Categories
Current Affairs articles

Contemplations on Covid-19

Lessons and reflections during the lockdown:

  1. Learn to appreciate your family. We might argue with siblings and get annoyed, we might dislike the decisions made by our parents, but there are so many people out there that have lost their parents or they’re distant for whatever reason. During the lockdown, these people realised what a close-knit family means.
  2. We must appreciate our deen – Islam. Many of us received Islam on a plate, we were born in Muslim families, hence we take it for granted. Covid-19 has brought many people closer to Islam, through sickness and health. We all remembered Allah SWT more, whether it was out of fear or thankfulness.
  3. Which brings me on to valuing your health. When we are young we think we will live forever and nothing can harm us. As we get older and our immune system gets weaker, we understand we must appreciate our good health. Especially our mental health is very important. Going for walks regularly and exercising.
  4. Life is the most unpredictable thing, but it is certain. Nobody debates death. In the UK almost 50,000 lives have been lost due to this pandemic. Make the most of your life, live for today, don’t delay good work.
  5. Before the lockdown, we did what we wanted to, when we wanted to, value your freedom. Many countries have a lockdown all-year-round under the dictatorship rule. Value your house and safety and security.
  6. The importance of unity – the virus is not a one-man battle, we are ALL in the same boat and we ALL need to work together to overcome it. Let’s stop discriminating some communities and blaming them for the spread of the virus.
  7. Charities have been great during the lockdown, hats off to all the churches and mosques who opened their doors to help the vulnerable. Many who lost their jobs were in need of basic food parcels, we must learn to appreciate the little things in life.
  8. Everyone had more time, kids were at home with online school and Madrasah. Parents were WFH and Masjids were closed so we were praying at home. This all meant we had more free time: to waste or to value? Your time is your life, value every minute, rather every second.
  9. If you still have a job, be thankful. Most of us get bored or fed up of the 9-5 system and feel it’s’ a burden. Thousands of people have lost their jobs and are struggling financially. Be grateful and say, Alhumdu Lillah for your income; little or large! You have a roof over your head… Ma Sha Allah!
  10. Be a ray of sunshine – it doesn’t take much to brighten someone’s day.

Ismail ibn Nazir Satia (one who is in dire need of Allah’s forgiveness, mercy and pleasure)

10th Dhul Hijjah 1441

Categories
Marriage

Anger with Spouse

img_20170704_002003https://inheritorsofquran.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/10_58.png?w=510&h=85

Amazing Dua of Rasulullah Sallallahu  alayhi wasallam for love and unity:
A senior Alim from the UK relates:
On a recent trip to Saharanpur, we were fortunate to meet Hadhrat Mawlana Aaqil Sahib (Damat Barakatuhum), a great Muhaddith of India, and the son in law of Sheikhul Hadeeth, Hadhrat Mawlana Muhammad Zakariyya Kandhalvi (RA).
Whilst sitting with him, he taught us this beautiful dua and mentioned to us that Allah Ta’ala has put a great effect on it.
People who are not getting along very well with friends and relatives, couples who are fighting and arguing regularly should read this dua in abundance.
He mentioned that one particular Alim had fallen into some family feuds and a result was suffering much worry and grief. After reciting this dua several times, he was relieved of this grief.
Hadhrat Mawlana also mentioned that once he was in Madinah Munawwarah and a woman met his family in the Haram Shareef at the time of Maghrib. She complained about her relationship with her husband saying that he had become very cold towards her on this journey and was not speaking to her at all. Hadhrat Mawlana’s respected family taught her this dua and encouraged her to recite it regularly.
The next morning at the time of Fajr when she met her again, this woman could not stop thanking her for saying that her husband’s entire mood has changed and he has become much warmer towards her!
By reciting this dua abundantly, In sha Allah the hearts will be united:
اَللّٰهُمَّ اَلِّفْ بَيْنَ قُلُوْبِنَا، وَأَصْلِحْ ذَاتَ بَيْنِنا، وَاهْدِنَا سُبُلَ السَّلاَمِ، وَنَجِّنَا مِنَ الظُّلُمَاتِ إِلَى النُّوْر
وَجَنِّبْنَا الْفَوَاحِشَ مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَمَا بَطَنَ
وَبَارِكْ لَنَا فِىْ أَسْمَاعِنَا، وَأَبْصَارِنَا وَقُلُوْبِنَا،وَأَزْوَاجِنَا،وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا
وَتُبْ عَلَيْنَآ اِنَّكَ أَنْتَ التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيْم
O Allah! Put affection amongst our hearts,
Set right our matters between ourselves,
Guide us to the ways of peace,
Take us away from darkness towards Noor (light),
Save us from all kinds of indecency, the apparent as well as the hidden,
and Bless our hearing,
our seeing,
our hearts,
our spouses and
our children,
and Turn in Mercy upon us.
Indeed You are The One who greatly Accepts repentance,
One Who is repeatedly Merciful.
(Al-Hakim)

 

Categories
Dhulm/Oppression

Denial and Delusion: he’s not abusive…is he?

https://openceilings.wordpress.com/2015/09/06/denial-and-delusion-hes-not-abusiveis-he/

I was married to a man who everybody, including myself, believed to be a gentleman. From university classmates, to university teachers, family friends, acquaintances in religious gatherings and the workplace – they all viewed this man as having a soft nature. Nobody could ever imagine him raising his voice, let alone raising his hands. But you know, as they say, things aren’t always as they seem.

Shortly into our marriage, the smoke screen slowly started disappearing. Slowly, the silhouette of a new figure began to appear and I stood there confused, squinching and anxiously guessing at what would emerge from the other side. It was frightening but I often talked myself out of my fears and uncertainties. He was the prince in shining armour and I must’ve not been seeing right…my mind must’ve been lying. And thus began the muddled conversations in my head…

Am I just exaggerating? I do admit; it is my fault, for I am so delusional. How can I think of him that way? Yeah, I am a liar. I’m being negative, definitely.

I mean, sure, he almost crushed my neck, but it was my wrongdoing. I was being too hardheaded, not submissive enough. The insults against my parents? What? Come on now, that’s just overstating things. Mocking and calling names do not necessarily mean that one’s being insulting. I need to learn to smile more and take jokes. He called me stupid, dumb and said my intelligence was less than that of a 6-year old – so what?  Lighten up.

No no, I wasn’t being put down; he was trying to compare me to other women so I can enhance myself and become a more pleasant spouse; what’s wrong with that? He’s not selfish or controlling. I shouldn’t feel devalued by him talking about other women, getting text messages from other women, hiding his phone, and intentionally talking to them right in front of me, whilst paying no attention to me outside or inside the home. I suppose other women, his video game addiction, gadgets and phone are all greater in value compared to me.  I shouldn’t feel belittled and ignored though. After all, he says I am his wife and his only love.

I need to get a grip. I need to wake up and realise that I’m not seeing right. I must be paranoid to think that he makes me feel worthless by forcing me out of my comfort zone and enslaving me to his desires. I shouldn’t feel degraded to think that I am a sex machine…stick a coin and my body will adjust to yours, don’t worry about the pain, don’t worry about my tears, don’t worry about me begging you to stop. Just keep going as you desire until my skin tears and my blood flows heavier than my tears. But it’s okay, because to you, that is what my marriage contract implies, right? That you now legally own the mind, body, heart, soul of your wife – it’s sort of like a financial deal, except it’s a one way transaction, right?

But hang on, slow down, mind. Rape doesn’t exist in marriages; you’re married and have a duty to fulfill his desires. It’s okay if he raises his voice and hands at you, he’ll just prove he loves you by pinning you down and forcing himself on you. Then in the aftermath, you’ll lay there feeling violated and objectified.

There’s something I’m not doing right. I may have triggered him to almost crush my hands and have him kick me out at 11pm. But look at the bright side, he publicly ridiculed me, grabbed my hand, forced me to go back home with him and be silent about everything, because he wants me to stay with him. It is not a form of imprisonment and definitely not a reason to feel insecure or trapped.  It’s good; he’s protecting our relationship from going downhill. He wants me to come back because he loves me and cares for me…right? My ribs almost crushed, but he immediately assured me into believing that “nothing happened” and to “stop making up and exaggerating things.”

Sounds of depression and suicide are playing in my mind. The next car on the road…I’ll try to walk in front of it. No, for real, I have to get back to my senses. He says he cares about me, loves me and that he’s nothing without me.

Categories
Dhulm/Oppression

Domestic Violence

In the short clip below, a couple (portrayed by actors) are walking through a London park and begin to argue. In the first scenario, the argument becomes increasingly intense, until the man starts to manhandle the woman. Almost immediately, bystanders intervene, firmly, threatening to call the police. In the second scenario, the argument again becomes increasingly intense but, this time, the woman takes to abusing the man, including grabbing him by the head and pushing him into a lamppost.  This time, the bystanders, well they just stand by, and even laugh at what they are witnessing.

40% of domestic violence is suffered by men. And these are obviously the cases that are reported, bearing in mind a lot of men keep it to themselves. They don’t like to talk about it. So the unreported cases must be many more, possibly making it more than 50%?

Violence is violence! Men shouldn’t suffer in silence!

This video highlights the deeply troubling double standard that society holds when it comes to domestic abuse – women, when victims, must be helped; men, when victims – well, they’re never really victims.

Relationships between men and women should be governed by covenants of mutual agreement and justice; no human being should be abused or humiliated by their spouse, regardless of gender. Domestic abuse, it goes without saying, is a degrading, painful, and traumatising experience – and it happens to men, too. Any cause for justice that is truly seeking remedy for victims of domestic abuse, and who seek prevention of this social ailment, must acknowledge that domestic abuse is not a gender-based problem and thus doesnot require a gender-based solution (such as feminism). Here are a few necessary myth busters that explain why.

Myth 1: “Domestic abuse is a thing men do to women”

Because the matter of ‘domestic abuse’ has largely been monopolised by women’s rights groups and feminists, it is almost always presumed that the victim is female.

Reality: more married men suffered from partner abuse in 2012 than married women (Source: British Crime Survey).
Reality: (at least) 40% of the victims of domestic violence are actually men (Source: Office for National Statistics).
Reality: in the US, an earlier study found that, in non-reciprocally violent relationships, women were the perpetrators in more than 70% of the cases (Source: American Journal of Public Health).

Yet, citing the reality that women strike almost just as much as men (sometimes more) is often met with outraged indignation from many quarters of society, including some feminists, as though acknowledging male victims’ injuries somehow invalidates a female victim’s injuries.

And if we put aside heterosexual couples, and look at domestic abuse between same-sex couples, we find yet another surprisingreality: amongst same-sex couples, lesbian couples experienced more domestic abuse than gay men!

According to findings by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC)[1], 44% of lesbians had been physically assaulted by a partner (more than two-thirds of them (i.e. 29%) only by women), compared to 35% of straight women, 26% of gay men, and 29% of straight men

One can only conclude that such feminists, and others who defend the above myth, have a stake in portraying the male as always being the aggressor, and the female as always being the victim, in order to perpetuate a bias against men that garners sympathy, license, and defences for women, and zero tolerance for men.

Myth 2: “Women cannot hurt men”

Some claim that the bystanders in the video laugh at the man’s predicament because he is physically stronger than the woman anyway so she cannot really hurt him, and he has the power to defend himself against her.

Reality: women can be just as hurtful as men. Whilst men have more physical power than women, female assailants are perfectly able to inflict physical harm on men (especially with use of objects), and also have far more psychological and legal power to silence them afterward.

The ManKind Initiative reported cases where men “have been laid out with iron bars, had glass put in their food and been set upon with a knife. Others have been stabbed, punched in the face and threatened with an axe.” Parity, another organisation, details that, from a sample of male victims, “[o]ver half had been threatened with a weapon and a significant proportion reported serious forms of injury. One third had been kicked in the genitals, and others burnt or scalded, stabbed, or hit with heavy objects.” Ergo, women can hurt men.

Not only this, but male victims were less likely than women to report what had happened to them. When they did, they were met with widespread prejudice or discrimination by the authorities, even the courts. Little action was taken by the police against female assailants unless the men had a visible and significant injury.

Parity further explained that “[z]ero tolerance and pro-arrest policies appeared to be directed mainly at men and offered little protection to genuine male victims and their children. […] A male victim appeared to be over twice as likely as a female assailant of being arrested when the police responded to an emergency call.” Approximately a fifth of male victims were themselves arrested.

So, not only can women hurt men, but they can even have their victim arrested when the police turn up – just because he is a man.

Myth 3: “”Gender Equality” will bring about harmony between men and women”

Movements like feminism that advocate “gender equality” seek to equalise the rights of men and women, so that women have the same “entitlements” as men do, putting them on a “level field” with men.

Reality: in the wake of feminism, and striving to become “equal” to men, patterns show that women are becoming increasingly violent. It was reported in The Independent, that female violent crime once rose by 12% in the space of only 5 years – that was four times the rate of increase among men. Offences involving women carrying out assault, robbery, murder and drug-related crimes had also increased by 250% since 1973. It was later reported that, by 2011, official figures showed that the number of women convicted of perpetrating domestic abuse had quadrupled in the past six years, from 806 in 2004-2005 to 3,494 in 2009-2010.

Movements like feminism that advocate “gender equality” seek to equalise the rights of men and women, so that women have the same “entitlements” as men do – but they do not always seek to equalise the responsibilities that justify having those entitlements in the first place.

When women are only seeking to obtain all of the “entitlements” that they perceive men to have, without the tempering responsibilities, they end up perpetrating the same injustices that they accuse men of perpetrating because it simply ends up being a wielding of power for its own sake.

In Islam, a woman is entitled to be provided for – but she has a matching duty to guard her husband’s property and is accountable for the actions and raising of the children; conversely, a husband is entitled to be the “head” of the household – but he is accountable for the wellbeing, and the actions of his wife and children. Thus, in current Muslim societies where “entitlements” are indulged in without the tempering duties being implemented, injustices such as domestic abuse occur.

In Western society, where neither men nor women tend to hold certainty or agreement as to what values to live by, frustration and anarchy between men and women is inevitable. Women can spend centuries trying to “equalise” with men – but they have not asked whether men’s entitlements represent correct values in the first place.

It is not “gender equality” that will bring about harmony between men and women in any society – but a clear understanding and agreement between a man and a woman as to what they expect from each other, and recourse to justice that does not disbelieve or mock at the injuries of either party, when those expectations are not fulfilled.

Footnotes:

[1] See: http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/cdc_nisvs_ipv_report_2013_v17_single_a.pdf table 3.4 and 3.5, and http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_SOfindings.pdf at p.27