاتيحي …my keys كتبي …my books حقيبتي …my briefcase أحذيتي …my shoes ملابسي وهكذا…my clothes and so on وإن كان أهلي موفقين فسوف يتصدقون بها لتنفعني … And if my family are amenable, they will donate it (my things) to benefit me.. تأكدوا بأن الدنيا لن تحزن علي…rest assured, the world would not mourn my passing ولن تتوقف حركة العالم …and the movement of the world wouldn’t stop واﻻقتصاد سيستمر …and trading will continue ووظيفتي سيأتي غيري ليقوم بها …and someone else will do my job وأموالي ستذهب حلالاً للورثة …and my wealth will be lawfully inherited by my heirs بينما أنا الذي سأحاسب عليها !!!whilst I will be taken to task for it: a little, or a lot, nothing unaccounted for القليل والكثير …النقير والقطمير … و إن أول ما موتي هو اسمي !!! The first thing I will lose upon death will be my name; that is why upon my death they will ask: “where is the body?” لذلك عندما اموت سيقولون عني أين ” الجثة “..؟ولن ينادوني باسمي ..!and they will not call me by my name وعندما يريدون الصلاة علي سيقولون احضروا “الجنازة” !!!When they want to perform the salat they will say: “bring the bier”, and they will not call me by my name! ولن ينادوني باسمي ..!وعندما يشرعون بدفني سيقولون قربوا الميت ولن يذكروا اسمي ..!And when they are ready to bury me, they will say “bring the deceased…” and they will not mention my name… لذلك لن يغرني نسبي ولا قبيلتي ولن يغرني منصبي ولا شهرتي …Due to this I will not be deceived by lineage, or my tribal affiliation and neither my status nor fame will beguile me… فما أتفه هذه الدنيا وما أعظم ما نحن مقبلون عليه …How insignificant this world is, compared to what we will face فيا ايها الحي الآن … اعلم ان الحزن عليك سيكون على ثلاثة أنواع:O, YOU WHO ARE ALIVE RIGHT NOW, KNOW THAT SORROW FOR YOU ARE OF 3 TYPES: 1- الناس الذين يعرفونك سطحياً سيقولون مسكينThose who really knew you, and they will say (miskeen) 2- أصدقاؤك سيحزنون ساعات أو أياماً ثم يعودون إلى حديثهم بل وضحكهم 2. Your friends who will remain sad for hours or days, then they will return to their discourses and entertainment 3- الحزن العميق في البيتسيحزن أهلك أسبوعا… أسبوعين شهرا… شهرين أو حتى سنةوبعدها سيضعونك في أرشيف الذكريات!!!3. Deep sorrow at home. Your family will be sad for a week or two, a month, two months or even a year after which you will be but a memory… انتهت قصتك بين الناسوبدأت قصتك الحقيقيه وهي الآخرة Your story ended amongst people, but your real story just began, and its the hereafter… لقد زال عنك: 1- الجمال …2- والمال …3- والصحة …4- والولد …5- فارقت الدور…والقصور6- والزوج …You have been divested of beauty, wealth, health, children, houses, castles and wife… ولم يبق معك الا عملكوبدأت الحياة الحقيقية And nothing remains with you except your deeds (that you used to do). And you have now begun the “real” life… والسؤال هنا :ماذا أعددت لقبرك وآخرتك من الآن ؟؟؟The question here is what have you PREPARED for your grave and your hereafter FROM NOW? هذه حقيقة تحتاج الى تأمل … This reality needs some deep reflection لذلك احرص على :so safeguard 1- الفرائض …the fard prayers and duties 2- النوافل …nafl/ voluntary works 3- صدقة السر …secret charity 4- عمل صالح …Good deeds 5- صلاة الليل…the tahajjud لعلك تنجو so that you may be saved ان ساعدت على تذكير الناس بهذه المقالة وانت حي الآنستجد أثر تذكيرك في ميزانك يوم القيامة بإذن الله…If you helped remind people through these utterances, while you are alive presently, if Allah wills, you will find the effect of your reminder in your scale of good deeds on the Day of Judgement. (وذكّر فإن الذكرى تنفعُ المؤمنين) And remind, most certainly, reminding is fruitful for the believers لماذا يختار الميت “الصدقة”لو رجع للدنيا why do you think the dead wish to perform charity if they return to the Earth? As Almighty has stated: “Oh my Lord if only you gave me a little respite, I would surely give in charity كما قال تعالى( رب لولا أخرتني إلى أجل قريب فأصدولم يقل : He didn’t say لأعتمر I’ll perform umrah او لأصلي Or so I could pray أو لأصوم Or so I could fast قال العلماء : ما ذكر الميت الصدقة إلا لعظيم ما رأى من اثرها بعد موتهThe ulema said that the dead mentioned charity due to what (s)he saw of its great effect after his / her death فأكثروا من الصدقة SO GIVE PLENTY CHARITY ومن افضل ما تتصدق به الآن 10 ثوان من وقتك لنشر هذا الكلام بنية النصحفالكلمة الطيبة صدقة.And the best of charity you could possibly do at this moment is to spend 10 seconds to forward this advice as a reminder; after all a good word is a charity💐.
“He grants to whomsover he wishes a female and He grants to whomsoever he wishes a male.”(49:42)
Having children is a great blessing of Allah SWT and not having children is also a blessing of Allah SWT. This post is aimed at parents who have children and are able to have children, appreciate this blessing which many other couples are praying day and night for, crying out loud for and raising their hands in the middle of the night for… If you are able to have children then have children in plentiful and don’t stop Allah’s taqdeer by following society and its norms… “hum dow awr hamare dow” isn’t an Islamic concept.
I’m not targeting parents who only have one child or two then are unable to conceive etc. I’m talking about this Western idea of family planning and pre-planning our lives like non-Muslims. I understand the fear of modern-day fitnahs and how bringing children into the world has a worry attached with it but Allah is bigger and our trust and hope should lie in Him. I’m sure the only son wants a brother and so does the only daughter. This makes a big difference, especially when the kids grow up.
Ismail ibn Nazir Satia (one who is in dire need of Allah’s forgiveness, mercy and pleasure).
Then Shayṭān whispered to him; he said, ‘O Ādam, shall I direct you to the tree of eternity and possession that will not deteriorate?’” [20:120]
You see, Iblis is a master of distorting reality. The tree that Allah had commanded them to not come near, was now being called the tree of eternity. Iblīs will either take the goodness and make it appear as evil or take evil and make it appear as something good. In this case, Iblīs is taking something evil and making it appear as something good. The evils in society are given a positive name and as a result, we may accept it. Shayṭān will make Zina look enticing and call it making love. Iblīs makes people think about sexual freedom and not think that it is a big deal to have sex outside of marriage. We see the effects in our society: divorce, single parents raising kids, STDs, etc.
Iblīs will never remind you of these things. Iblīs deceives people into thinking things are good. He will get people to label each other. When you label someone, you can distort reality very easily. You turn people into caricatures and stereotypes and then can attack the stereotype irrespective if that is actually true of the person you are addressing. It is one of the tricks he uses most frequently.
1. “I pray my Salah and Manzil, then trust Allah. Nothing can harm me! Why would I need Ruqya?”
A simple answer for such people is that the Prophet PBUH also prayed Salah and read the Qur’an, rather the Qur’an was revealed upon him. Despite such noble piety, He PBUH was still affected by jinn/jadoo for six months and wasn’t aware (some scholars say even longer). Salah and Qur’an/Manzil are the best forms of protection, they do help, but a person can still be affected by nazar and jinn etc.
NB: We do not stop anyone from reading Manzil and general Qur’an as this does help immensely if someone casts evil eye on you despite your Salah and Qur’an it will only affect you 20%-30%, because you have a certain amount of protection.
2. “I went for Ruqya once it didn’t make a difference, black magic never really goes away.”
This is a statement we hear often because people have unrealistic expectations from Raqis. They want us to fix all their life problems, marriage, kids, work, house and maybe get us that fancy new car too?? And when those expectations are not met it leads to disappointment and frustration.
Secondly, Ruqya is never a one-time fix, this is the biggest mistake people make because most people need a few sessions.
Thirdly, patience is needed. It takes time for these things to heal. A person can have black magic for 10 years and expects it to go in a day or a week? Even medical doctors can’t cure cancer in a week.
You don’t change GPs every week, in a like manner don’t go to one Raqi today, another one next week, then try Taweez in India, by February you’re on Chinese herbal medicine and then back to anti-depressants. Stick to one method for at least 6 months, if it doesn’t work go to someone else, but do regular treatment.
3. “Ruqya is soo expensive and they tell you to drink Zamzam regularly also expensive, and buy Ajwa dates even more expensive! Ruqya is a rip-off!!”
Money means a lot to us all, we all value and love our money, but do we love our health? Mental and physical health… that’s what it boils down to. If you value your health, you will spend the money you spend all your life earning to save that health. But not everyone does, and nobody admits it.
Dear brother and dear sister, have you ever contemplated the amount of money you spend on takeaways/restaurants. The amount brothers spend on cigarettes and shisha. The amount sisters spend on make-up and handbags? Shoes? None of the above save your health! Cut down on these and save £20 for Zamzam/Ajwa… I’m not an accountant, but you can do the maths, we happily spend on futile things because shaytan loves to mislead us.
Ruqya is expensive and the reason is the nature of the field and the risks we take to do this job. It’s not easy and it’s not ABC, don’t compare us to a dentist or optician who opens at 9 am and closes at 5 pm. Raqis have to do so many things in the background to protect themselves to treat you, it also affects their family and house. Not to mention the backlash from doing Ruqya which comes in many forms.
But we must apply the ‘common sense rule’. If someone is charging in the 100s, then Shariah says use your Aqal and run, as you run from a lion. Don’t get conned!
Look for those who have decent and reasonable prices, bearing in mind those who run from clinics have rent to pay (costs add up). I’m only explaining, not justifying.
Again, I will say, I rarely hear people complain about dentists and opticians who have high rates! Private health care rips your wallet, arm, and leg off…
4. “I’ve heard these guys are all bogus, they make stories up. And it’s all money-making!”
Nobody likes stereotypes. Nobody. But we all get angry and emotional at some point in our lives and blurt a few things hidden in our minds, because of our bad experiences. You are allowed to have bad experiences and even talk about them, just don’t generalise. The word ‘all’ is dangerous, especially when it’s due to the actions of a few individuals.
The police are meant to protect us and uphold the law, often they break the law. There are corrupt police officers, does that mean all coppers are bent? #LoD
Teachers are meant to educate our children in school and madrasah, many teachers abuse our children, physically and sexually. Do you still send your children to school or do you generalise?
Doctors are meant to save our lives, but many doctors have killed their patients. Have you stopped going to the hospital?
My point is every sector has a few rotten apples, but you can’t say that everyone is the same. You get genuine people in the world and corrupt people, we need to look for genuine Raqis.
I have never denied the fact that there are fake healers, even in the Taweez/Aamil world. Don’t look at social media and YouTube, everyone looks good on there! Sisters particularly need to be careful as these predators often target vulnerable women. Always go with a mahram and ask questions if you have doubts about their diagnosis, don’t be bamboozled.
5. “Isn’t there a Hadith to the nearest effect, 70,000 people will enter Jannah without accountability on Qiyamah. One group is those who don’t seek Ruqya.”
The Hadith is correct, but like with most Hadith they need interpretation and commentary, they shouldn’t be taken literally, otherwise, it can cause confusion (generally speaking not just for Ruqya). There are Hadith that the Prophet PBUH urinated standing up? Do we follow such Hadith?
The different meanings of the “one who did not seek ruqya.”
1. There are certain pious individuals who have 100% reliance on Allah SWT and they never turn to the creation for help, like the Prophets AS and the Sahabah RA and even in the general public we have the Saints of Allah, they shouldn’t seek Ruqya as it goes against their tawakkul.
2. They do not ask anyone for Ruqya until the affliction happens, some individuals who panic seek Ruqya before the affliction, this is incorrect.
3. They believe Allah cures not the Raqi, so their belief is correct.
4. They refrain from shirk in their Ruqya, like the Ruqya in pre-Islamic times.
5. They try Ruqya or treatment themselves first then seek it from others. Self-Ruqya is important, to learn and teach it to others.
These are the answers given by Shaykh Khalid Hibshi, KSA
6. “I believe my issues are mental health or even medical. I don’t need Ruqya, because I don’t believe in jinn/jadoo.”
An increasing issue, especially in Europe and the West, where Mental Health issues are accepted and Jinn/Jadoo issues are rejected, denied and marginalized. So where is the balance and correlation between them all? We, as Muslims should believe in Mental Health, it’s a growing reality. Our lifestyle, our diet, and the fast-moving technology are usually the causes.
As for believing in Ruqya and Jinn/Jadoo, be careful before you get your defense shield up. Ruqya is reciting verses of the Qur’an and the treatment is everything mentioned in the Hadith. There is a Surah in the Qur’an called ‘Surah Jinn’. The Prophet PBUH and many of the Sahabah RA were affected by Black Magic. To deny the above is a major sin, and we need to watch our words before we deny them haphazardly.
It is mainly men who deny these things and even some scholars are negative towards jinn/jadoo issues (wait for day 10 and the reality of Ulama/Imams).
To believe in one thing you don’t need to deny another, to believe in mental health (because you suffered) doesn’t mean you deny jinn/Jadoo. But I’ll be honest, I do feel mental health is overrated, everything is mental health nowadays! Especially with the millennial kids and millennial parents, they don’t believe in jinn/Jadoo as much. The reason is the secular society we live in, the NHS and Media promote Mental Health massively. Well, my answer is My Nabi and My Allah promote jinn/Jadoo issues far more, it is endorsed in the Qur’an and Hadith. We do believe in mental health but mental health doesn’t believe in us.
Many people suffering from jinn/jadoo will suffer mental health issues and vice versa, jinn/jadoo can be a contributing factor in mental health and medical issues. Ruqya has helped people who suffer from Anxiety, Depression, Severe Migraines, even in cases of Cancer Ruqya has helped. Some were given ‘all clear’ and others said Ruqya helped with (the pain of) Chemo. That doesn’t mean we deny medical issues, it just endorses what Allah SWT has said, “The Quran is Shifa.” If doctors and medical experts know everything and cure all, why are soo many people still suffering day and night pills after pills;
CT scan = Clear.
MRI = Clear.
X-ray = Clear.
But they are still in pain and agony? Please do explain.
7. “I’ve had soo much Ruqya done, been to a dozen Raqis. Why am I not getting better? Why doesn’t it go away?”
Some people don’t get better and don’t see major improvements, there are reasons for this: i) People don’t act upon the advice we give them. They don’t pray salah and manzil, let alone surah baqarah (which is long). Men don’t go to the masjid, sisters don’t want to cover up and wear hijab, how on earth will you get better? Apart from a miracle…
ii) Sihr/Jadoo can be repeated. Just like Covid-19, you can get it once and you can get it twice (some have had it thrice). You can also get jadoo again, because the people doing it repeat it. Hence, I say never give up Manzil and Surah Baqarah, keep drinking Ruqya water, and use olive oil regularly. Most people become complacent once they see signs of improvement.
iii) The one doing Black Magic is close to you. Nobody likes to hear that, but often true. I don’t suggest accusing people, but the worst cases for us are when the perpetrators of Sihr are family members. Hence they keep feeding you and you lose all spirituality and religiosity.
Food is the strongest source of Black Magic, they feed you by mixing it in your food (usually sweet things, cakes, biscuits, or tea). The food enters your body, flows through your blood, eventually, you are fully ‘jadoofied’. A man’s whole personality can change, good men/women can become bitter and evil, harsh and arrogant.
If you find the concept hard why a family member would do jadoo, father on his own son? Wife on her own husband? One word: control. Control is what everyone craves, but not everyone gets it. Black Magic will give you that control (temporarily), and hellfire (permanently).
8. “You treated my brother who got better instantly, but I am not seeing results despite praying manzil regularly and reading surah baqarah etc.”
Yaqeen and conviction is an important aspect of Islam, it makes all the difference in treatment (medical or spiritual). Even if you take a paracetamol your belief should be Allah SWT cures, not the tablet. If you come for Ruqya you need to believe Allah SWT cures, not the Raqi. The higher the level of Yaqeen the quicker the ilaaj.
Two people can come for Ruqya with different mind-sets and see different results. Many come to ‘test’ us and see if it works. Totally wrong mindset, such people need to stick to MOT testing and not test the words of Allah SWT. If you are cured, Allah SWT cured you and if you weren’t cured there is a deficiency somewhere.
One of the greatest things I have learnt from Ruqya is trust in Allah SWT, hope in Him, and being optimistic about Allah SWT in all situations. It’s a real test of your Imaan. “I am as my servants think of me” (Hadith Qudsi). Think good of Allah SWT and the results are amazing!
One of the best clips on Husne Dhann with Allah SWT for Arabic listeners.
A line from the clip, “One of the pious predecessors used to say, even if Allah SWT enters me into the Hellfire, I will still tell the people of Hell: I love Allah SWT!”
Subhan Allah! Despite being entered into Hell, to still say I love Allah (because He is fair) is real love and optimism. Allah grant us a share of it. Ameen.
9. “I have heard Raqis don’t like Aamils and people who do Taweez, is this true? Because they say all Taweez are shirk!”
There is a hadith that states ‘amulets/taweez are shirk’, but there is also a hadith (which nobody quotes) that states ‘Ruqya is shirk’. As always, Hadith need interpretation and commentary. The answer to both Hadith is that those amulets which contain the words of Shirk and associating partners with Allah SWT are Shirk. The same applies to Ruqya of jahiliyya/pre-Islam which contains Shirk is not allowed.
Taweez is a grey area though and we need to be careful what sort of taweez we use. If it is clear and legible, then good, if it is a Qur’an ayah you know, then okay. But if you don’t know what it says in the taweez, avoid it like the plague. Why risk it?
Many taweez have been opened to find hair and blood inside. Others had the names of Shaytan and pictures of Shaytan. Hence, we always promote Ruqya which is clear and Qur’anic, it makes sense. The method of treatment is found in the Sunnah. Why have cotton when you can have silk?
As for the hatred, Taweez vs. Ruqya, I have never been intimidated by anyone who does Taweez, Alhumdu Lillah. But I am not sure about the other way round. I have heard many Aamils who spread all sorts of rumours about Raqis, it’s like we are stepping on their toes! If what they do is “kosher” why do they panic when someone starts Ruqya?
Why the use of such adjectives like “dodgy mawlana” or “Magician molsab”? Carry on with what you do silently… but ruqya does damage for some of them, because their works are far, far from kosher. It is the work of Shaytan! Black magic comes from somewhere…
And often that somewhere are Peers and Mawlanas who sell Taweez containing shirk and black magic. People who do Black Magic don’t sit in a castle dressed in black with a cat and cauldron, that’s Harry Potter! In real life, they are our own scholars making millions of dollars. Be warned!
The truth is always bitter, but bitter medicine has always proven to cure faster than any other. And remember half these stories you get from Aamils are absolutely bogus, many claim to keep jinns for info, even that is questionable whether their jinns exist? But people love to hear their fascinating stories!
10. “I recently went to a counsellor with my husband, the counsellor is also an Alim. We talked about jinn/jadoo issues to which he replied, “shut that topic down, no such thing! 99% of these jinn/jadoo issues are just mental health!”
The best to the last… Ulama and jinn/jadoo issues! First and foremost, we need to understand scholars are scholars, not God! They study in Darul Uloom for 6/7 years to give them “training” in Qur’an/Hadith.
I choose my words carefully, ‘training’, they don’t qualify to know everything. Then they’re told to further their studies on their own or specialise in specific fields. But the majority don’t, many don’t even know Qur’an and Hadith properly let alone specialise in something, let alone know about Mental Health and Jinn/Jadoo issues. Just like this scholar mentioned above. When I put on my trench coat and glasses, I realised he also works in a school? Imagine how many people he is misleading because of his arrogance! You know I will always challenge these molvis… so I called him and gave a plethora of evidence, hadhrat jee put the phone down! I apologised for hurting his ego.
For years, I wondered and wandered through different avenues to work out why soo many Ulama are against Ruqya and negative towards jinn/jadoo issues.
Once I listened to a talk relating the story of Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal RH, in his time someone came and said, “O Imam! Fulan ibn Fulan denies the issue of jinn!” Imam Ahmad RH: “This is the Shaytan talking on his tongue.” This meaning shaytan will target ulama/imams and misguide them, to mislead the masses, there is plenty of evidence for this. It is important for ulama to have protection against sihr/jinn.
We will always reach out to Ulama who are wrong and correct them, there is no harm. It is better than gheebat-ing, especially in a dars of hadith. That’s right, even senior scholars can be corrected. Recently, our intel told us a senior Shaykhul Hadith sat in a lesson of Bukhari blasting Ruqya and blasting me! What was my sin? Educating people on Black Magic and Ruqya.
Subhan Allah! It’s a shame ulama don’t have the courage to ring me or tell me to my face, especially when I’m not doing anything wrong… these are the elders we are told to respect since we were small. I wonder if they are elders or oldies?
Ismail ibn Nazir Satia (one who is in dire need of Allah’s forgiveness, mercy and pleasure).
Mufti Ebrahim Desai Saheb (Allah have mercy upon him)
askimam.com
Mufti Ebrahim Desai Saheb RH was born in Richmond, Natal. He completed his Qurān Memorization (Hifdh) by the renowned Hafiz Abdur Rahman Mia Saheb Rahimahullah at Waterval Islamic Institute (Miā’s Farm) South Africa. Thereafter, he pursued his ῾Ālim Course in Jamia Islamia, Dhabel for 7 years and passed with distinction every year. Mufti Ebrahim Desai completed his Mufti Course (Iftā) at Jamia Islāmia, Dhabel, India under Hazrat Mufti Ahmad Khanpuri Saheb of Dabhel for 2 years. After he completed his Iftaa in Dabhel, he went to Deoband to spend time with his Shaykh, the Grand Mufti of India and famous reformer and saint of the time, Mufti Mahmood Hasan Gangohi Rahmatullah Alayh for Islaah and increase in spirituality. Mufti Saheb is the Khalifah of Mufti Mahmood Saheb Gangohi Rahimahullah.In 2011, Mufti Ebrahim Desai Saheb moved to Durban permanently and laid the foundation for Darul Iftaa Mahmudiyyah, Sherwood, Durban. He is currently the Ameer of the Darul Iftaa Mahmudiyyah where students enrol to study the Iftaa course. The Darul Iftaa caters for many facilities under the supervision of Mufti Sahib. Ulama who study under him to become Muftis, qualify from local Darul Ulooms, UK, US, Canada, and many parts of Africa. Many of Mufti Sahebs students have established Darul Iftaas in many parts of the world and have their own fatwa websites that are affiliated to Darul Iftaa Mahmudiyyah. Further information can be accessed at http://www.daruliftaa.net.
POSTS: Current Executive member of KZN Jamiatul Ulama (The Council Of Muslim Theologians) Current Head of the Fatwa Department of KZN Jamiatul Ulama (The Council Of Muslim Theologians) for 25 years. Mufti Saheb was appointed at that position by Moulana Yunus Patel Rahimahullah and Moulana Abdul Haq Omarjee Rahimahullah. Current Head of the Judicial Committee of KZN Jamiatul Ulama (The Council Of Muslim Theologians). Mufti Saheb was a senior lecturer of Hadith at Madrasah In’aamiyyah, Camperdown for 10 years. Mufti Saheb taught Fiqh, Principles of Fiqh, Tafsīr, Hadīth at Madrasah Ta῾leemuddeen, Isipingo Beach, South Africa for 10 years. Senior Teacher at Madrasah Nu῾māniyyah, (Chatsworth, Durban) as well as Madrassah Hamidiyyah. Mufti Saheb has been teaching Bukhari Shareef for over 20 years. Mufti Saheb is the guest of the world-renowned Askimam.org website which serves over 123 countries in the world. The Askimam.org site hosts approximately over 40,000 rulings with approximately 80,000 hits daily. A Sharī῾ah Compliant Business Campaign, which was also initiated by Mufti Saheb in 2002 provides a conference to tackle contemporary business matters in Islamic Commerce and Finance. Official Arbitrator of commercial and marital mediations/arbitrations. Mufti Saheb has extensively travelled viz. United States, Canada, UK, China, Zambia, Malawi, and other countries for almost 15 Years and delivered talks and lectures on various topics in Masājids, Universities, and various institutes and has been included in 500 Most Influential Muslims in the world for many years. Mufti Saheb also holds Majaalis on Islaah and Tasawwuf every Thursday night after Esha Salaah at Masjid-e-Saaliheen, Sherwood. PUBLICATIONS: Mufti Saheb has published numerous articles and kitaabs. He recently compiled Contemporary Fatawa comprising of three volumes and also published a detailed commentary on the Qaseedah Burdah which is available at the Darul Iftaa. Mufti Saheb has also authored two books, “Introduction to Hadīth: A general introduction to Hadīth and its sciences” and Madkhal al-Buyoo’ (Introductions to Islamic Commerce). His fatawa have been compiled in a 2-volume book titled “Al-Mahmood”. Another compilation of his talks at the Shariah Compliant Business Campaign is also available titled “Shariah Compliant Business Campaign”. The latest compilation of contemporary verdicts is also available in 3 volumes titled “Contemporary Fatawa”. Mufti Saheb has been issuing Fatwās in various fields for more than 25 years.
Glad Tidings in a Dream about Shaikh ul Hadeeth Mufti Ebrahim Desai Saheb Rahimahullah. (Aapa Umme Yusuf) The Ahliyah of Moulana Muhammad Ashraf Hansrot Hafizahullah saw Hadhrat Mufti Saheb in a dream Last Night. They were a very lengthy discussion. Mufti Saheb had a lot of Noor on him. There were a lot of Questions and Answers as was the norm with Hadhrat Mufti Saheb Rahimahullahs Majalis. The questioner then asked Hadhrat Mufti Saheb Rahimahullah who is your “Parosi” neighbour in Jannah. Mufti Rahimahullah says that “Woh to Ho Gayaa, Koi Khaas Hai” meaning “That’s done already, It is Someone Very Special” (This was a very unique way of talking where Hadhrat Mufti Saheb Rahimahullah would now and then add Urdu words into his conversation) Then Hadhrat Mufti Saheb Rahimahullah mentions that my neighbour in Jannah is Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. May Allah Ta’ala make this dream a reality and grant this lofty position to our Hadhrat Mufti Ebrahim Desai Saheb Rahimahullah. Ameen Moulana Muhammad Ashraf Saheb and his family had a very long-established Ta’alluq with Hadhrat Mufti Saheb Rahimahullah as Hadhrat Mufti Saheb Rahimahullah would spend the blessed month of Ramadhan in London with them for years and they were all very sad upon the demise and passing away of Hadhrat Mufti Ebrahim Desai Saheb Rahimahullah. This is Allah Ta’alas way of consoling them upon this great loss.
Mawlana Imraan Desai on His Beloved Father Mufti Ibrahim Desai Rahimahullah
My fathers 3 outstanding qualities:
1) Husne Dhann – He used to make excuses for people who had done the worst of things to him & to us children. ‘Maybe this is what happened..’ & make excuses for them. He disliked ugliness between himself & anyone & disliked it for others too. 2) Love for Hadith, Fatawa & anyone in all the different services of Deen. He taught Bukhari Shareef for 30 years & his love for Bukhari Shareef cant be explained in words. Only if you sat in his class, you would know. I was lucky enough to be his student also. 3) Generosity – Many people think of generosity as giving wealth, whilst he felt pity for every single beggar who asked of him, he was generous with his time to the public & his love for his students. Those who know him will recognise & realise this deep, inner generosity he had. Once, he wanted to give to a beggar & he gave a long, sad story. He listened & didn’t interrupt him. I said, he is conning you (referring to the beggar) & he told me that Allah is so merciful & loving, Allah sent the beggar to HIM, so he could deposit some Sadaqah into his Aakhirah. ‘Dont look at WHO you are giving, look at where it is going’ (Your Akhirah) If kindness, love & generosity were to be personified, it would be my father’s smiling face.
