Tag: mother

Categories
Marriage

Advice To Daughter-In-Laws

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1. Honour your in-laws as your own parents. Remember, it is through them that you received the wonderful man who is now your life partner.

2. Avoid comparisons. Do not compare them to your own parents in a way that makes your spouse feel his parents are inadequate.

3. Appreciate their gifts. Whatever they give, accept it with gratitude and never pass unkind remarks.

4. Speak well of them. Praise them in front of your husband, family, and friends. Even if love for them has not yet taken root, this habit will slowly cultivate genuine affection in your heart.

5. Acknowledge their humanity. Your in-laws are also human beings with faults and shortcomings. Just as you would never abandon your own parents because of their flaws, do not expect perfection from your husband’s parents. Overlook their faults, and Allah ﷻ will, in turn, conceal yours on the Day of Judgement.

6. Lower your expectations. This sacred bond is not only a major adjustment for you, but also for them. Their beloved son is no longer exclusively theirs; he now belongs to you as well. This new phase requires patience, understanding, and the willingness to share.

7. Treat them with respect. Even a single harsh word can leave behind a lasting scar and create a permanent rift.

8. Be grateful, not jealous. When your children show love to their grandparents, cherish it. Do not deprive them of this bond out of jealousy. Reflect on the point that would you be happy if your brother’s wife prevented your parents from receiving love from their grandchildren?

9. Make them feel welcome. When your in-laws visit, do everything you can to make them feel comfortable and at ease. Likewise, when you visit them, assist and help out as much as possible so that your presence brings them happiness.

10. Honor your mother-in-law. Regard her instructions as you would those of your own mother. Give priority to pleasing her, even if she at times treats you unfairly. Always speak to her with respect, never as you would to an equal. If she scolds you, remain silent with patience, and never respond with harshness.

11. Guard your children’s hearts. Never speak negatively about your in-laws in front of your children. If they overstep their boundaries, address the matter privately with your husband.

12. Do not burden your husband. Never drag him into an argument between you and your mother-in-law, as this places him in a very difficult position. If you have an issue, raise it directly with her in a respectful and dignified manner. With maturity and patience, many problems can be resolved amicably.

13. Be a giver, not a demander. Do not constantly insist on your own rights being fulfilled. Instead, focus on fulfilling the rights of others. When you adopt this attitude of selflessness, you will find that those around you will naturally begin to fulfill your rights without you demanding them.

14. Honour your in-laws with service. If your in-laws have no one else to live with, willingly offer them a place in your home especially after the passing of your father-in-law. Serving them is not a burden, but an honor that elevates you in the Hereafter, for service to creation draws you closer to Allāh Himself. Never force your husband into choosing between you and his mother; such selfishness destroys harmony. Remember, what you do will return to you. One day, you too will grow old and need care. Nabi ﷺ said: _“It is part of honoring Allāh to honor a grey-haired Muslim, and to honor the one who bears the Qur’ān (without exceeding its limits), and to honor a just ruler.”_(Sunan Abī Dāwūd)

15. Respond with patience and prayer. If your in-laws treat you unfairly, first turn to Allāh in du’ā. Then speak to your husband politely and inform him of the situation. Learn to forgive and let go of grudges. Rasūlullāh ﷺ said: _“Allāh elevates the status of one who forgives. Whoever humbles himself for Allāh, Allāh will raise him.” (Sunanut Tirmidhī)

16. Encourage family ties. Always motivate your husband to maintain good relations with his family, especially parents, brothers, and sisters. Many estrangements occur after becoming spouses due to stories or complaints conveyed by wives. Treat all elders respectfully, like the wives of your husband’s elder brothers. For younger relatives, be kind, loving, and assist them as much as possible in their work.

Categories
Muslim women

Happy Mother’s Day…NOT!

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
mom
بسم الله الرحمن 
الرحيم
Each month yet I hold out hope,
Although as time goes on it gets harder to cope.
I’m more than conscious of my biological clock ticking away,
Without receiving a message from yet another friend to say.
They’re expecting and will be joining the exclusive motherhood club soon,
Don’t get me wrong for them I am over the moon.
My tears are for myself, struggling to deal with the idiots who pry,
Asking if it’s my fault or his and why!
Followed by unhelpful comments like ‘you can have one of mine’,
Or ‘just relax it’ll happen’ or to ‘God’s will just resign’.
I’m well aware thanks – that it will happen if it’s meant to be,
And no it’s not as simple as IVF or adoption just to get a mini-me.
The journey to motherhood for some like me is a roller coaster ride,
And days like Mother’s Day… all I want to do is hide.
And yes of all the things that I have- I should be grateful for I know,
But that doesn’t always help to ease the pain that’s for sure.
So this Mother’s Day when you are celebrating,
Spare a thought for those of us who are still waiting.
To one day be a part of the exclusive “motherhood club,”
And in the meantime with the ‘you don’t have kids so you wouldn’t understand’ line do not snub!
Muslim Sister (Allah grant her mercy and forgiveness)
Categories
Muslim women

Dear Mother: Why the double standards?

Written by Nadira Chhipa
dhikr-4
Dear mother, when you shout for Safiyyah to help you cook and set the dinner table please remember to call Ridhwan to assist you aswel. How is he going to learn to serve himself if you have been serving him for two decades?
Dear mother,  when you scream at Fatima for not making her bed or for throwing her wet towel on her bedroom floor please remember that 5 minutes ago you were waiting for Suhail to wake up so you could clean his room which looked like a tornado hit it. How is he going to learn to tidy up his personal space if you keep doing it for him?
Dear mother, when you check Halimahs phone as you have become suspicious of her spending too much time texting please remember to also ask Idrees to hand his phone over for you to examine. Why is he allowed to be on his phone 24/7 without you becoming suspicious?
Dear mother, when Amina hands over her report card to you and your face saddens with disappointment as she scored two Bs please  look closely at Ahmeds report card as he did not even achieve a single A, yet he was congratulated for passing. How would he improve if you do not encourage him to do better?
Dear mother, when you angrily question  Habiba for arriving at home five minutes late from campus please give Hameeed a call and ask him why is he two hours late. How would he learn to respect and value boundaries if you do not set any for him?
Dear mother, when you yell at Aliya for not attending family functions with you please ask Ali to accompany you to the next family gathering as well. How would he recognise and socialise with your family if he is allowed to stay at home alone all the time?
Dear mother, when you advise Faheema about her duties at home after marriage, her responsibilities as well her loyalties after Nikah,  towards her husband and his family please give Faraz the same advice.  How will he know how to assist his wife, respect his in laws, be a responsible husband, father and son in law if you do not advise him?
Dear mother, when you reprimand Hannah for raising her voice or back chatting when she is angry please do not ignore Hamzah’s disrespectful behaviour and anger control issues. How would he learn to control his anger, be gentle, kind and caring if you do not acknowledge his faults?
Dear mother, when you speak to Naeema about Zina, sexual abuse, rape, physical abuse, emotional abuse, relationships, drugs, bad influences as well as indulgences please do have that talk with Khalid. How would he learn to respect a woman’s body, mind and soul if you do not teach him. How would he learn to protect himself from evil if you do not teach him?
Dear mother, when you remind Raeesa to read her salah, fast in Ramadhan, cover her body, recite the Quran and Hadith please remind Muhammad to do the same. How would he become an asset to you as well as the Ummah if you do not inculcate the love for Islam in his heart?
Dear mother, remember the boy have been blessed with from Allah is your son today, a student of life tomorrow, a wonderful husband to a beautiful lady and an amazing father to your grandchildren in the future. Insha-Allah. Raise your sons to be independent and efficient, do not make your sons so dependent on you that they find themselves unable to cook, clean or take care of their daily chores without assistance. The Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W), mercy upon mankind yet he did his own chores. Why are we following a tradition and culture that cripples men by not allowing them to serve themselves. Today there are some men who will not even eat if their food is not cooked, served and dished out to them  into their plates. This is a sad reality of generation of boys who feel entitled to everything being done for them by the females of their household. This is a sad reason for the breakdown of many marriages as the husband  expects to be served by his wife just as he  was served all his life by his mother and sisters.
Dear mother, let us change this mindset, let us raise respectful, responsible , successful, understanding, caring, loyal, humble and kind men who will be a means of comfort, peace, happiness. Ameen.
Dear mother, do not set double standards as this will cause chaos and destruction in your home.
Dear mother, we have the best example, let us raise our sons in accordance with the beautiful Sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W).
Dear mother, let us raise good men.
May Allah bless us mothers with strength, love, wisdom, patience and understanding always -Ameen.
Nadira Chhipa
1 Rabiul Awwal 1439