Diary of a Possessed Sister

Today, I would like to speak about an issue, something which has affected me for years. It changed my life and I was oblivious to it for years. I feel brothers and sisters need to speak out about the issue, so it can help others who are suffering silently. More importantly, it is mentioned in Qur’an and Hadith but I see the Ulama, the scholars of Haqq are also silent and turning a blind eye to it. So I am going to start with the scholars who I am angry and upset at, never have I heard one talk in my Masjid, not on Jum’uah and not in Ramadhan on the topic… Black magic. I ask why? And I have the right to ask, do I not? This is no longer just a Bengali issue! I am Deobandi, Hanafi, Gujarati, studied in Madrasah as well. Is it because your wives and daughters are not affected? Because YOU haven’t experienced it in your family? Some scholars are in total disbelief, “it’s just in your head”, “mental illness!”, “Everyone has problems in life”. We don’t disagree,  mental health issues exist AND SO DOES BLACK MAGIC! IS Diabetes just in the head? Is Cancer just in the head? Other people have problems, marriage or job related, this does not mean Black Magic doesn’t exist. I’m sorry they’re insufficient proofs. Nobody said all problems in life are caused by Black Magic, but those of you who completely write off Black Magic are wrong as well. You no longer need to go to Pakistan or India to find Magicians and Witches, it’s all happening here in the UK. In our backyards. . .

Those who suffer from Black Magic and Jinn possession are living two totally different lives… yes! They have split personalities. One minute they are normal and the next minute they are going ballistic! People just assume they are bad-mannered or have a disorder. Many sisters like myself are labelled bad wives and sometimes bad mothers. I won’t even go into how mothers-in-law treat us, with no sympathy and understanding DESPITE KNOWING. People assume if you are not sectioned into a mental institute or not actively trying to commit physical self-harm, then you are “okay”.

The psychological trauma we go through, the grief, the depression, anxiety, phobias, Waswasah, and doubts… on your partner your family and close ones! Not forgetting the doubts we have about Allah and Iman! But all of this is brushed to the side, which just escalates for matters for us.

We want to seek guidance from Ulama, but they say nothing except, “it’s all in your head!” La Hawla Wa Laa Quwwata Illa Billah…

Or was it just in His head SAW? …for six months He SAW was affected and He SAW never knew, He SAW found out later.

Are you unaware the most popular type of Black Magic is separating the husband and wife… read Surah baqarah: “From them  (Harut and Marut) they learned how they might divide a man and his wife.” (2:102)

Aside from that, the suicidal feelings, the self-harm, and nightmares we have on a daily basis. This is why I believe that Black Magic is far worse than cancer, diabetes, or TB! People, please understand what I’m saying! With these illnesses, you may lose your health, your teeth, lose weight, or other parts of your body and it becomes ‘apparent.’ Our suffering is all internal and we are ashamed to tell anyone. Why? Generally, people are judgmental as it is. “He can’t get married!” “She can’t have children!” What would they say if they knew we were possessed or a victim of Black Magic?!

Have you noticed how if we don’t display very obvious physical signs of illness or at least obvious signs of mental illness then, people assume- it’s not that bad?

This really pained me at my worst times 🙁 I sincerely felt like I had to explain myself constantly that no, just because it’s not so obvious, it is STILL extremely distressing, painful, and debilitating.

NB: I would like to clarify one question which many sisters ask me, brothers may also be confused about it too…

QUESTION: We pray Manzil (dua book) regularly, we pray Hizbul Azam weekly, and our morning and evening Duas daily. Can we still be affected by Black Magic or Evil Eye?

ANSWER: All of the above are brilliant for general protection and we MUST do all of them and much more! But one can still be affected by Jinn or Black Magic or Evil Eye. The simple explanation for this is, the Prophet Alayhis Salam was also affected by Sihr. Who is more punctual on Azkar and Dua than Him Alayhi Salam? But he was still affected. Some people further ask, what is the benefit of reading all these Duas then? The benefit is the harm of Sihr/Jadoo will not be as great. I have always read Manzil- Alhumdu Lillah! When I was told about Sihr on me, it was said it only affected me 70%. Because of the protection, I was doing. So please do read the Wazeefahs you are doing, carry on. But once you have been affected by Jinn or Sihr you will need specific treatment, please contact a Shaykh.

I will leave links here for you all for Dua books:

Fatemah bint Sulayman, UK, (your sister in Islam).

20 Dhul Qa’dah 1438