Author: Ismail ibn Nazir Satia

I'm for the truth no matter who tells it. I'm for justice no matter who it is for or against. I'm a human being first and foremost and for whoever benefits humanity...

Categories
Muslim men

The Cancer next to the Masjid

Brother Ibrahim Khan – 1st Ethical

In every Muslim community there are two permanent fixtures wherever you go in the UK. You can go to the London heartlands, the Blackburn hills, the Bolton vales, Manchester, Leicester, Glasgow, Birmingham – everywhere you will find these fixtures. The first one is of course the Masjid. In nearly every street we have a Masjid, thriving and full of people who come to pray and children who come to study. In a way, the flourishing of this Islamic community makes the second fixture all the odder. In nearly every Muslim neighbourhood, sometimes right next to the Masjid, we will find the second fixture, a gambling shop.

Gambling has unfortunately become an acceptable practise in Muslim society due to its wide-scale promotion by the media. A large number of good Muslims are also caught in the web, not realising that they are gambling and that the earnings from the gambling are haraam.

In the early days of Islam the Prophet (PBUH) was questioned regarding the permissibility of gambling and alcohol. The first verse that was revealed regarding this is in Surah Baqarah:

“They ask thee concerning wine and gambling. Say, ‘In them is great sin and some benefit for men; but the sin is greater than the benefit.” (Qur’aan 2:19)

Nowadays, just like the epidemic of plague, the disease of gambling too has now become so common that it has become virtually a means of trade and commerce.  Thousands and millions of Muslim openly go against the clear order of Allah and his Holy Prophet (PBUH). Thousands and millions of Muslims become involved in this act of gambling with the result that it becomes an unending and everlasting vice.

How bizarre it is to see old men in their topis go to the Maghrib prayer, drop off their grandchildren to the madrasah, and then head next door to bet on the horses. And yet this is happening every single day all over the UK in our communities. People do no bat an eyelid when a Muslim buys lottery tickets in the shop; no one comments when they see a used scratch-card thrown on the pavement. We have become almost immune to the evil of this activity even though we see signs of it daily all around us.

Three things are going wrong here. Firstly, the masjid and the madrasah is failing in its purpose to warn its congregation of the ills of this activity. They may be encouraging people to pray, but they need to go much beyond that. Lut (as) did not go to his nation and preach to them to start praying. No, he tackled the problem of his people head-on.

Secondly, people do not have the basic Islamic education to know that what they are doing is haram. This is because financial Islamic education is nearly always neglected in every community and as a result we have 5-times praying bearded Muslims who deal in interest, sell alcohol, and gamble on the weekend.

Thirdly, our eman is weak. For many of the gambling Muslims out there they do in fact know that what they are doing is wrong. But unfortunately we lack the attachment to our deen that comes from basing our beliefs on firm reasons and logic rather than for cultural and social reasons. All three of these reasons must be remedied through education, the effective delivery of education, and the right kind of education.

And this education is sorely needed as the severity of this sin is such that if one was to suggest another to gamble, he would have to give away some sadaqah. The Prophet (PBUH) said:

“Whoever says to his companion, ‘Come, I will play you for stakes,’ must expiate by giving charity.” [Sahih Bukhari]

Hence we should repents sincerely to Allah if we have played any sort of gambling games such as lottery, scratch cards, roulette and raffles etc. And if we ever made some gains then we would purify our wealth by giving away an equivalent amount in charity.

May Allah Ta’ala bestow the entire mankind with salvation and freedom from this disease!

Categories
Dhulm/Oppression

Domestic Violence

In the short clip below, a couple (portrayed by actors) are walking through a London park and begin to argue. In the first scenario, the argument becomes increasingly intense, until the man starts to manhandle the woman. Almost immediately, bystanders intervene, firmly, threatening to call the police. In the second scenario, the argument again becomes increasingly intense but, this time, the woman takes to abusing the man, including grabbing him by the head and pushing him into a lamppost.  This time, the bystanders, well they just stand by, and even laugh at what they are witnessing.

40% of domestic violence is suffered by men. And these are obviously the cases that are reported, bearing in mind a lot of men keep it to themselves. They don’t like to talk about it. So the unreported cases must be many more, possibly making it more than 50%?

Violence is violence! Men shouldn’t suffer in silence!

This video highlights the deeply troubling double standard that society holds when it comes to domestic abuse – women, when victims, must be helped; men, when victims – well, they’re never really victims.

Relationships between men and women should be governed by covenants of mutual agreement and justice; no human being should be abused or humiliated by their spouse, regardless of gender. Domestic abuse, it goes without saying, is a degrading, painful, and traumatising experience – and it happens to men, too. Any cause for justice that is truly seeking remedy for victims of domestic abuse, and who seek prevention of this social ailment, must acknowledge that domestic abuse is not a gender-based problem and thus doesnot require a gender-based solution (such as feminism). Here are a few necessary myth busters that explain why.

Myth 1: “Domestic abuse is a thing men do to women”

Because the matter of ‘domestic abuse’ has largely been monopolised by women’s rights groups and feminists, it is almost always presumed that the victim is female.

Reality: more married men suffered from partner abuse in 2012 than married women (Source: British Crime Survey).
Reality: (at least) 40% of the victims of domestic violence are actually men (Source: Office for National Statistics).
Reality: in the US, an earlier study found that, in non-reciprocally violent relationships, women were the perpetrators in more than 70% of the cases (Source: American Journal of Public Health).

Yet, citing the reality that women strike almost just as much as men (sometimes more) is often met with outraged indignation from many quarters of society, including some feminists, as though acknowledging male victims’ injuries somehow invalidates a female victim’s injuries.

And if we put aside heterosexual couples, and look at domestic abuse between same-sex couples, we find yet another surprisingreality: amongst same-sex couples, lesbian couples experienced more domestic abuse than gay men!

According to findings by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC)[1], 44% of lesbians had been physically assaulted by a partner (more than two-thirds of them (i.e. 29%) only by women), compared to 35% of straight women, 26% of gay men, and 29% of straight men

One can only conclude that such feminists, and others who defend the above myth, have a stake in portraying the male as always being the aggressor, and the female as always being the victim, in order to perpetuate a bias against men that garners sympathy, license, and defences for women, and zero tolerance for men.

Myth 2: “Women cannot hurt men”

Some claim that the bystanders in the video laugh at the man’s predicament because he is physically stronger than the woman anyway so she cannot really hurt him, and he has the power to defend himself against her.

Reality: women can be just as hurtful as men. Whilst men have more physical power than women, female assailants are perfectly able to inflict physical harm on men (especially with use of objects), and also have far more psychological and legal power to silence them afterward.

The ManKind Initiative reported cases where men “have been laid out with iron bars, had glass put in their food and been set upon with a knife. Others have been stabbed, punched in the face and threatened with an axe.” Parity, another organisation, details that, from a sample of male victims, “[o]ver half had been threatened with a weapon and a significant proportion reported serious forms of injury. One third had been kicked in the genitals, and others burnt or scalded, stabbed, or hit with heavy objects.” Ergo, women can hurt men.

Not only this, but male victims were less likely than women to report what had happened to them. When they did, they were met with widespread prejudice or discrimination by the authorities, even the courts. Little action was taken by the police against female assailants unless the men had a visible and significant injury.

Parity further explained that “[z]ero tolerance and pro-arrest policies appeared to be directed mainly at men and offered little protection to genuine male victims and their children. […] A male victim appeared to be over twice as likely as a female assailant of being arrested when the police responded to an emergency call.” Approximately a fifth of male victims were themselves arrested.

So, not only can women hurt men, but they can even have their victim arrested when the police turn up – just because he is a man.

Myth 3: “”Gender Equality” will bring about harmony between men and women”

Movements like feminism that advocate “gender equality” seek to equalise the rights of men and women, so that women have the same “entitlements” as men do, putting them on a “level field” with men.

Reality: in the wake of feminism, and striving to become “equal” to men, patterns show that women are becoming increasingly violent. It was reported in The Independent, that female violent crime once rose by 12% in the space of only 5 years – that was four times the rate of increase among men. Offences involving women carrying out assault, robbery, murder and drug-related crimes had also increased by 250% since 1973. It was later reported that, by 2011, official figures showed that the number of women convicted of perpetrating domestic abuse had quadrupled in the past six years, from 806 in 2004-2005 to 3,494 in 2009-2010.

Movements like feminism that advocate “gender equality” seek to equalise the rights of men and women, so that women have the same “entitlements” as men do – but they do not always seek to equalise the responsibilities that justify having those entitlements in the first place.

When women are only seeking to obtain all of the “entitlements” that they perceive men to have, without the tempering responsibilities, they end up perpetrating the same injustices that they accuse men of perpetrating because it simply ends up being a wielding of power for its own sake.

In Islam, a woman is entitled to be provided for – but she has a matching duty to guard her husband’s property and is accountable for the actions and raising of the children; conversely, a husband is entitled to be the “head” of the household – but he is accountable for the wellbeing, and the actions of his wife and children. Thus, in current Muslim societies where “entitlements” are indulged in without the tempering duties being implemented, injustices such as domestic abuse occur.

In Western society, where neither men nor women tend to hold certainty or agreement as to what values to live by, frustration and anarchy between men and women is inevitable. Women can spend centuries trying to “equalise” with men – but they have not asked whether men’s entitlements represent correct values in the first place.

It is not “gender equality” that will bring about harmony between men and women in any society – but a clear understanding and agreement between a man and a woman as to what they expect from each other, and recourse to justice that does not disbelieve or mock at the injuries of either party, when those expectations are not fulfilled.

Footnotes:

[1] See: http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/cdc_nisvs_ipv_report_2013_v17_single_a.pdf table 3.4 and 3.5, and http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_SOfindings.pdf at p.27

Categories
Muslim women

Secret Teacher: the working culture in teaching is impossible for mums

Courtesy of: http://www.theguardian.com/teacher-network/2015/jul/25/secret-teacher-working-culture-teaching-impossible-for-mums?CMP=new_1194&CMP=

Imagine the scene. I’m racing down the motorway, pedal to the metal, desperately trying to get to my daughter’s school. I’m running half an hour late for one of the most important events in the school calendar: parents’ evening. When I finally arrive, I pat myself down to try and look presentable, before scrambling into a seat next to my husband. I mouth “sorry” as I join the meeting, which is already in full flow.

In recent months I have been absent from countless events – from my children’s football matches to their school plays. The reason is ironic: it’s because I am a teacher. I struggle to find time to spend with my family because of the 12-hour days I am expected to work. My students get every bit of me and I would never want to give any less – but it seems unfair that my own children have to suffer.

It’s all the usual things that are tying me down: data and tracking progress, endless marking, pressure to prepare for Ofsted and proving that my pupils are working at the right level. But it’s not just the workload that makes it impossible for me to be there for my children. My main gripe is that there’s no flexibility about when my work gets done. There is a culture of staying until all hours, which means I can’t pick my children up from school or make them dinner. I am happy to do the work, but it doesn’t seem like a massive ask to leave on time every now and then, and finish bits off at home.

When I do occasionally leave early, the judgmental eyes of the senior leadership team look down on me. I left at 5.30pm one day to pick up my son from school because my husband was away and my mum was poorly. I had already spent hours planning lessons that I knew were good, but the fact that I wasn’t floating around the corridors until midnight just wasn’t acceptable. Comments were made. “Oh, you’re leaving early,” one colleague said. In the staff meeting the next morning, praise was showered on those who had worked late the night before.

Then there are the events that teachers are expected to attend, which also rob me of valuable family time. I am forced to go to staff meetings and curriculum evenings even when they aren’t related to my subject; sometimes I feel like a showpiece, there to be displayed to parents regardless of whether I’m needed or not.

All this means I am forced to compromise on the time I spend with my children. They don’t complain any more when I miss their school events, they just get a disappointed look on their faces. I feel I am shortchanging them. I am tired of giving excuses and I’m sure they are tired of hearing them.

I believe it is possible to be a good teacher and a mother. All we need is the support of schools and managers, and for them to allow us the flexibility we need. It’s about how we are allowed to manage our work. There shouldn’t be this pressure to be tied to our desks; staying later doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re working any harder. Managers need to understand that parents have their own children to care for – so what if we don’t stay late? We can work at other times.

It’s because of this lack of support that I’ve had to make the tough decision to leave teaching this year. I have little choice but to go for the sake of my family. I don’t know what I am going to do next – I need to spend the summer thinking about how I can use my skills in a role that will be more flexible. It’s a big step and one that I hadn’t anticipated making, but it’s got to the point where something has to change. My children are nine and 12, and I want to capture these last moments of them growing up.

Every day is a balancing act for mums in any profession and I guess we’ve all got to get used to that. But I worry about the future of education – I fear that this ridiculous working culture is making teaching unworkable for mums.

Categories
Miscellaneous

How life in a caravan set us free

Kerry and Ella on the Ayrshire Coastal Path

Courtesy of: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-32974131

Tim Meek and his family decided they had had enough of their “ordinary” life, so they sold their house and went to live in a caravan.

My family and I wake up in a touring caravan. After packing away the temporary bed – and converting the bedroom space into the dining room – we eat breakfast together and share faded memories of last night’s dreams and excitedly discuss the activities of the day ahead.

It’s the excitement that comes with being away from home, and living a bit differently.

But unlike most “normal” people, we do this every morning. It’s our norm. Today was just like any other day, really, because our caravan is currently our home. It has been this way ever since we set out from Nottingham last summer.

We’re not on holiday, as such, but we are currently having the time of our lives.

On paper, and when measured in terms of how much disposable income we have though, it appears that we aren’t very well off. Or successful.

My wife Kerry and I and our daughters Amy, 11, and Ella, nine, are not living in poverty or anything – caravans are very comfortable these days – but compared with a lot of other people we know and people we meet, we are not very prosperous.

Kerry and I don’t have well-paid jobs. In fact, at this moment in time, we don’t have jobs, as such. We are self-employed – or as we like to call it, self-empowered.

We don’t have a big house. We don’t actually even have a house – we currently live in a modest four-berth Elddis Xplore caravan affectionately named Ellie by the girls. So, applying the normal measures of success in the Western world to our current circumstances, it turns out that we certainly are not keeping up with the Joneses.

The Caravan Handover
Image caption Tim, Amy, Kerry and Ella

But we are not bitter, nor disappointed. And we are certainly not seeking sympathy. You see, our predicament is completely self-inflicted. We have brought it upon ourselves deliberately.

In fact, we currently enjoy a richness that we could never have imagined.

How come?

Well, we believe that the real measure of modern success is nothing to do with your bank balance or the size of your house, but instead, the amount of free time you have at your disposal. We think disposable time, as a resource to strive for and spend, counts for much more than disposable income.

You see, time is much more valuable than anything else, be it natural resources such as gold or diamonds, or a man-made commodity such as money. Time is the currency of life itself.

Time is also a great leveller that, unlike other commodities, brings a certain equality. Because regardless of who you are, time and tide stand still for no man, woman, or child.

No matter how pseudo-important someone is in terms of their career or place in society, no matter what their salary or how much wealth they have accumulated, everyone ultimately has only a limited amount of time to cash in at the Bank of Life, a finite budget to use. Or abuse, waste or fritter away. Or to spend wisely and with meaning and value, with which to make a difference or to do something amazing.

And to us, at this stage in our lives with two young children to raise through their formative years, what matters more than anything – more than working to buy a big house or fancy car – is spending time together as a family.

A few years ago we were a textbook 21st Century nuclear family. We had a pretty average three-bedroom house on a modern housing estate. The girls were happy in the local primary school around the corner from where we lived. We had jobs.

Kerry and I both taught in Nottingham. I worked in a school specialising in Autistic Spectrum Disorder and Kerry was a well-established year-six teacher at the same school that the girls attended. We had enough income to live comfortably, security of employment and a pretty reliable pension fund to pay into.

Of course, sadly, the trade-off for these comforts was that we also had the ongoing monotony of working too many hours, with not having enough sleep, and with not having enough time to spend with Amy and Ella doing the things that we know are so important for parents to do with their children: reading with them, playing with them, or just having enough uncluttered quality family time.

And to cap it all, I saw Kerry on what seemed like a daily basis being psychologically and emotionally crushed under a growing pile of marking, pupil target matrices and pointless Excel spreadsheets that were being filled in because the data might one day make an Ofsted inspector happy.

I saw one of the most naturally gifted and enthusiastic teachers become utterly disillusioned with the job that teaching has become, to the extent that it was making her unhappy and unhealthy.

The result was that we felt like we were living for the weekends when we would get a temporary respite – breathing space – and the opportunity to make up the losses of the week before and attempt to repay the work/life deficit with which we were burdened.

The weekends gave us an opportunity to invest a repayment of time back into family life, in preparation for next week’s withdrawal. We would head off together into local woods, climb hills, go on long walks and often sleep out under the stars in our bivvy bags. Midweek we would look to squeeze in an extra opportunity for a mini-adventure and take a stove, a pan and some healthy ingredients and find somewhere exciting to eat “out” as a family. And I mean eat out – in the outdoors.

Eating Tacos by the sea
Image caption Eating ‘out’ – the Meek family enjoy tacos by the sea

Reassuringly for us, this was how many of our friends and colleagues were also living. Living for the weekends, I mean. It was normal. It is normal.

You see, as a culture, it seems we are almost accepting of this way of life. It’s a way of life that often seems to prioritise work and money above time spent together as a family or with friends, despite knowing that, according to Benjamin Franklin, “lost time is never found again”.

Too often the hours spent working, or in meetings, or away on business, or not having time to read the bedtime story – again – are justified by the designer trophies and possessions we collect in an attempt to compensate for the “work-time overdrafts” we have run up. Or by convincing ourselves that this is how it has to be, and that there are no other options available.

In our hearts and souls, it didn’t feel right, well not for us anyway. We kept asking ourselves – was this really what life was all about? The answer: “Surely not – it can’t be!”

Maybe it’s a sign of getting older or it’s just what happens when you become a parent. I don’t know, but somewhere along the way it dawns on you that the commodity that is time seemingly becomes much more valuable with every day, month, year that ticks away.

Free, available and unaccounted-for “disposable” time seemingly becomes rarer and rarer and more elusive and therefore highly desirable. And all of the cliches about having children take on an unnerving realness. “They grow so quickly”, “before you know it they are gone”, “don’t blink or you’ll miss them”.

Kerry and I re-evaluated our priorities and began thinking about how we could claw back precious family time from the grasp of modern living – to address the time deficit in our work/life balance.

We knew there was no World Bank or Royal Minute to pump more time into the system – no quantitative easing nor hand-outs available. We knew that we would have to take our own measures.

We felt we couldn’t afford to wait until we were pensioners before getting our hands on more disposable time – that was not an attractive option. I mean that Amy and Ella would have grown up and have left the roost by then and our bodies and minds would be less able to do the things we wanted to do.

It made much more sense to us to have time to enjoy while Kerry and I were young(ish) and we were all together as a family. We needed something more immediate. So, we began looking at how we could achieve a new lifestyle, no matter how temporary, that afforded us a lump sum of uncluttered free time to enjoy.

Girls canoeing
Image caption Kerry and Ella Meek kayaking

Late one night during one of our post-work, pre-sleep, bleary-eyed chats we were thinking about how we could give our family life the seismic jolt we felt it needed to put a significant positive change in motion, when the solution became apparent. As the bedroom light went off, the light bulb switched on. And the solution was simple – literally simple. The answer was to lead a simpler, less complicated life; a life of having less but doing more.

It would lead to us becoming a bit like modern versions of Barbara and Tom from the 1970s series The Good Life, and perhaps coming across, like they did, as slightly unusual and different to others – definitely not the norm.

We called our solution The Go > Do Life. It was a solution that would liberate us by freeing valuable time to enable us to go to places and do more of what we enjoyed.

You see we love the outdoors and spending time walking, climbing, cycling, scootering, camping, exploring, discovering, learning – living. From a young age, Amy and Ella have been encouraged to enjoy and respect the outdoor world and, thankfully, this means they are now perfectly at ease with the idea of spending all day hiking or all night bivvy bagging under the night sky marvelling at the Milky Way or wishing upon shooting stars.

They get enjoyment from doing simple outdoor activities, things that are actually low in financial cost but rich in rewards and, importantly, they seem to be quite content growing up with a close connection to nature.

And it is worth mentioning that this is against a global backdrop of evidence that suggests that the current generation of children – Amy and Ella’s generation – are growing up spending more and more time plugged into games consoles or social media, and less time playing outside.

Sadly, many children are becoming nature-deficient – apparently disconnected from nature, not valuing nature, not enjoying the natural world and sadly missing out on the associated benefits that spending time in the outdoors brings.

As a consequence, there has never been a more appropriate time to tell our kids: “You really need to get out more!” And, as parents, it is our duty to actively encourage (or at times even coerce) our children to do so – for their own wellbeing.

So, wanting to reap the rewards of time-rich opulence, in the summer of 2014 Kerry and I carried out a life changing plan. We quit our jobs, sold our house and took our children out of school to travel around the UK for a year looking for rich educational experiences and exciting opportunities for family adventure. We nicknamed it our Year of Ed-Venture.

A year free from the shackles of modern living; free to roam wherever we chose, at our own pace, able to enjoy every moment. No longer living for the weekends and wishing life away. Happier, less stressed and healthier.

Nine months in, and while we still don’t know if we are doing the right thing, it certainly feels right in lots of ways. We are very happy, active and healthy – and we are very appreciative of the time we are having together.

Of course, it doesn’t fit with the societal norm and not everybody could nor should do what we are doing, but sometimes you just have to go with your gut instinct, do what feels right – or at least give it a try – even if it means challenging the status quo and potentially sticking your neck out.

In some ways and on some days our journey is full of uncertainty and risk – particularly in financial terms. We don’t know what the future will bring us – but then no-one does really. You see, there are no guarantees in life, except for one thing – that one day time will eventually run out.

And, I believe it’s at this time in our lives, when we breathe no more, that our success or failure will ultimately be judged; not in terms of what we have acquired in life, but how wisely we have spent the most valuable resource we have at our disposal – time.

This is an edited transcript of Tim Meek’s Four Thought.

Categories
Du'aas

Wazeefah for Marriage.

If you want to see your grandchildren grow up, get married – quick! Here’s how…

  1. After Esha Salaah. recite Durood Shareef 11 times, followed by  Ya Lateefu 111 times, and again Durood Shareef 11 times. Thereafter make Du’a to Allaah, in sha Allaah, Allah will make matters easy for you. (Mufti Yusuf Ludhyanwi Saahib, Khawaateen Ke Masaa’il aur unka Hal)
  2. Write verses 131 and 132 of Surah Tahaa (Surah 20) and tie it on to your right upper arm. (A’maal-e-Qur’aani, Molana Ashraf Ali Thanvi)
  3. Recite Surah al-Mumtahinah (Surah 60) once daily for 21 consecutive days, after Esha Salaah and blow on your forehead. (Qur’aani Mustajaab Du’aaein, Darul Uloom Kanthaariyah)
  4. Recite verse 36 of Surah Yaseen (Suran 36) 121 times every night. 5. Recite “Rabbi innee limaa anzalta ilayya min kharin faqeer” (a part of verse 24 of Surah 28) 113 times, followed by the recitation of Surah ad-Dhuha (Surah 93) 3 times, from the first till the eleventh of every Islamic Month. Continue this for three months.

Allah Ta’ala knows best.

Categories
Marriage

10 Habits of Happy Couples

wife

As Leo Tolstoy once said, “All happy families resemble one another; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” We can smile at that quote or it can inspire us to ask ourselves some wise questions: What is it that happy families are doing? And, do my spouse and I fall into the category of happy couples?

If you want to have a superior relationship with your partner and be a good role model for your children, then enhance your verbal skills today by adopting the tips below. What I have found as a couples mediator is that the same verbal skills work to improve every relationship. These 10 quick and simple tips from my book Fight Less, Love More will keep the peace in the family and make your love connection stronger. Even if you’re using the tips and your husband or wife isn’t, their effect will still be astonishing.

Pick The Right Battles

1  of  10

Before you get angry and reprimand your mate for making a mistake or doing something you told him or her not to do, stop and ask yourself this one wise question: “Does this affect me?” If it doesn’t, button your lips and avoid a fight. After all, your mate is the one who must deal with the consequence, not you.

Be A Detective

2  of  10

When your mate’s mistake does affect you, what then? Rather than being hostile, find out what really happened. Ask neutral and respectful questions such as, “Can you tell me what happened?” or “I don’t understand. Am I missing something here?” You might discover a good reason for the oversight or blunder, which could avoid a blow-up.

Complain With Impact

3  of  10

When you have a complaint, say what you do want, not what you don’t want. For example, rather than saying to your child or mate, “Get off that darn computer — you’re so rude!” instead target your mate using a positive approach: “I miss your company. Can you join me in the living room to hang out?”

Skip The ‘Whatever’ Word

4  of  10

Being passive by often saying “whatever you want” might temporarily avoid a fight, but it could breed resentment because it leaves the majority of decisions to your mate, which can be stressful. Instead, have a real opinion and share it.

Create Policies

5  of  10

If your mate does something that affects and disturbs you, such as overspending or making plans for both of you without asking the other first, don’t get sucked into the heated “How could you?” argument. Instead, focus on the future by creating policy solutions, as in, “From now on can we agree to make a budget for our personal expenses?” Or: “Can we agree to check in with each other before making plans for both of us?”

Show You Care

6  of  10

Forgetting to ask about what’s going on in your child or your mate’s daily life is a surefire way to erode a relationship. From now on, if you know that someone in your family has an important meeting, test, doctor appointment, or event that day, don’t neglect it — instead, respect it. Call, email, text, or ask in person, “How did it go?” This sends a clear message: I care about you.

Avoid Factual Arguments

7  of  10

Do you and your mate often find yourselves arguing about the name of a restaurant you went to, a certain address, someone’s birthday, an historical fact, or sports figure? Then you are prone to having a dumb argument! Stop the conversation and do an online fact check, call a friend, or simply drive by the location.

Apologize With The ‘B’ Word

8  of  10

Quickly saying the words “I’m sorry” is a bad apology because it often comes off as insincere, and could trigger another battle. Next time you seek mercy, add the “B” word: Say, “I’m sorry because…” and share how you hurt your mate and what you will do to prevent the wrongdoing from recurring. Research shows that when you add the “because clause” your words are more persuasive.

Create Border Control

9  of  10

Are you ever angry with your partner for revealing something to others that you consider private, like a health issue, a child discipline issue, job insecurity, or a marital disagreement? If so, bypass the “How could you say that?!” argument. Instead, establish border control: Outline the topics that should remain private to insure that neither of you becomes an accidental traitor.

Give A Daily Dose Of Recognition

10  of  10

Most couples on the divorce path seldom compliment each other. In our online survey for Fight Less, Love More, we asked people, “Would you rather your mate compliment you for being kind or good-looking?” The result was that 84 percent of people said “kind.” The lesson: Find daily opportunities to recognize your mate for something that reflects a character strength (you are such a wonderful mother/father, you are so thoughtful when you…).

Categories
Muslim men Muslim women

“And the male is not like the female.” (Surah Imran)

IMG_20170704_002003.jpg

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

QUESTION: Is there a mention of the equality of women in the Qur’an?

ANSWER:

Praise be to Allah.

Firstly:

This word – equality – which many thinkers in both the east and the west advocate in various fields of life is a word which is based on deviation and a lack of understanding, especially when the speaker attributes this idea of equality to the Qur’an and to Islam.

One of the things that people misunderstand is when they say that “Islam is the religion of equality”. What they should say is that Islam is the religion of justice.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

“Here we should note that there are some people who speak of equality instead of justice, and this is a mistake. We should not say equality, because equality implies no differentiation between the two. Because of this unjust call for equality, they started to ask, what is the difference between male and female?’ So they made males and females the same, and then the communists said, ‘What difference is there between ruler and subject? No one has any authority over anyone else, not even fathers and sons; the father has no authority over his son,’ and so on.

But if we say justice, which means giving each one that to which he or she is entitled, this misunderstanding no longer applies, and the word used is correct. Hence it does not say in the Qur’aan that Allaah enjoins equality, rather it says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, Allah enjoins Al‑‘Adl (i.e. justice)”

[al-Nahl 16:90]

“and that when you judge between men, you judge with justice”

[al-Nisa’ 4:58]

Those who say that Islam is the religion of equality are lying against Islam. Rather Islam is the religion of justice which means treating equally those who are equal and differentiating between those who are different.

No one who knows the religion of Islam would say that it is the religion of equality.  Rather what shows you that this principle is false is the fact that most of what is mentioned in the Qur’aan denies equality, as in the following verses:

‘Say: Are those who know equal to those who know not?”

[al-Zumar 39:9]

‘Say: Is the blind equal to the one who sees? Or darkness equal to light?’

[al-Ra’d 13:16]

‘Not equal among you are those who spent and fought before the conquering (of Makkah, with those among you who did so later’

[al-Hadeed 57:10]

‘Not equal are those of the believers who sit (at home), except those who are disabled (by injury or are blind or lame), and those who strive hard and fight in the Cause of Allaah with their wealth and their live’

[al-Nisa’ 4:95]

Not one single letter in the Qur’an enjoins equality, rather it enjoins justice. You will also find that the word justice is acceptable to people, for I feel that if I am better than this man in terms of knowledge, or wealth, or piety, or in doing good, I would not like for him to be equal to me.

Every man knows that he find it unacceptable if we say that the male is equal to the female.”

Sharh al-‘Aqeedah al-Waasitah, 1/180-181

Based on this, Islam does not regard men and women as equal in matters where regarding them as equal would result in injustice to one of them, because equality that is inappropriate is a severe form of injustice.

The Qur’an commands women to wear clothes that are different from those worn by men, because of the differences in the ways each sex is tempted by the other. The temptation posed by men is less than the temptation posed by women, so the clothes that women should wear are different than the clothes that men wear. It makes no sense to tell women to expose the parts of the body that men are allowed to expose, because of the differences in the temptation posed by a woman’s body and a man’s body – as we shall explain.

Secondly:

There are matters in which men and women are treated differently in Islamic sharee’ah, such as:

1 – Qiwaamah (being in charge of the household)

Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means”

[al-Nisa’ 4:34]

Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

“Allah says ‘Men are the protectors and maintainers of women’ meaning that the man is in charge of the woman, i.e., he is the leader and head of the household, the one who disciplines her if she goes astray.

‘because Allah has made one of them to excel the other’ i.e., because men are superior to women and are  better than women. Hence Prophethood was given only to men, as was the position of khaleefah, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, ‘No people shall ever prosper who appoint a woman as their ruler.’ This was narrated by al-Bukhaari from the hadeeth of ‘Abd al-Rahman ibn Abi Bakrah from his father. The same applies to the position of qadhi (judge), etc.

‘and because they spend (to support them) from their means’ refers to the mahr and the spending on women’s maintenance that Allah has enjoined upon men in His Book and in the Sunnah of His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). So a man is inherently better than a woman, and he is superior to her because he spends on her. So it is appropriate that he should be in charge of her, as Allah says, ‘but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them’ [al-Baqarah 2:228].

‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah RA said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas RA: ‘Men are the protectors and maintainers of women’ means that men are the leaders of women and they should obey them in areas where Allah has enjoined obedience. Obedience may mean treating his family kindly and protecting his wealth.”

(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/490)

2 – Testimony or bearing witness. The Qur’an states that the testimony of one man is equivalent to the testimony of two women.

Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And get two witnesses out of your own men. And if there are not two men (available), then a man and two women, such as you agree for witnesses, so that if one of them (two women) errs, the other can remind her”

[al-Baqarah 2:282]

Ibn Katheer RH said:

Two women are to take the place of one man because women are lacking in reason, as Muslim narrated in his Saheeh… from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O women, give in charity and seek forgiveness a great deal, for I have seen that you form the majority of the people of Hell.” A wise woman among them said, “Why is it, O Messenger of Allah, that we are the majority of the people of Hell?” He said, “Because you curse too much, and you are ungrateful to your spouses. I have seen none lacking in common sense and failing in religion but (at the same time) robbing the wisdom of the wise, besides you.” The woman asked: “O Messenger of Allah, what is wrong with our common sense and our religion?” He said: “Your lack of common sense (can be well judged from the fact) that the evidence of two women is equal to that of one man, that is a proof of the lack of common sense, and you spend some nights (and days) in which you do not offer prayer and in the month of Ramadhan (during the days) you do not observe fast, that is a failing in religion.”

(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/336)

There may be some women who are wiser than some men, but this is not the usual rule and such women are not in the majority. Sharee’ah is based on what is general and most common.

The fact that women are lacking in reason does not mean that they are crazy, rather their reason is often overtaken by their emotions, and this happens to women more often than it happens to men. No one would deny this except one who is arrogant.

3 – A woman inherits half of what a man inherits.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Allaah commands you as regards your children’s (inheritance): to the male, a portion equal to that of two females”

[al-Nisa’ 4:11]

Al-Qurtubi RH said:

Because Allah knows better than they do what is in their best interests, He made the division of inheritance based on differentiation, because He knows what is in their best interests.

Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 5/164

For example, a man is obliged to spend more than a woman, so it is appropriate that he should have a larger share of inheritance than a woman.

4 – Clothing:

A woman’s ‘awrah includes her entire body. The least that can be said is that she should not uncover anything except her face and hands, and it was said that she should not even uncover that.

Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allah is Ever Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”

[al-Ahzaab 33:59]

The ‘awrah of a man is the area from the navel to the knees.

It was said to ‘Abdullah ibn Ja’far ibn Abi Talib, “Tell us what you heard from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and what you saw of him, and do not tell us about anyone else, even if he was trustworthy.” He said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) say, ‘The area between the navel and the knee is ‘awrah.’”

Narrated by al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak (6418)

Other examples include the following, which is not a comprehensive list.

There are other differences between the sexes, including the following:

  • A man can marry four women, but a woman can only have one husband.
  • A man has the right to issue a divorce and it is valid if he does so, but a woman does not have the right to issue a divorce.
  • A man may marry a woman from among the People of the Book (Jews and Christians), but a Muslim woman may not marry anyone but a Muslim.
  • A man may travel without his wife or any of his mahrams, but a woman may not travel unless she is accompanied by a mahram.
  • Prayer in the mosque is obligatory for men, but not for women; a woman’s prayer in her house is more beloved to Allah.
  • A woman may wear silk and gold, but a man must not wear them.

Everything that we have mentioned is based on the difference between men and women, because the male is not like the female. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And the male is not like the female”

[Aal ‘Imran 3:36]

The male is different from the female in many ways, in his strength, in his body, in his toughness and roughness, whereas women are soft and gentle.

And men are different in intellectual terms, for men are known for their strength of understanding and their memory as compared to women. Women are weaker than men in memory and forget more than men do. This is well known, for most of the reputable scholars in the world are men. There are some women who are more intelligent and have better memories than some men, but this does not cancel out the general rule. Most cases are as we have described above.

With regard to emotions, men speak of them when they get angry or when they are happy, but women are affected by the slightest emotional effects, so their tears flow at the slightest emotional provocation.

Jihad is obligatory for men, but jihad in the sense of fighting is not obligatory for women. This is the mercy of Allah towards them, and consideration for their nature.

In conclusion we may say that the rulings for men are not like the rulings for women.

Thirdly:

Islam regards men and women as equally obliged with regard to many acts of worship and interactions with others. For example, women do wudoo’ just as men do, they do ghusl as men do, they pray as men do, and they fast as men do, except when they are menstruating or bleeding following childbirth. Women pay zakaah as men pay zakaah, and they do Hajj as men do, except for a few differences in the rulings. It is permissible and acceptable to buy from a woman, and if a woman gives charity, that is permissible. It is permissible for a woman to set free the slaves that she owns, and there are many other similar cases because women are the twin halves of men, as it says in the hadeeth:

It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was asked about a man who finds some wetness (on his clothes) but did not have an erotic dream, and he said, “He should do ghusl.” He was asked about a man who had an erotic dream but did not find any wetness, and he said, “He does not have to do ghusl.” Umm Salamah said, “O Messenger of Allah, if a woman sees that, does she have to do ghusl?” He said, “Yes, for women are the twin halves of men.”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 113; Ahmad, 25663.

Conclusion:

Women are like men in some aspects and they differ from them in others. Most of the rulings of Islam apply to men and women equally. In cases where a distinction is made between the sexes, the Muslim regards that as a mercy from Allah and a sign of His knowledge of His creation, but the arrogant kaafir sees it as oppression and injustice, so he stubbornly insists on claiming that men and women are the same. So let him tell us how a man can carry a foetus and breastfeed it?  He stubbornly ignores the weakness of women and how they bleed during their monthly period, and he stubbornly beat his head against the rock of reality. But the Muslim is still at peace with his faith, surrendering to the command of Allaah.

“Should not He Who has created know? And He is the Most Kind and Courteous (to His slaves), All‑Aware (of everything)”

[al-Mulk 67:14 – interpretation of the meaning]

And Allah knows best.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (Hafdhahullh).

Categories
Poems

شجاعة

sophie-sollmann-632775-unsplash.jpgفليتكَ تحلو والحياةُ مريرة

وليتكَ ترضى والأنامُ غضابُ

ألا ليتَ الذي بيني وبينكَ عامر

ٌ وبيني وبينَ العالمينَ خرابُ

إذا صحَّ منكَ الودُ فالكلُ هينٌ

وكلُ الذي فوقَ  الترابِ ترابُ

يارب علمني ان احب الناس كما احب نفسي

وعلمني ان احاسب نفسي كما احاسب الناس

وعلمني ان التسامح هو اكبرمراتب القوة

وان حب الانتقام هو اول مظاهر الضعف

يارب اذا أسأت الى الناس فأعطني شجاعة الإعتذار

وإذا أساء لي الناس فأعطني شجاعة العفو

Categories
Miscellaneous

Feeling Quotatious!

dont

Time is a Precious Commodity

نِعْمَتَانِ مَغبونٌ فيهما كَثيرٌ مِنَ النَّاسِ  الصِّحَّةُ ، وَالفَرَاغُ

The two most undervalued assets by people are good health and leisure time.

—The Prophet Muḥammad (peace and blessings be upon him)

[Bukhārī 5933, Tirmidhī 2226, Ibn Mājah 4160, Aḥmad 2224, 3038, Dārimī 2591, Riyad al-Saliheen #97]

                  ———————————

attitude

The Fault is in Us, Not in Time

نَعِيبُ زَمَانَنَا وَ العَيبُ فِينَا

وَ مَا لِزَمَانِنَا عَيبٌ سِوَانَا

“We blame time and the fault is in us,

There is no fault in time except us.”

— Imām al-Shāfi‘ī RH [d. 204H/820CE]

(Read on pg 39, Dr. Gohar Mushtaq, The Intelligent Heart, The Pure Heart. Ta-Ha Publishers. London: 2006.)

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“Losing time is worse than death, as losing time keeps you away from Allah and the Hereafter, while death keeps you away from the worldly life and people.”

– Ibn al-Qayyim RHyou are

Today is All You Have

إن بلاءنا أننا نعجز عن حاضرنا و نشتغل بماضينا ،  نهمل قصورنا الجميلة ، و نندب الأطلال البالية . . . الريح تتجه إلى الأمام ، و الماء ينحدر إلى الأمام ، و القافلة تسير إلى الأمام ، فلا تخالف سنة الحياة

Our tragedy is that we are incapable of dealing with the present. Neglecting our beautiful castles, we wail over dilapidated buildings. Everything on earth marches forward, preparing for a new season—and so should you.

—‘Āiḍ al-Qarnī, Don’t Be Sad. International Islamic Publishing House. 2002hela

Beware of Three

Beware of Allah’s anger with regards to three:

  1. Beware that you fall into shortcomings concerning what He has commanded you.
  2. Beware that He sees you while you are feeling discontent concerning the provision He has granted you.
  3. Beware of feeling dismay at your Lord if you seek a provision of this life, but cannot acquire it.

—’Sufyān al-Thawrī RH [161H/778CE]

(Read on pg 24, Abdul-Malik bin Muhammad ibn Abdul Rahman Al-Qasim, Life is a Fading Shadow. Darussalam Publishers. Riyadh:1999.)ismailsatia

Remedy for the Heart

There are two main things you have to do. The first is to move your heart from dwelling on the things of this world and move it to dwell on the Hereafter, then focus all your heart on the Qur’an and ponder its meanings and why it was revealed. Try to understand something from every aayah and apply it to the disease of your heart. These aayaat were revealed (to treat) the disease of the heart, so you will be healed, by the permission of Allah.

—Ibn al-Qayyim RH [d. 751H/1350CE] on curing one’s heart

(Read on pg 57, Shaikh Muhammad Salih al-Munajjid, Weakness of Iman. Dar us-Sunnah Publisher. Birmingham:2003.)

koran

Satan’s 3 Wishes

Iblis (satan) said, “If I win three things from the son of Adam, I will have earned what I wanted from him: if he forgets his sins, thinks high of his actions, and becomes fond of his opinion.”

—Dirar b. Murrah RH

Sifatus-Safwah vol. 3, p. 116

(Read on pg 39, Abdul-Malik bin Muhammad ibn Abdul Rahman Al-Qasim, Life is a Fading Shadow. Darussalam Publishers. Riyadh:1999.)

lessons

Its not the land that make anyone Holy . . .

The Companion Abu’l-Dardā’ RA who was living in the land of al-Shām (present day Syria/Palestine) once invited his colleague Salmān al-Farsī RA to come and live with him in the Holy Land. Salmān RA wrote back to him:

إِنَّ الأَرْضَ لا تُقَدِّسُ أَحَدًا ، وَإِنَّمَا يُقَدِّسُ الإِنْسَانَ عَمَلُهُ

It is not the land that makes anyone holy, but one’s deeds.

—Salmān al-Farsī RA [d. 35/644]

[Muwaṭṭa’ Mālik]

patirn

You Are Everything Today but MUSLIM!

Lament that in the world, Muslims are descending

We say this in reply that you are condescending

With alien ways and culture you are not transcending

Are you Muslim still, what message are you sending

You are Syed, you are Mirza, Afghan in origin

Everything you are, but ARE YOU MUSLIM in religion?

—The timeless poet Muḥammad Iqbāl RH [d 1357/1938]

[from Rhymed Translations of Selected Ghazals by Khwaja Tariq Mahmood]

 

أفضل الأعمال ما أكرهت عليه النفوس

Imam Abu Bakr ibn Abid Dunya (rahimahullah) has recorded this as the statement of ‘Umar ibn ‘Abdil ‘Aziz (rahimahullah). (Muhasabatun Nafs, Hadith: 113)

Translation

“The best actions are those which the nafs is forced to carry out/dislikes doing.”

Categories
Du'aas

Du’aa for those who fear anxiety or nervousness

 ONE:
أَبُو الْحَسَنِ عَلِيُّ بْنُ عَبْدَانَ ، أَخْبَرَنَا أَحْمَدُ بْنُ عُبَيْدٍ الصَّفَّارُ ، حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ بْنُ الْفَضْلِ، حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الْحَمِيدِ بْنُ صَالِحٍ ، حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ أَبَانَ ، عَنْدَرْمَكِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو ، عَنْ أَبِي إِسْحَاقَ ، عَنِ الْبَرَاءِ ، أَنَّ رَجُلًا شَكَا إِلَى النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ الْوَحْشَةَ ، فَقَالَ : ” أَكْثِرْ مِنْ أَنْ تَقُولَ : سُبْحَانَ الْمَلِكِ الْقُدُّوسِ ، رَبِّ الْمَلَائِكَةِ وَالرُّوحِ ، بِالْعِزَّةِ جَلَّلْتَ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضَ ” . فَقَالَهَا الرَّجُلُ ، فَأَذْهَبَ اللَّهُ وَحْشَتَهُ
Baraa’ (Allah be pleased with him) reported a man complained to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) about anxiety. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) replied, Recite abundantly
سُبْحَانَ الْمَلِكِ الْقُدُّوسِ ، رَبِّ الْمَلَائِكَةِ وَالرُّوحِ ، بِالْعِزَّةِ جَلَّلْتَ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضَ
The man said, “Allah took away my anxiety.”
 IMG-20170831-WA0055.jpg
TWO:
 عن خالد بن الوليد رضى الله عنه قال: كنت أفزع بالليل, فأتيت النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم فقلت: إني أفزع بالليل فآخذ سيفي فلا ألقى شيئاً إلا ضربته بسيفي, فقال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم” ألا أعلمك كلماتٍ علّمني الروح الأمين؟))فقـلت: بـلى,
فقال قل”أعوُذُ بكلماتِ الله التَّامَّاتِ التي لا يجاوزُهن برٌ ولا فاجرٌ, من شرِّ ما ينـزُل من السماءِ وما يعرجُ فيها, ومن شرِّ
فتن الليـلِ والنّهارِ, ومِنْ كلّ طارقٍ, إلا طارق يطرُقُ بخيرٍ, يا رحمان
Khalid Ibn Waleed (Allah be pleased with him) narated, I used to feel uneasy at night. So I came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and I said, “I feel disturbed at night and I end up striking my sword on anything I see.”
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Shall I not teach you the phrases taught to me by Ruhul-Ameen (Jibreel)?”
I said, “Of course!”
He (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Say
أعوُذُ بكلماتِ الله التَّامَّاتِ التي لا يجاوزُهن برٌ ولا فاجرٌ, من شرِّ ما ينـزُل من السماءِ وما يعرجُ فيها, ومن شرِّ فتن الليـلِ والنّهارِ, ومِنْ كلّ طارقٍ, إلا طارق يطرُقُ بخيرٍ, يا رحمان
Ismail Ibn Nazir Satia
13 Dhul Qadah 1436
مسند احمد
الدعوات الكبير للبيهقي